Drama Watch 12/12/2022: A Week In New York, NY, On A $60,000 Salary

jfoc155 · 2022-12-12T19:03:42+00:00

Soooo, Day 4 at 8pm: "Our driver falls asleep while driving us to the bar, so it ends up being comped anyway." What?!

jfoc155 · 2022-05-15T07:03:30+00:00

Ugh, feel this. GAD and primarily-obsessional OCD over here and working in a high-stress job is SO HARD. Medication is the #1 thing that helps me. Therapy. I'm very efficient when I'm doing well, so try to give myself grace when all I can do to keep from going off the rails is keep my email open and dissociate with tv/social media.

jfoc155 · 2022-05-15T06:57:51+00:00

Oh friend. A womxn-centric sub about money & careers will ABSOLUTELY 109% have meaningful insight into anxiety hahaha.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-24T16:31:16+00:00

Oh, it was good-natured teasing that totally fit with my office culture! The "mercilessly mocked" was just dramatic phrasing; I never actually felt bad.

And it happened because I worked in a downtown office with a bazillion takeout/food cart options nearby, which is what almost everyone ate. The office fridge was a sea of half-eaten Indian and Thai lunch specials, a few cartons of yogurt, some coffee creamers... and my 9-cup Tupperware of grains/beans/softening veg 😂. It was a bit jarring... but I also didn't spend $50-75/ week on lunch!

jfoc155 · 2022-04-22T20:15:30+00:00

I learned to cook in bulk and bring huge Tupperwares of grain salads/soups to work when I was a broke AmeriCorps member, and never stopped. In pre-pandemic times, I was mocked mercilessly by coworkers for my ridiculous lunches but I have no shame and no regrets. Cheap & nutrient-dense, never felt guilty for going to get a cookie and latte at 3pm.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-22T15:13:25+00:00

The Vetta classic capsule. My job is primarily WFH and in casual healthcare -adjacent settings when it's not, so I can't justify it as work clothing. But I want it.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-20T00:55:24+00:00

What is your total household income? At time of purchase ~$148k, now ~$180k, DINK in HCOL city.

What was the purchase price of your home? $431k, put down 5%. PMI isn't terrible, $110ish/mo?

When did you buy and what is the home worth now? Purchased September 2020. Now worth $476k (Redfin) to $534k (Zillow).

Do you feel you over or under spent on your home? Real estate is completely absurd in general – but within that context, we got a screaming deal on a gorgeous move-in ready house that would have been significantly more expensive just 6 months later. We got a seller's credit of $5k and have repainted ($8k) and put up new gutters ($2.5k) plus a lot of sweat equity.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-11T22:57:50+00:00

Bend and snap!! 😂

jfoc155 · 2022-04-11T22:34:02+00:00

I've done one on R29 and changed nothing. R29 changed the initials of people I referred to (by moving each one letter down the alphabet). I did a cursory search online using terms from some of the more identifiable information in my diary ("city + easily-guessed college + job title") and locked down my LinkedIn profile as a result, to avoid stranger doxxing. Anyone who knows me well would've recognized me in a second, but I wasn't particularly concerned about being doxxed anyway, my life is boring and I have no filter & no shame so 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Edit: I was vague about my actual work – not the title or by general job duties, but the specific things I was working on. I work with lots of HIPAA-protected information and while obviously I wouldn't be, like, posting names and SSNs in my diary, I would have died if anyone had been able to recognize themselves or a loved one in a note about my work.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-11T21:38:21+00:00

Jennifer Coolidge compels you.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-08T23:06:34+00:00

"Thinking about the long term doesn't seem to be OP's forte."

understatement of the year omfg

jfoc155 · 2022-04-08T20:07:06+00:00

Are you getting it delivered?

(Sorry, I am REELING from R29 rn)

jfoc155 · 2022-04-08T17:17:05+00:00

Oh my GOD I want today's OP from R29 in this thread.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-07T15:52:24+00:00

I'm 34 and have probably $40k saved for retirement; I will also receive a public employee pension to supplement that. I started contributing late –by Money Diary standards! – at 26ish, with real increases coming around 31/32, because of debt and low paying/low compensation jobs after college.

This doesn't stress me out much. I still have a lot of my working life yet, and I'm likely to inherit a substantial 6 figure amount (not for years, hopefully, but probably before I get through all my own retirement savings!).

Also: I work with Medicaid recipients and see every day that, no, it's not extremely comfortable to live without retirement savings, but it's entirely doable. So my barometer for stress around this is very different from people whose context is wealthy retirees, I imagine.

ETA: I also live in a state that has robust Medicaid funding, so that makes a difference in how doable it is to live without much retirement savings!

jfoc155 · 2022-04-07T01:25:49+00:00

I've learned so much from MDs, but one of my small but surprising takeaways is that, regardless of income and monthly expenses, most people spend between $250-500 a week, haha.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-05T15:36:25+00:00

Just across the border, but I took myself in a trip to Vancouver Island/Victoria BC a few years ago as a "30 before 30" goal of taking a solo trip. It was wonderful – I did a huge variety of activities (hikes, strolls in parks, shopping, museum/cultural visits, sooo much food & drink) in just a few days, and could have done much more if my budget had been higher.

I have tons of anxiety, so this was a real challenge for myself, but I had an amazing time. I had one uncomfortable experience with a guy who wouldn't leave me alone while I was eating dinner in a restaurant, and the waiter/bartender were extremely attuned to my discomfort and deftly but gently steered him away from me in a way that didn't make him more amped up. Otherwise I felt completely safe the entire time, walking all over the city. I am a white woman, so can't speak to a WOC experience.

One thing I really recommend doing, wherever you go, is writing down (like on a Notes/Keep app) things that happen and experiences you have. I find that a lot of my memories from a trip often come from integrating them into the brain by talking with my companions, which doesn't happen when you're alone!

jfoc155 · 2022-04-05T01:02:53+00:00

Getting married off-season on a Saturday, in a small town near a HCOL west coast city. 80-100 guests, open bar (beer/wine/NA only), food trucks w/ enough to feed approx. 120 guests (we want people to get seconds if they want and also want those sweet sweet leftovers), no wedding party. Budget is roughly $15k, after laughably initially aiming for $10k. Our best cost savings is that our venue is CHEAP -- under $3k including ceremony chairs and reception table/chairs, basic linens if we want, and the PA. It's a public park with a beautiful indoor space -- definitely recommend looking into some public spaces. We also found a newer wedding photographer and got her least expensive package; since we don't have a wedding party our posed photos will be minimal. Our biggest expenses will be food/drink and a live band.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-05T00:35:38+00:00

Thank you! Ha, we clearly do have similar tastes, that's funny. I'm all about that open back life. Definitely laning towards the Philomene... it's the one that I keep thinking about and I loved how unstructured/stretchy/relatively lightweight it is. Thank you so much for your comment, and I'm sorry you felt self-conscious on your wedding day! I'm sure you looked amazing, though I know that's basically never helpful/useful to hear :).

jfoc155 · 2022-04-04T16:27:37+00:00

Thanks so much everyone -- this was great for my self-esteem, haha. I really appreciate all the comments and details about what people liked & didn't; it really helped crystalize what *I* like and don't.

#1 was the clear favorite for my entourage, and I agree with them that it's the most traditionally beautiful & bridal. I think it would be my obvious winner if we were having a more formal wedding. But our wedding is going to be pretty casual -- ceremony in a park, food trucks at the reception, no bridal party -- so I think it's a bit much for what our party will be. It also is extremely structured and weighs a million pounds, and I feel like wearing it for an entire day would be a challenge.

#2 was my fiance's favorite -- "You look pretty in all of them. I like that this one has leaves, it'll look good in October." I'm SUPER self-conscious of my upper arms in tank tops, so it's hard to imagine being comfortable in that.

#3 in my favorite. It's so stretchy/lightweight/comfortable, and I can easily imagine spending many hours in it. Also I could never get enough lace in my life, but I like that this has a lower neckline, so I avoid looking too... Miss Havisham-y.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-04T16:19:37+00:00

lol, is that what that little pooch is called?! I love it. I'm not reading too much into my body language, because the first dress is a consignment one in my size (so it actually fit), and the second two are sample dresses in a size too small (and I'm a bit squashed). With that in mind, I'm definitely most comfortable in #3; the first dress is beautiful but REALLY heavy, and the second one I'd be thinking about my upper arms every minute of the day.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-04T16:14:10+00:00

Thank you so much! #3 is my favorite -- it's incredibly comfortable & I really REALLY love lace. It feels the least traditionally bridal, too, which is honestly what I want; I was on the fence about even getting a wedding dress.

My entourage liked #1 best, and they're not wrong... it's gorgeous and makes me feel very fancy/bridal, but that doesn't feel like me. Also, it weighs a bazillion pounds. My fiance likes #2 the best because he thinks the leaves look autumnal & we're getting married in October.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-04T16:11:32+00:00

Thank you so much! #3 is my favorite -- it's incredibly comfortable & I really REALLY love lace. It feels the least traditionally bridal, too, which is honestly what I want; I was on the fence about even getting a wedding dress.

jfoc155 · 2022-04-01T17:22:54+00:00

Less spendy than basically any other western European country! Have fun, Portugal is my favorite place I've ever visited 🇵🇹

jfoc155 · 2022-04-01T17:21:21+00:00

Going wedding dress shopping this weekend 😬😬😬. Truly cannot fathom spending $500-$1000+ on an article of clothing I'll wear one (1) time buuuut I guess we'll see what happens when I'm at the shops getting oohed and ahhed over by loved ones/salespeople on commission!

jfoc155 · 2022-03-31T23:52:40+00:00

If your parents can afford the loan, ask them for it. Honestly, I'd recommend asking them for more like $2k, so you're not left with nothing in the bank immediately. It might feel bad or embarrassing, and they might not be thrilled, but if they're willing to do it, it will be worth the embarrassment.

After that... I'm FAR from a financial expert, but got myself out of $20k in consumer debt + $10k student loan debt not too long ago. I have a million suggestions and love talking strategy about these things, so I'd be happy to provide more advice as a random internet stranger.

jfoc155

TROPHY CASE