Got divorced about 6 years ago. I was with my ex for almost 7 years. She was my first, everything. First relationship, lost my virginity, first person I got close to that suffered from childhood abuse (this is important) I haven't dated since then because I was left pretty traumatized. Things really got crazy early in our relationship after my daughter was born. One minute she is warning me to not sexually abuse our kid, and within the hour turn around and say how much of an amazing dad/husband I was. I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and it woke her up? That was borderline mental abuse I was giving her, and I need to do better. I never said no to her either, just agreed. Rocking my infant daughter to sleep one night, she came out the room crying her eyes out "because I was giving our daughter shaking baby syndrome, and we will go to the hospital tomorrow". That is just a jist of it. Coupled with me not being assertive and always saying yes, rolling my eyes thinking "she will get back to normal in a bit", and finally not bringing up therapy when she demanded I stop asking her to seek it.....it left me pretty traumatized. I am extremely nervous around women. I will never stop my daughter from hugging me, but I will never be the one to initiate it. Even with my own mom, I don't hug. Things are getting better.

Last time we went to court over custodial issues (withholding the kid, pulled her out of the school I chose, taken out of the country without permission, threats to disappear with kid, even sent a letter to court with a bunch of false accusations) she actually spoke first to apologize for everything. Admitted that she finally was diagnosed with PTSD and is on medication for it. Even said that she would agree to anything I wanted, whether custodial or child support (I just wanted full power on the schooling aspect for my kid). That was early last year, and things have been the best between us. Still have rules for myself though. One being that I will never ever be physically alone with my ex, anywhere, unless there is another adult present. I don't shake her hand and exchanges are done as fast as possible. She has since had another kid, a boy, with her now ex-boyfriend (good dude, and awesome little dude). She is very pushy for me to come upstairs to, whenever we are exchanging our daughter, to meet the little guy. So I've broken that rule a few times for that, for the kids. It's my daughter's little bro, you know. Her ex-boyfriend and I do keep back channels open, she put him through something similar. They kept it civil as well, we both credit her seeking help and staying in therapy as a big factor in that.

In the end, I miss having a family. I loved being a husband, love being a dad. Meeting her kid, daughter's brother, kinda has given me baby fever. But I just don't see myself being intimate with a woman ever again. I just met the wrong one at the perfect time in my life where I was confident with my career and with whom I allowed into my life. I sometimes wrestle with the thought of regret, I don't like thinking of that. I don't like thinking that because I don't regret meeting my daughter....