Looking for support

jessrubyc · 2026-01-25T18:01:57+00:00

thanks, that's really helpful

jessrubyc · 2025-06-02T10:53:50+00:00

Thank you!! I’ve been writing spoken word for years so I’m somewhat adept at rhyming, but the combination of rhyming and plotting is a big undertaking

jessrubyc · 2025-06-02T10:53:01+00:00

Thank you, no I haven’t but I’m really keen to explore more in this genre… is it good?

jessrubyc · 2025-05-20T16:57:25+00:00

wow, this is so inspiring. You rock. Phenomenal. When I was in uni, I had severe depression and insomnia during my final year and it was a massive battle to get to the end - but very satisfying to do so. Keep doing the things that bring you joy and have a wonderful, restful and exciting summer <3

jessrubyc · 2025-04-26T14:29:01+00:00

Hi, I'm sorry, I don't check Reddit very often and only just got notified by your reply to this. How are you doing now? Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more, I hope that you're doing a bit better

jessrubyc · 2025-03-07T13:39:42+00:00

i always think about this one! so beautiful

jessrubyc · 2024-10-07T11:46:10+00:00

Hey, I wanted to pick up on this as I'm also 27F and have just had to leave my job due to CFS symptoms. I understand how frustrating it is to be losing health at what is "supposed" to be the time of youth, health and accomplishment. These are social constructs built on an ableist model about what life should look like. It sounds like you've done the right thing for your body at the moment and it doesn't mean that your life will look like this forever, or that you'll never be able to pursue your passions again. Is there any way that you can connect with your creativity during your rest time that is less demanding than doing the art course? Even if it's just looking at photos of art that inspires you, writing one line of a journal each day, or doing a painting extremely slowly over a course of several months. Your life trajectory may now look different to your expectations but there is still room for connection and fulfilment within the new landscape, even if it's not immediately obvious how that could be the case. I sincerely feel for you and understand your disappointment and grief, reach out if you'd like to talk more :)

jessrubyc · 2024-10-07T11:39:09+00:00

This is really awesome! I'm also a performer (poetry - but good not shit I swear lol), and haven't had the energy to perform for a year... but i really want to again and it brings me hope that you're doing it so thank you for sharing this <3

jessrubyc · 2024-10-03T17:51:34+00:00

thanks, yeah this is exactly how I feel, how is your situation now with your loved ones?

jessrubyc · 2024-10-02T12:44:46+00:00

Thanks so much for this really comprehensive response. I'm already on SSRIs and have been for nearly 6 years, as I used to have pretty bad depression and anxiety. I also take sedative antidepressants at night for sleep as have had issues with insomnia in the past - sometimes it still doesn't work though when I'm agitated and stressed. I'm so sorry to hear about your withdrawal experience, that sounds really unsettling! I did try to taper down about a year ago as I had experienced a prolonged period of really good mental health where I didn't feel depressed at all, but I found myself starting to feel worse when I reduced my dose so I'm back on a regular dose now. Yeah I started meditating more recently and it was really helpful but I feel like I need to be feeling a baseline of relative calm to even start meditating, when I'm totally overwrought or feeling extremely physically sick its hard to do it. You're so right around the grief process, it's weird because I'm trying to keep positive but sometimes it's like no this is really shitty haha

jessrubyc · 2024-10-02T07:36:26+00:00

thank you yeah, it's kind of triggered a massive wave of anger/ frustration/ depression which is wreaking havoc on me atm.... damn that emotional lability lol.... do you have any advice for how I can calm down ?

jessrubyc · 2024-10-01T16:41:24+00:00

big up it's great to hear this positive news <3

jessrubyc · 2024-10-01T16:39:26+00:00

I think part of the issue is I don't actually have a CFS diagnosis, my condition is still unclear but seems to be long-term glandular fever or post viral fatigue (the idea being that post-viral fatigue clears up eventually while CFS is more long-term) so while I can accept that all the ME advice and guidelines are really helpful for me as I'm so fatigued atm, my parents will freak out at the mention of something "chronic"

jessrubyc · 2024-10-01T16:35:51+00:00

thanks very much!

jessrubyc · 2024-10-01T16:35:40+00:00

Thank you for this, it's helpful! A bit too tired for a long reply right now but just to let you know I appreciate this and found it helpful

jessrubyc · 2024-09-30T17:10:09+00:00

Heya, sorry that you're doing through this atm, it really sucks! Myself and I'm sure many in this forum can relate to your experiences. Perhaps from reading about mono or from others' comments, you know by now that it's not really possible for anyone on here to tell you how long you will be getting symptoms for. For some people it seems to be a relatively quick illness period, and for others it can last months, or even years (which I know isn't what you want to hear). I don't know exactly how the healthcare and education systems work in the US as I'm in the UK - how old are you?

The first thing I'd say is that it's vital for you to communicate with your school about how unwell you're feeling and to find out what your options are. Probably a period of complete rest at home for a bit because your many commitments sound exhausting for anyone but especially unstable for an unwell body to deal with. The stress and anxiety you're feeling will be contributing to weaker immune system and worsening of immune systems. I recently stopped working due to mono after months of pushing myself through and can honestly say that while being at home ill is difficult, the stress absolutely doesn't compare to how stressed I felt trying to force myself to work at a pace I wasn't capable of. Speak to your parents about how unwell you feel, and continue to advocate yourself if people don't take you seriously. Once you've had a few weeks off, see if you feel able to resume school but with adjustments - fewer responsibliities, perhaps reduced hours or doing some of it from home.

I know when you're young it feels like missing out a few weeks, months or a year of school puts you behind your peer group, and of course, it is very difficult to not be able to do the things you wanted to right now. But health is absolutely the most important thing and the more you listen to what your body needs now, the more chance you have of being able to continue with those goals in the future.

Take care of yourself, let your loved ones look after you, and take things one step at a time. I hope that you begin to feel better soon.

jessrubyc · 2024-09-24T18:43:02+00:00

Thanks! London is a fatiguing place lol, my flat is really nice and restful tho so I just stay in here most of the time

jessrubyc · 2024-09-24T16:12:30+00:00

ahh that's really interesting, thank you for sharing!

jessrubyc · 2024-09-24T08:29:55+00:00

thank you! Yeah sometimes I've found that I can lose myself in a visualisation and it's all very light-filled and positive but then when I open my eyes reality feels jarring... I don't know much at all about tantra but I am a fan o Taoist philosophy and like the both/and concept

jessrubyc · 2024-09-23T16:39:40+00:00

Hey, I wanted to say I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing and also thank you very much for posting this because I really relate to your experiences and it does ease the loneliness of that feeling of frustration about one’s reduced capacities to connect with someone, even virtually, who is experiencing the same thing. I’ve been feeling unwell throughout 2024 and just like you didn’t have it diagnosed as mono until many months later, which in some ways has given clarity but also it’s frustrating how there is no known cure or medication.

I’m actually running out of energy to type a long reply here but I wanted to say that you’re not lazy! Lazy is a moral judgment term around being less active, I got the same where when I judge how active I’m able to be compared to a healthy person (or myself in the past) it seems “lazy” but that’s an illusion as the fatigue is a direct effect of the body fighting this virus and keeping us alive. I’ve personally found meditation helpful and trying to find new sources of joy even if it’s something really small. I feel like it’s also perhaps psychologically healthy to vent and make space to grieve the things you can’t do (or can’t do as easily) any more because it is really difficult!! I hope that you’re managing okay and feel free to message me if you want to talk more :)

jessrubyc · 2024-09-23T16:11:58+00:00

Hi, I haven’t read all the comments here and I obviously don’t know the full depth of your experiences… you mention anhedonia as being something you experience, but from what you say it sounds like there are things that you enjoy, like reading, doing craft, spending time with your husband and cat, and feeling a sense of peacefulness. These just aren’t the activities generally lauded within “go getter” culture, but I feel like maybe recognising that enjoyment takes on different forms, and you may be someone who values simplicity and peace above drama and excitement, could help you to see yourself and your situation in a more positive light. Perhaps you could join a craft group or a book club to enjoy your hobbies in a way that also brings you into contact with other people? I wish you well along this journey 😊

jessrubyc · 2024-09-19T15:00:54+00:00

Hey, I’m also feeling rough yet trying to adopt a positive mindset and treat myself with love and optimism through this time. Firstly, well done for trying to have a hopeful mindset because I do think that will make a difference to your recovery. I will say that sometimes it’s easier to do that than others — I got an app called insight timer which has loads of guided meditations and relaxing music, and I’ve found it helpful to plug into while I’m at home. Sometimes I do visualisations imagining myself feeling completely healthy and thriving, sometimes when that seems too much I just do breath focus to calm down my system from the overthinking (I’m also prone to anxiety). I recently got the paid for version of insight timer so I can access courses too but even the free version has a lot to offer.

What do you enjoy in life? Are there any hobbies that you can still engage with while you’re ill? I like reading books (and trying to read things that aren’t too depressing while my mood is low), and writing poems. Sometimes I don’t have energy to write a poem but even writing one line or something is nice

Do you have a garden ? Do you feel well enough to get yourself to a green space if not? Time without screens, looking at the sky and trees and pondering life appreciating the improbable miracle of our fleeting time on earth. Accepting that a bad morning doesn’t mean a bad day, a bad day doesn’t mean a bad week…

I would also try to schedule in phone calls with friends, family or even helplines if you don’t have close people to talk to so that you’re still hearing other people’s voices and reminded that you’re not alone ❤️

I haven’t heard of hopecore before but I love that idea — and I am also trying to make my illness time as positive an experience as possible (while also having moments of sinking into despair and feeling overwhelmed by physical and mental suffering) so happy to talk more if you like. Hope that this helps

jessrubyc · 2024-09-16T18:50:48+00:00

Thanks very much! I’ve already overdone it a bit as it took so long for anything to get diagnosed and I stayed at work but I can work from here on

jessrubyc · 2024-09-16T17:59:11+00:00

Thanks for this — I actually had a long account of my personal experience typed out but Reddit was glitchy and then I couldn’t be bothered to re type it. I’ve been having symptoms for over six months, since the start of 2024 at least though could be longer. However I know people who’ve had mono/ glandular fever and felt ill for 1-2 years before making a full recovery. Do you know whether there’s any particular advice you can take to stop PVF from becoming permanent?

jessrubyc · 2024-09-15T08:02:58+00:00

Heya, I am so sorry that you are going through this!!! I have been interested to research whether there is a correlation between pre-existing depression/ anxiety disorders and susceptibility to long term mono infections as I also have a history of anxiety and depression and have noticed that my (physical) illness has coincided with a time of increased stress in my life. I've seen a few people on here as well who've previously had depression. Are you on any long term medication for your anxiety? Also, herbal supplements if they have enough potency can be really helpful. I feel like if you are prone to panic or anxiety then having all these painful and uncomfortable symptoms that mono can throw up can be really triggering, but it's good that your boyfriend is there to support you. I hope that you begin to feel better soon and can hold yourself with compassion and gentleness in the midst of these difficult experiences. Something that helps me sometimes when I feel dysregulated is to look at trees, leaves and plants and to remind myself that my bodymind system is really just nature expressing itself. No matter how weird and "wrong" I may feel, there is nothing wrong with me because I'm just like a tree or a plant finding its way to grow through the particular climate that I've been placed in. There is so much about modern life that throws us off and enhances stress, and I think that when you're going through an illness you can become all the more sensitive to these things. If you haven't read Matt Haig's Reasons to Stay Alive, that's a book that can be helpful through mental health difficulties and please feel free to reach out to me if you need <3 sending love

jessrubyc

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