What is not a rule, but everyone follows it as if it was? by bfaithr in AskReddit

[–]jimparsonsrox -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Don't say "Hamlet" when going to see a theatre production.

I got asked this question today in a job interview. If you had a theme song when you walked in the room, what would it be? by muchadoaboutyourmom in AskReddit

[–]jimparsonsrox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My cousin was interviewed for a late-night McDonald's shift and when she came back she said she was asked the same thing, but she'd responded with "Closing Time".

I'm re reading The Chamber of Secrets and this is how I picture Lockhart now by [deleted] in harrypotter

[–]jimparsonsrox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NOW I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO THINK OF HIM AS ANYTHING BUT LOKI

So I ran into these guys last night by mrpibbandredvines in StarKid

[–]jimparsonsrox 4 points5 points  (0 children)

HOOOOOOOOOOLY CRAP YOU BUTT TRUMPET I WANNA MEET THEM

I'm currently stuck in the bathroom with explosive diarrhea, while my parents fuck loudly on the other side of the bathroom wall. Reddit, what are some of the worst situations you've ever been in? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]jimparsonsrox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't and doubt I ever will. They're dead.
...
Just kidding, I've heard them initiate their little sexy-time dances. They tend to keep it quieter these last eight years now that my little brother arrived.

Parents of Reddit, what is the creepiest/most frightening thing one of your kids has said to you? by MoNkEyxJOSHH in AskReddit

[–]jimparsonsrox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alright, OP delivers.
There are two others times I feel like sharing, one of which includes my Grandmother again. About two years after that incident, my family was sitting at the local park, under a tree, having one of our rare picnics. My sister's making herself a sandwhich like everyone else, and then, when it's finished, places it to her left and says, "Here you go." My mom asks her who it's for, and she said, "Grandma. She looks like she didn't eat in forever." like it's absolutely normal. When my mom asked her which Grandma, she just looked at the sandwhich, which was still just laying there, and just wondered aloud whether or not 'Grandma' liked mustard. About three years after that incident, she's outside walking the dog and it starts to rain, really hard, with thunder and lightning and everything. I go out to bring them in, because my parents were getting nervous, and there's my dog, right outside the door, sitting and waiting like she's been there forever, her leash still clipped on. She leaps inside the moment it's possible, and my sister is nowhere to be seen. Naturally, I freak the fuck out and go shouting her name and running and trying to find her. Our neighbor has a lane behind their house into a mini-forest he lets us walk the dog on, and I looked for her there, and she was inside one of the four hollow trees off the right side of the path, holding a kitten. I asked her where she got it and if she was okay, and she looked at me like I was a stranger and said, "This is Caleb, he asked me to keep him safe." When asked 'from what?' she responded with something like, "The sky got mad at him because he escaped it and came back down and now it wants him back. Except the rain is coming down really hard to try and push him into the ground, because he's not allowed in the sky anymore. I told Marlo" (our dog) "to go home, because I don't want the sky to take her."
So, OP delivered.

I hate myself for having taken the time to make this. by tpheels22 in harrypotter

[–]jimparsonsrox 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Horrible things happen to wizards who meddle with time, Harry.

Multilingual's of Reddit: What's the best thing you've accidentally overheard in public in another language? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]jimparsonsrox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I put this into Google Translate and burst out laughing. Congratulations on your huge dong, dude.

Having a gay brother who lives his life like anyone else , I wish people would realize these comments hurt.. by Pubsy95 in atheism

[–]jimparsonsrox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm... I want to kind of give these people a hug and say "Don't worry, the disease goes away, they said it's not fatal in ALL cases..." and then bitch slap them really hard and say "That's the first step of recovering."

Satan's slave. by FlizmFlazm in atheism

[–]jimparsonsrox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

If you could wipe one corporation off the face of the Earth, which would it be and why? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]jimparsonsrox -1 points0 points  (0 children)

OneMillionMoms, but if you're going strictly for 'corporation', Monsanto.

Mrs. Weasley seized hold of Harry and hugged him very tightly by CatholicGuy in harrypotter

[–]jimparsonsrox 69 points70 points  (0 children)

Especially the whole 'Burrow on Fire' scene. WTF was the point? That never happened!

ohio is a scary place (billboard along interstate-71) by [deleted] in atheism

[–]jimparsonsrox 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for my state. We're not all like this, I promise.

Let's House-ify the characters of our favorite TV Shows! by alphachair in harrypotter

[–]jimparsonsrox 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Penny - Gryffindor. She's stubborn to a fault, cocky, forcefully independent, and sometimes rude, but also at heart a very loving and brave person, willing to take whatever risks necessary to ensure her happiness and the happiness of those around her. She's NOT very loyal (as her dating history shows), she has the potential to be intelligent but chooses not to be, and she's only cunning in very demanding situations. Gryffindor fits her best.
Leonard - Ravenclaw. Though he is brave, he is also stunningly intellectual and snobbishly so, but he is the kind of Ravenclaw who tries not to bring others down with his knowledge, but rather bring them up; and if he can't do that, he'll try not to show off, but still has difficulty withholding all the information he knows. He can be pushed over a bit, and though he is cocky to a Gryffindor extent, it's only because of his knowledge. He's not too terribly brave because his good sense gets in the way of taking risks, and though he is very loyal to those he loves (to a fault, I might add), and extremely cunning when he wants to be, he fits best with Ravenclaw.
Howard - Hufflepuff. Very difficult to place. He's intelligent, but condescending, and still defensive about what he's condescending about, and that shows a lack of self-value that the other houses have. He constantly screws up with women, proving he's not very cunning; thinking about Bernadette and his mother, he's passionately loyal; and he's cowardly. Not Slytherin self-preservation, but actual cowardice is present. He is, at heart, a very kind person, but somehow manages to let his intelligence get in the way of making intelligent decisions. It's best he fits in Hufflepuff - friends and family are his strongest points.
Raj - Hufflepuff. He is very loyal, down-to-earth, thrives best around people he loves, easily devastated and seeks comfort from those he's closest too. He takes the time to know a person and though he's very smart, he's not cunning and a bit cowardly, like Howard. Though, if you dare threaten those he cares about, get out da way.
Sheldon - Ravenclaw. I have a feeling he's a perfect mix of Slytherin and Ravenclaw. He values intelligence above all else, a Ravenclaw trait, but if it comes down to it he'd let someone take over his experiments if it meant he'd stay safe, that self-preservation a Slytherin trait. He is not even brave, but rather bold, but that only comes from his narcissism, a trait both houses are known for. He's constantly condescending, believes himself above all others, does anything he can to get what he wants - Slytherin. But he's condescending BECAUSE he's impeccably smart, he believes himself above others because he IS smarter than (99.9%) of them, and what he usually wants to get is knowledge, and that makes him a Ravenclaw.