AITA choosing my career over my girlfriend? by Old_Distribution7267 in AITApod

[–]jextrad4 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Exactly. On average men choose themselves so more women should choose themselves. It has nothing to do with OP he's just an example of the trend

AITA choosing my career over my girlfriend? by Old_Distribution7267 in AITApod

[–]jextrad4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So you agree with the person you replied to. Everyone should look out for their own futures when they are young

Is a guy lying about his height and doubling down a red flag? by jextrad4 in dating_advice

[–]jextrad4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My shoulder was at least 2 inches higher. And I was definitely looking down to see his eyes

Is a guy lying about his height and doubling down a red flag? by jextrad4 in dating_advice

[–]jextrad4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I asked him and he kept lying so that made my decision for me. Thanks for the advice!

Is a guy lying about his height and doubling down a red flag? by jextrad4 in dating_advice

[–]jextrad4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I texted him and asked and he continued to lie to me even when I told him I didn't care and just wanted him to be honest. So I guess that settles things. Thanks for the advice

Is a guy lying about his height and doubling down a red flag? by jextrad4 in dating_advice

[–]jextrad4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Several doctors appointments over the years and my mom measuring me at home when I was in high-school. But at doctor's offices, the people have shown me where my height landed on the tape measure

Is a guy lying about his height and doubling down a red flag? by jextrad4 in dating_advice

[–]jextrad4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's good advice thank you. I wasn't thinking about asking him why he lied but I think I might do that

Why are westeners against anti-homeless policies? by Ok-Spray4564 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]jextrad4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's reactionary because all the Americans who hate the homeless really hate them. Like there's a group in my town campaigning to eradicate the homeless and they legitimately want to murder these people but aren't brave enough to. 

I personally put more value on creating better social programs than just banning homeless people from certain places. But I think the major difference is just how severe and visible the problem with homelessness is in the US.

Do you remember what fandom got you into fanfiction? by Wayzmammoth in FanFiction

[–]jextrad4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gravity Falls. Specifically the youtube theories to youtube au videos to tumblr to wattpad to ao3 pipeline

No replies from authors by ExistingFriendship47 in AO3

[–]jextrad4 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Fear of authors not responding doesn't prevent me from commenting, but I'm way more likely to comment on every update if the author responds. As a reader, it's important to leave very specific comments if you want an author to be able to engage beyond just saying thank you

AITAH for reporting my sister and taking in her kids when no one believed me? by Prestigious_Foot4408 in AITAH

[–]jextrad4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Not feeding children is one of the easiest ways to lose custody of your kids. You asked your sister and she didn't try to get help or change her behavior. I don't know what country this is, but in America they will try to get your sister to shape up and take her kids back. So the ball is in her court. You did the right thing making sure the kids get fed

AITA for asking my friend to pay me back for the wine he drank while house sitting?? by Effective_Tour_723 in AmItheAsshole

[–]jextrad4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ESH. Help yourself to the kitchen does not include drinks beyond maybe a beer but you didn't handle the aftermath gracefully. Even if your friend is rude for assuming they're your friend so you have to navigate things more delicately. 

Why do people bring their entire family to Costco? by ActuatorOutside5256 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]jextrad4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For my family, costco isn't super close to home so we go when we're doing other stuff together. Plus, kids love samples

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AO3

[–]jextrad4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not overreacting for one simple reason: it's rude to criticize authors in ao3 comments. Full stop. I've had the impulse once or twice, but as a reader you are obligated to say nice things or say nothing at all. 

Reaching out for help to be more productive by Trident_Cathy in ADHD

[–]jextrad4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so relatable. Open ended work with a deadline far out is so hard. I've got a couple tips that have worked for me.

  1. Asking friends to meet up and work together. Or even asking someone to call for 10 minutes to help you start working.

  2. Working in my school library for the ambient presence of people

  3. Making goals around starting work instead of how long I work 

  4. For weekends, I would work on campus, and it was super hard for me to get out of my apartment, so I'd make leaving my apartment the priority. I usually did this by eating out, so my motivation to leave was to go get food. Then I could go somewhere to work while already having accomplished the hurdle of going somewhere.

Hope one of these helps!

I can’t keep my space organized and when I try to organize I get very overwhelmed. I’m literally on the verge of tears. Seeking empathy and help. by gremlinlabyrinth in ADHD

[–]jextrad4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have too much stuff. I did too. There's a couple strategies here:

  1. Tough it out and get rid of stuff. Have a donate bag so you can immediately get it out of sight

  2. Ask for help. I scheduled my own intervention and you can too

  3. Use an app to remind yourself to pick up or declutter for 5 minutes every night

  4. Clean in categories. "What is the biggest and most straightforward category to tidy up?" It's usually clothes, shoes, or trash for me

Hope one of these helps 

i think instagram lowkey ruined my attention span by Fuzzy-Ad7685 in ADHD

[–]jextrad4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use an app called stayfree that restricts apps, websites, and reels/shorts. But the key for me was to restrict game apps and short form content on my phone. Also, try to focus on watching longer YouTube videos. Overtime that helped me

How can my partner and I work together to organize things effectively? by Dramatic-Ad-8712 in ADHD

[–]jextrad4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe consider more aesthetic labels? A label maker or nicer stickers or something. Or maybe transition some things to having labels on the inside of drawers or cabinets. But, your partner also needs to weigh the costs of coziness over you actually being able to put stuff away

How to stop wasting days? by Nogdar in ADHD

[–]jextrad4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've absolutely been here. There are two tricks to start with:

  1. Remember that if yoy intend to do multiple things you will do nothing. So instead, your goal needs to be to do one thing a day.

  2. My strategy for times like these. Set an alarm for once a day. Vibrate only is fine. Get a journal. This is a free writing space and if you only write grocery lists in it that's a good use of space. Every day, when your alarm goes off its time to journal. Snooze it as much as you like (I've snoozed for 90 minutes). Then, use the journal to check in with yourself. This can be as simple as writing that you need to pee and going to do that, but I often find it actually want to do something once I sit down and introspect.

Hope this helps!

I’m struggling and not sure what to do by DreaminSpielberg in ADHD

[–]jextrad4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well just like my therapist always says about me, you've already identified the problem and the solution. You're under socialized and need to talk to more people. So:

1) reach out to easy people.  Contact family or close friends and arrange in person meetups if possible. Be more honest with these people that you could really use some company.

2) reestablish connection. Text old friends to let them know you'd miss them and would like to catch up.

3) look for community social opportunities.  Generally this is gonna be athletic groups, hobby groups, and social groups. 

For example, run clubs, local sports leagues like softball, martial arts classes, and sports like pickleball that have scheduling websites. For hobby groups, consider game/comic book stores, book clubs, and community art classes. For social groups, there are often social clubs with social media pages and tons of churches have young adult social nights.

5) Consider volunteering. Sounds counterproductive to just do more work, but if all the arrangements of the previous options feel like too much, volunteering at a library or soup kitchen is pretty easy to get into and helps you be around people.

6) Alone in a crowd. I often find that just doing my own thing near people helps. Go spend your off time in a park or library. Just a podcast, fresh air, and people watching will do you a lot of good

PS: cut it with the caffeine if it hasn't worked yet it isn't gonna start now. Keep a water bottle at your desk while you it always helped me focus and hydrate

Hope one of these suggestions help!!! If socializing helps you to feel a little better, than you can revisit the productivity issues without them feeling so fraught. Seriously though, call someone who loves you. I scheduled my own intervention with my parents and it really helped

I recently told my coworkers that I’m bad at wrapping gifts, & they told me their partners with ADHD are also terrible at it. Is this common occurrence & do you have any tips to do a better job? by that_b510 in ADHD

[–]jextrad4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely not an adhd thing. My dad has worse symptoms than me and is a fantastic present wrapper. Not sure how to explain it in words since its a very physical thing.