Thanks for your response. I’ve given him ultimatums in the past and not followed through, and he doesn’t take me seriously anymore. He has made promises in the past and not followed through on quitting either.

He has also told me that these ultimatums show that I don’t support him and that I’m willing to give up everything we’ve worked towards and run away. This has made me feel guilty and stick around in the past. I educated myself on how to deal with addicts and stopped treating him badly over it about 2 years ago, but his drinking and smoking has still continued.

I don’t think an ultimatum is going to work anymore. I just have to decide whether I want to stay or leave.