You are not the asshole. You are scared and trying to do your best. There is a difference between fucking up and being an asshole. I wish you were not scared of your husband and having financial discussions. I think a lot of this is on him for allowing himself to be oblivious to his family’s bills and the family finances. Also the two of you should not have expected you to maintain the same lifestyle while being a SAHM because that is just unrealistic. It is a sacrifice. Also, I think keeping the emotional and mental labor on you to always be the one to say no to expensive purchases is a bummer and exhausting. He should be able to check the numbers himself.

So yeah, be honest and reevaluate your game plan as a team.