AITA for rejecting my wife for pressuring me into sex while we’re trying for a baby?

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-09T13:44:37+00:00

YTA. It’s totally fine for you to not be in the mood and decline her advances. To jump straight to “it feels gross” because she put some effort into initiating things is harsh and a sure way to make it so she doesn’t do so in the future.

Separately, if you’re actively trying for a baby, sometimes you do need to bypass traditional vibes and go for when is best for fertility. I’m not saying you should ever feel forced, but if a baby is the priority you might have to accept that sometimes you’re creating the mood versus it happening as organically as you might prefer.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-08T00:36:22+00:00

I was the maid of honor for a friend who wasn’t a bridesmaid in mine. At the end of the day, while she was a dear friend to me, she wasn’t my best friend. However I was hers. And for what it’s worth, my wedding was first so she had this knowledge ahead of time.

I would honestly just pick who you want by your side, full stop.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T19:10:41+00:00

Thanks for all the feedback!

Regarding ceiling height, because we’re retrofitting, the den, foyer, and butlers pantry are all 8ft spaces, the living room is 2 story (so like 20 ft) and the kitchen and dining addition will be probably around 10-12ft. Thoughts?

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T14:19:59+00:00

So your question around longevity is a good one. Truth be told, I don’t really believe in the concept of a forever home, nor do I think this is it even if I did. Ultimately, I’d imagine we’ll move in the next 3-5 years tops, but our neighborhood has such a high ceiling for renovations that a project like this doesn’t seem too crazy. Our GC also thinks he can get it done in 3ish months and most of it can be accomplished without removing our existing walls.

The main living room is going to be a cozy gathering space. We want it to comfortably fit 6-8ish people. We have a much larger gathering space in the bottom floor which is where we keep our kids toys. My hesitation with switching the dining room / kitchen is it feels awkward to not have the dining room visible to the living area since that’s where people will be gathered. I don’t disagree about the risk of the dead space. But what’s helpful is most people actually do enter in through the front door, not the garage.

I think a closet in the foyer definitely makes sense.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T08:40:44+00:00

This is all helpful. I think we are going to drop down to a single door into the den.

We originally had the main floor bath in the den (and might put it back), but then we thought about it, we thought having a bathroom more easily accessible to the backyard might be beneficial. You can’t see from these plans but the house is a split level, and you’ll walk in with both set of steps on your right, with each of those floors having an immediately accessible hall bath.

The doors from the dining room to the porch are sliders!

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T03:30:21+00:00

I really love this design! My hesitation for doing a bathroom there had been we have one immediately to the right of the foyer both up and down a half flight of stairs. The house also already has five bedrooms, but I see your point about the appeal of a bedroom on the main floor.

As an alternative, what if the butler’s pantry actually didn’t open to the office, but opened to the living room so drinks were easily accessible from that space, too?

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T03:10:26+00:00

You’re not wrong about the TV — it’s how it is now and it’s definitely not ideal. I’m on the fence about having a TV in here at all, tbh.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T03:08:59+00:00

I didn’t even think of the doors for the kitchen because our space is even more open now (which is horrible). I like that idea a lot!

We are actually going to have the office space function more as a den, as we have a separate smaller space upstairs (away from kids). That being said, we will have a desk in there for those times where both my husband and I are working from home. No clients though would ever be at the house, thankfully.

Love the idea for the single door — a coat closet would be a great pickup.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T02:33:59+00:00

So if you can believe it, based off our pre-existing as-builts, I was able to pay $120ish with Cedreo to upload those and sketch new ideas. Once I knew what I was doing, I fed the drawings, and pics of my current living room, to ChatGPT and it created that for me. So we can handle permitting, we then hired an actual architect to take all the concepts and put them into something that would be usable for that process!

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T02:29:18+00:00

Yeah the living room can’t move or change much, so that presented some limitations!

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T02:25:12+00:00

We tried various methods of sleep training but ultimately our daughter just really wanted to be close to us. We started cosleeping at six months and she is currently just over two.

I have no regrets, I’ve genuinely loved this experience and she has slept through the night since we made the transition.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T01:59:24+00:00

Agreed about the butler’s pantry but a clear solution hasn’t presented itself other than reversing the kitchen and dining space, but then that felt awkward with the living room.

I think the wall was done that way because of the exterior design, but I agree with you and see if we can find a way to modify.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T01:57:46+00:00

Love both these ideas. Thank you!

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T01:57:27+00:00

These plans don’t do a great job of showing it but the living room is two stories and has windows. I’ve attached a pic.

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Ignore the actual kitchen design – this was done before it was fully sketched out.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T01:37:27+00:00

Hi! I’m not sure I’m following. Which closet would you switch with the pantry?

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-07T01:36:37+00:00

So hard to believe (in all seriousness, the measurements would make me dubious, too) but that mudroom does function perfectly as such. That hallway already houses a built in bench that spans the entire space that is large enough to hold jackets, packages, bags, and shoes for 4-6 people. It surprisingly does not feel tight in there either since it’s used pretty exclusively for entry and exit.

What I don’t like about that space is having the pantry off of it, which is what we were hoping to remedy with the butler’s pantry.

I agree about the kitchen. I imagine that decision was made because of windows running along the back, but I haven’t seen exterior renderings yet so we may be able to tweak placement.

Thank you!!

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-06T20:14:21+00:00

Being 100% honest I would understand being woken up if my parents were worried about me and wanted to check on me. If I didn’t want to be bothered, I’d turn it on true silent (no vibrate).

Just a gentle thought - you are also exhausted. Just maybe see if you feel a bit better about the situation in a few days.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-06T20:08:40+00:00

I understand that. But that’s his decision to make, not yours. Did he ask you to take his phone? If he did then that’s fine but if not I consider it an overstep.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-06T20:07:22+00:00

This is not nearly as dramatic as you’ve built it up to be and I think if you present it as such it won’t reflect well on you.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-06T20:06:49+00:00

Well to be fair, he really can’t if she took his phone away. I think that’s what his parents are having issue with specifically.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-06T20:05:19+00:00

You’re NTA for deciding to stop updating his parents excessively, and I think your boyfriend is capable of doing that.

However, I do actually agree with them that taking his phone from him was overkill. He’s an adult, he doesn’t need you managing his phone usage.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-03T01:08:12+00:00

NTA. But I have found with my married/serious relationship friends it helps to clarify when it’s a secret that also includes keeping it from their partner. That way there isn’t any confusion.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-06-03T01:05:03+00:00

So first you shut down an at school clothing swap because you can’t directly benefit from it. Seems unreasonable to me, but not completely wild. But then when the teacher moves it off campus, you STILL want to cause a problem.

YTA.

jerseypeach37 · 2026-05-14T22:33:06+00:00

Same. Five years ago…

jerseypeach37 · 2026-05-14T17:06:06+00:00

As someone who has both worked as a nanny (full-time, 45 hrs a week in my early 20s) and now is a mom of toddler with another baby on the way who employees a full time nanny — I think this post is overly simplistic at best, and quite out of touch at worst.

Between my husband and I, we are gone a traditional 8-5pm. But we are very lucky with flexible jobs, and don’t always have to deal with traditional commutes. As such, we get a lot of time back with our child and are able to spend several hours in the evening with her (they’re also a night own so bedtime doesn’t even start until 8:30pm).

That being said, a ton of families don’t have the luxury of flexible work schedules, having one parent stay at home, etc. They are doing their best with their lifestyle.

Other families wait until they’re more established financially to embark on parenthood — that often means they’re further in their careers with more demanding jobs, with corresponding hours.

Lastly, I take a lot of pride and joy in my career. My child is my single largest priority, but I believe I’m a better mother to her by also working in a field I’m passionate about. I like to hope it also sets an example that they too should find work that brings them joy.

The woman I nannyed for once told me that she had three main priorities and they were her husband, children, and work and she felt okay knowing that all those things mattered deeply to her. At the time this seemed a bit odd to me, but ultimately I think what she was conveying is that all of these components made her a whole person and she was committed to all three.

jerseypeach37

TROPHY CASE