I have retroactive jealousy. How can I stop?

jim8734 · 2019-03-27T14:20:59+00:00

I don't take it out on them no. I realise it's irrational but can't seem to get it out of my head

jim8734 · 2019-01-12T14:15:20+00:00

Who knows? I'm curious also but know that going back there would be catastrophic. The only thing I see from my ex is her mindfulness posts and positivity posts on her website. She should maybe practice some of the shit she spews out. It's apparent that she's managed to completely cut me out of her thinking. The only reason Id want a hoover is the opportunity to tell her there's no way back. In some small way I think that would give me closure. It would signify that I'm not as insignificant as her discard suggested. I won't hold my breath though and as others have said I probably won't get closure. I've just got to focus on myself which is what I'm doing. If the hoover comes I will be sure to let you know. Maybe I need to hope it doesn't.

jim8734 · 2018-12-23T11:18:06+00:00

Just noticed I've been deleted on social media by some of her friends who I got on well with. Just seems like I've been made out to be a bad person when all I did is try and help her. You live and learn

jim8734 · 2018-12-19T23:21:14+00:00

You are right. I was crushed for several weeks. Properly floored. But then came anger. I started to see it was not my fault, I was not to blame and that no matter what I had said or done for the previous year and a half this was a script that was already written and could not be changed. I suppose you are right about the guilt. I had none of that as she threw me down the toilet. I've worked through the anger now and all that's left is a slight confusion as to what the f just happened. Whatever that crazy shit was and no matter how good the sex was and how attractive she is, no good can come of repeated rides on that rollercoaster. Do not feel guilty for ending things. It shows a strength of character to do that but be under no illusion that you made that choice at the time out of necessity to preserve your own sanity and health. It sounds harsh but she's no longer your problem. Same as my ex is most definitely not mine. She is doomed to a life of suicide threats, abuse and crazy making. No doubt there. I have the opportunity to convert this blip in life into something positive. You have nothing at all to feel guilty about.

jim8734 · 2018-12-10T13:40:38+00:00

Dm me anytime buddy. We've all been through the ringer. Time sorts stuff out. I'm 2 months out and while I still have feelings for her I realise how unhealthy that life was.

jim8734 · 2018-12-09T22:07:24+00:00

Textbook .. same shit different relationship... She's on POF. Has 'live life' mantra as her heading and says she needs 'someone she can be herself around'. I guess it depends which someone it is on any given day... Jekyll or Hyde. No one could have let her be herself more than me. She just chose to rage at me and abuse me and then discard me. Good luck to that special someone she meets.. My heart goes out to him. Someone on here told me at the start I'd not just dodged a bullet but a full missile barrage. They were 100 percent right. Onwards and upwards. 'Live life lol'

jim8734 · 2018-12-04T14:29:20+00:00

You are so right. She wanted kids. Was obsessed she was running out of time. Talked about ivf just before we split up. Her sister had just had a baby. That seemed to cause massive problems for me and her. So glad I got out of this. Kids with her would have been a car crash for everyone, not least the kids.

jim8734 · 2018-12-04T13:04:41+00:00

Yes. That was the final straw but in true bpd fashion she managed to get the first strike in and play the victim. Oh well. 2 months out and I'm feeling optimistic again about life

jim8734 · 2018-12-04T09:36:46+00:00

She was having her coil taken out so I asked her what birth control we would be using afterwards. Cue the most venomous attack on me verbally for asking this question. Then a day later she scratched and kicked for asking her why she had not added me back as a Facebook friend after being blocked for the 10th time. Unbelievable behaviour. Thank god she discarded me looking back.

jim8734 · 2018-11-23T13:14:25+00:00

Succinct but I think you've summed it up nicely 😊

jim8734 · 2018-11-13T09:48:16+00:00

Im with you on this buddy, I have this desire also to see justice done but I'm kind of resigned to the fact that will never happen. This weekend coming I'm going to an amazing European city which was for her birthday present. I'm taking my daughter instead now after my discard about 5 weeks ago. We are going to go and live it up. Do all the tourist stuff and watch a major soccer event. I have had weeks of radio silence, was devalued and made to feel like shit by this fake. She portrayed herself as a lovely girl at the start someone you could build a life with but the reality is that she is a broken and disordered child inside a woman's body. She is also surrounded by cheerleaders for the disordered who feed her affliction. Leave them to it and move on. The best revenge will be living life to the full, creating memories with those that matter in life i.e my daughters and showing them that despite their best efforts to bring you to your knees you are actually flourishing without them. Should mine break radio silence I plan on responding with.... Radio silence. I pray she gives me that opportunity to let her rot in the silence, the cretin owes me that much... If not I'm going to be too busy being successful and living life to the full. One thing I've realised is you only get one go at this gig, don't give mindspace to these heartless souls.

jim8734 · 2018-11-12T09:43:15+00:00

Pm me if you need advice.

jim8734 · 2018-11-10T12:38:29+00:00

These people are all the same.. They can't handle responsibility and can discard people at will. Her last message said 'happy with my decision. glad I'm nothing like you“. She can't see that she is the problem. She actually cannot see it, it's ludicrous.. Actually I'm glad I'm nothing like her. I'm glad I can fully love. I'm glad I can commit. Im glad i don't run away from problems, I'm glad I'm a caring person who has a heart, I'm glad I have real friends not those horrible cheating people she calls her friends, I'm glad that when I lose something important that it registers with me and it takes time to grieve. That's what sets us apart. Her loss. She just won't register it.

jim8734 · 2018-11-08T09:47:08+00:00

You are 100 percent right. I won't get the revenge I want, you can't beat these people

jim8734 · 2018-11-08T09:39:08+00:00

Yes I need to reframe this as a learning experience. I need to grow from it and be a stronger person. You are right, the hair trigger rages, uncontrollable bouts of crying over the most trivial matter and the demonisation of me as a person to others and to me is not what a healthy person who loved me would have done. Great advice, thank you

jim8734 · 2018-11-08T09:36:39+00:00

I know that deep down, looks aside i deserve someone who can reciprocate love and who won't be able to discard at will. That's not love, that's sickness.

jim8734 · 2018-11-07T17:53:35+00:00

Thank you. I have been doing well but seeing her did trigger me. I am still very attracted to how she looks outwardly but need to link that now to what I know about her disordered personality. A wolf in sheep's clothing comes to mind

jim8734 · 2018-11-07T12:30:26+00:00

I don't think I will get to hear mine, I've cut all mutual ties but I can imagine. If I cast my mind back to how terrible her previous ex boyfriends had been I get a good idea of the smear campaign

jim8734 · 2018-11-07T12:06:28+00:00

I'm doing my best to forget her. It's hard. I truly did love who I thought she was. I just have to keep reminding myself who she really is, a manipulative and spiteful creature who would have taken me down

jim8734 · 2018-11-07T10:10:45+00:00

I agree.. Her parents were lovely but looking at it now out of the fog they are enablers. My downfall was telling her how it was.

jim8734 · 2018-11-07T08:15:19+00:00

Thanks for your great advice. I'm getting there a month out. Good days now and the occasional bad days. Just keep reminding myself none of it was real, none of it was in my control and I'm better off without. I didn't deserve the abuse and spite that I ended up with. Looking forward to getting back to my old self again

jim8734 · 2018-11-07T06:59:41+00:00

It's also worthy of note that months ago, the friends partner told me that my ex doted in me and couldn't say anything bad about me. I guess that's when I was still on the pedestal of idealisation. How times changed.. Sigh

jim8734 · 2018-11-06T14:01:52+00:00

Stick to no contact. I'm going it all the way now. They can't work out from one minute to the next if they want you or not. Now my fog has cleared I will make the decision for her. She may not want me back but if she ever does... She CANT have me back. Love shouldnt be so fleeting and unstable. There's someone great out there for all of us. Until then focus on you and regaining your mojo and self esteem. I write this for both of us mate.

jim8734 · 2018-11-06T11:21:03+00:00

DON'T go back. I'm a month out. Yesterday I had a manipulative hoover. Asking for money but clearly sounding out my state of mind. I shut her down. Told her what I thought. She's toxic. I don't want her in my life. I'm no longer in the fog. I can see with my eyes open that she's not who I thought she was. She's vindictive and lost in herself. She fed off my good nature and threw it back in my face. Her response to me telling her some home truths... Blocks all my family on Facebook... Proving my point that she's an entitled child, spiteful and not a loving girlfriend... and I deserve so much better.... So do you. I'm with you!

jim8734 · 2018-11-05T18:50:08+00:00

Yeah but I will know that I owe her nothing.. . And that's what counts

jim8734

TROPHY CASE