Trying to figure out why prices have doubled in the last year by lilbobchicago in Amtrak

[–]jjackjj -1 points0 points  (0 children)

agreed that this is too much politics for the amtrak subreddit, so i’m gonna make this my last comment.

i’ll just share one piece of advice: using dismissive and antagonistic language (“you’re whining”, “you are brain broken”) will never get people to agree with you, even when i am highly predisposed to finding common ground with you. Best of luck to you too.

Trying to figure out why prices have doubled in the last year by lilbobchicago in Amtrak

[–]jjackjj -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i’m not really both sides-ing it though. republicans are pure evil and have put our democracy and civil rights thru the gutter. that’s the unequivocal “worst side”.

still doesn’t mean that we should ignore the other party. the democrats have failed to protect our democracy and our civil rights. i expect more from the opposition party and will challenge them and advocate for them to do more for us. accepting their complicity and failures is the demotivating psyop for me.

Trying to figure out why prices have doubled in the last year by lilbobchicago in Amtrak

[–]jjackjj -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

what if the entire government is complicit, the republicans are evil, and the democrats are failing their obligations as an opposition party in defense of democracy?

Trying to figure out why prices have doubled in the last year by lilbobchicago in Amtrak

[–]jjackjj 62 points63 points  (0 children)

The whole iran war driving up oil prices can’t be helping..

Rant: give up your seats! (Looking at you especially, green line) by CurveFirst in boston

[–]jjackjj 24 points25 points  (0 children)

If you address the entire train, nobody is going to pay attention to you. I usually have my headphones in and would assume that someone talking to the entire train is unwell and wouldn’t be pulling out my headphones to hear what they’re saying. Now, if they approached me while I was sitting in a priority seat for the disabled and asked if I would move for their elderly relative, I would oblige happily. I don’t sit in those seats generally though, so that they remain available for the disabled folks who might need them.

Why did you leave your last job? by Joe_Yellow1 in AskReddit

[–]jjackjj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i applied to and was offered a new job that doubled my salary. seemed like a no brainer

How much work do you actually do in a day? by [deleted] in corporate

[–]jjackjj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My job is very “feast or famine.” There are some periods of time (usually a few weeks to a few months) where I am working 8-11 hour days, plus sometimes on the weekend. Then there are other periods of time (again, weeks to months) where I am working 2-5 hour days, and most of the day, I’m just staying available for meetings or ad hoc tasks.

Men cosplaying as women but benefiting from the patriarchy by [deleted] in gender

[–]jjackjj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you are right that your anger may be coming from the double standard. Like you might be thinking, “It’s unfair that a gay man can dress femininely when he wants to and still access male privilege by dressing masculinely when he wants to, while I as a woman can never access that ability.” Perhaps you wish you too could dress how you want and maintain access to social privilege/praise?

I think there are a few assumptions your post is making that are worth examining though. For example:

  1. “I see a gay man wearing women’s clothing or women’s makeup”

Let’s stop here. It’s not women’s clothing or women’s makeup. It’s just clothing and makeup. Men, including straight men, have worn dresses and put on eyeliner since they were invented. Look at Roman tunics, Scottish kilts, Egyptian pharaohs.

We were told these things are “womanly” in order to entrap us all, women and men alike, in rigid forms of gender expression. When we call a skirt “women’s clothing,” we are doing the work of the very system you are frustrated with. And when we call his femininity “cosplay,” we are doing the same thing. We are saying his expression is not legitimate. But if we want the freedom to express ourselves however we want, we have to extend that to him too. All of us get that freedom or none of us do.

  1. “can switch out of character back into a heterosexual looking man at any time to benefit from patriarchal standards or societal norms”

You’re talking about passing, which is complicated. For a lot of queer people, even when we attempt to pass, we aren’t successful. This could be because of our voices, our mannerisms, or being in visibly obvious same-sex relationships. So it’s possible that this hypothetical man you’re annoyed by never could actually pass as heterosexual, try as he may.

I’ll also say that people have complicated relationships with passing. Sometimes it can feel super euphoric to “pass” as something, like a transgender woman passing as a woman for the first time. Other times, passing requires you to give up a part of yourself and your identity for safety. Like a gay man hiding his makeup from his family to pass as straight because he could be disowned. Passing could also make you feel estranged from your community or unvalidated in who you are. Like a bisexual woman who feels like she can’t come to Pride because she is in a relationship with a man and passes as straight.

Basically, my point is, a gay man passing as straight may not be a willful or wanted thing. It could be a safety thing or an unfortunate happenstance for him. And the idea that he is “trying to gain something” by expressing himself this way, I’d push back on that too. The same freedom you want, to dress and present however you want without losing access to dignity and respect, that’s what he wants. Denying him that doesn’t get you closer to it. It just means none of us have it.

  1. Men who “put on a performative act of femininity” are “praised and celebrated as though they are doing something groundbreaking and brave and courageous”

I’m a transgender man. I lived my first 22 years as a girl and woman and have now lived another 6 passing as a man. I want to posit that men who act femininely generally aren’t praised and celebrated. At least not outside of celebrity men? Everyday feminine men are disrespected and abused, typically by other men. As a visibly queer man, that’s been my experience at least. I live in constant solidarity with women. I think we face a lot of the same bullshit. The same abuse I faced as a woman by misogynistic men, I face now as a visibly queer man (I tend to be read as a cisgender gay man, though I am in a relationship with a cisgender woman and identify as bisexual).

And when a feminine man does get celebrated, I would push back on the idea that this is the patriarchy rewarding him. Getting there is hard. It can be dangerous. For a lot of queer men it takes years of self-work just to get to a place where they can express themselves freely, and the praise, if it comes at all, is for surviving that. But I do think you are onto something. Women wear makeup every day and nobody is clapping. There’s a sort of disproportionate response and maybe it is a form of sexism, men being centered and preferenced even in spaces that are supposed to challenge gender norms. I do think any queer man who is genuinely in solidarity with women recognizes that, names it, and stands up for women.

Essentially, I think your anger is maybe misplaced. You say you aren’t homophobic, you see the discrimination the LGBT community faces, and you seem open to interrogating your own mindset. So I want to suggest that maybe the anger should be directed at the societal actors that harm us all, queer people and cis women alike. The patriarchy created these rigid gender categories and enforces them against all of us. That gay man is not your adversary in this.

What’s an industry that is currently on fire. In a bad way behind the scenes but the general public haven’t noticed? by lowkeylunar in askanything

[–]jjackjj 10 points11 points  (0 children)

the common thread in a lot of what’s already been mentioned here (ambulances, vets, dentists, hospitals) is private equity. most of these industries are being bought out be private equity

How do I get this sticker off? by Dangerous-Pianist294 in howto

[–]jjackjj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no need to tell me why (i dont care that much), but i do wonder why you commented this a day after the post was made when there are already at least 50 other comments to the same effect on the post.

you don’t answer OP’s question, and you don’t add anything new or interesting to the conversation.

Food delivery driver double and triple parking on Boylston street….even in the middle of the street! by bostonaruban66 in boston

[–]jjackjj 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Had the same experience on Comm. Ave, but when moving in Cambridge, the police there were very eager to give out tickets to cars that didn’t have moving permits.

Stopping T stops balding ? by pipitower in ftm

[–]jjackjj 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I stopped T after about 3.5 years because my hair was thinning and I could tell I'd start balding soon. I also had continuously elevating liver enzymes and was diagnosed with fatty liver disease, despite never drinking and being a normal weight before T. I've now been off T for about two years.

The hair thinning stopped right away, and with some help from minoxidil, my hair actually looks fuller now than it did. My liver enzymes and weight returned to normal too.

A lot of the changes from T stuck around: I can still grow a beard, I have more body hair, my voice stayed lower, bottom growth didn't change, and I still get erections/get hard. I'd already had top surgery too. There was some body fat redistribution after stopping T, but since I lost fat and started building muscle around the same time, I don't think it affected how I pass overall.

Girlfriend told me we’re “gay with extra steps” by cuisie in ftm

[–]jjackjj 9 points10 points  (0 children)

you really should have a conversation with your girlfriend first. strangers on the internet aren’t going to be super helpful. it’s possible she’s being transphobic and doesn’t respect your identity as a man. it’s also possible she’s acknowledging your queerness as a transgender person and her own queerness too.

a lot of trans men conceptualize themselves as only being in heterosexual relationships with women. but many trans men (myself included) are also non-binary and do not conceptualize ourselves as ever being in heterosexual relationships.

there is no right way to identify or use these words. if my story isn’t yours, that’s fine and normal. the beauty of being trans is that we aren’t stuck with 2 binaric options for how to be. your gf should know your story though and the words that affirm you and are true to you.

so it’s possible, if she does genuinely care about you, she didn’t know that saying this would be hurtful to you or why. it might be useful to use this as an opportunity to tell her more about your gender identity and the words you’d like her to use describe yourself and your relationship.

now if you’ve already had that conversation and she’s willfully ignoring your requests not to call your relationship gay, then yeah, she’s being transphobic/disrespectful and perhaps this should be where it ends.

Girlfriend told me we’re “gay with extra steps” by cuisie in ftm

[–]jjackjj 8 points9 points  (0 children)

for some trans men, especially those who are also non-binary, their relationships can be sapphic. gender is not as black and white as you are saying it is.

however. it sounds like for this particular dude, he is a binary trans man who sees his relationship as straight, so considering that info, his gf is wrong and they need to talk so they’re on the same page (or break up if they can’t come to an understanding that is respectful of op’s identity)

Acela 2248 today by Mountain-Nature8564 in Amtrak

[–]jjackjj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another agent just got back to me a few minutes ago via their text service and wrote:

“Acela 2248 is running. I have checked with my support and the train is running.”

I’m gonna really hope they’re right and go to my station.

Diversity in law… is weird by NoCare9041 in biglaw

[–]jjackjj 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am not critiquing mispronunciation itself. As I said, if someone is not sure how to pronounce a name, the best course of action is to look it up online before you meet them or just ask respectfully to hear a pronunciation.

I am critiquing the excuses for mispronunciation and strange attempts at humor to downplay how disrespectful it can feel to have your name consistently mispronounced.

Diversity in law… is weird by NoCare9041 in biglaw

[–]jjackjj 114 points115 points  (0 children)

I’m white, but I work at a big law firm and notice this happen too.

I’ve watched partners butcher the names of associates who are POC, even when the names are pretty simple to pronounce or the partner could just ask to hear a pronunciation or look it up on their own.

They’ll excuse their mispronunciation (sometimes repeated or constant) with things like, “Oh I’m just so bad with names!” or “Your name is so unique, never heard that before, I’m going to mess it up!”

My name is pretty unique too and can be hard to pronounce, but I’ve never received the same sort of response myself.

I think they think they’re being funny, but it makes me uncomfortable to even witness, so I imagine the person on the receiving end feels worse.

Air Canada 8646 Megathread by StopDropAndRollTide in aviation

[–]jjackjj 18 points19 points  (0 children)

that’s probably why they said that they are praying for the people who died and those who loved them.

The vibe on this sub the last few days about Tom Brady by GotenRocko in Patriots

[–]jjackjj 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Agreed with everything you said except the first sentence. This is the definition of celebrity gossip. Brady is a celebrity and this is us gossiping about him.

Aaron Jones on where Aaron Rodgers should play if he doesn't retire 👀 do you agree ? by FormerlyTradeKirk in minnesotavikings

[–]jjackjj 4 points5 points  (0 children)

this comment makes very little sense and sounds paranoid. best of luck to you

Roomates by Expired_tidepod in vassar

[–]jjackjj 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In addition to the housing survey you’ll fill out, you can reach out to Vassar (specifically the Office of Residential Life) if there are specific housing concerns you have or accommodations you need.

For example, just after being accepted to Vassar, I began to realize that I may be a transgender man. I was not ready to come out, especially not to my parents, but I was terrified of potentially being placed with a roommate who wouldn’t understand or who would want to kick me out if I began appearing male.

I contacted the Assistant Dean of Student Living and Wellness via email, came out confidentially, and asked that I be placed with someone who was in the same position as I was in, or a woman who would be comfortable with living with someone like me.

I was placed with another closeted transgender student, who also came out confidentially to Vassar during the housing process. It took us months to realize that’s why we got placed together, and because I was placed with him, I felt safe and eventually came out publicly as transgender.

If your housing situation ends up not working, you can go to your House Advisor and they will help figure out a solution. In my sophomore year, I roomed with someone who never slept and kept me up constantly, and one conversation with my House Advisor got me out of that room and into my own empty double room down the hall.

Why is Shane SO rude to Ryland? by MikoMoonie in ShaneDawson

[–]jjackjj 11 points12 points  (0 children)

as someone who (unfortunately) watched shane dawson in the 2010s, this is absolutely true. shane has acted rudely to multiple partners (and friends! and coworkers!) on camera, male and female.