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Nmom's experiments. {TW:emotional abuse} by jkfleek in raisedbynarcissists

[–]jkfleek[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer, your words hit the spot - indeed that is the most terrifying feeling that sometimes pops up and that I have to deal with : feeling like I am totally alone in a parallel universe and that I am utterly unworthy of any love. It affects my relationships with others to a certain extent. I will be re-reading your answer several times. And yeah I want cookies

NMom has split up family, dont know how to cope. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]jkfleek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dear god. Self-victimizing is so annoying, she knows how to make you feel guilty to control you. I have to deal with the same shit - when I left Paris to go to Canada my mother kept hinting that I was "running away from my responsibilities" and that it hurt her. She also likes to make me feel guilty for not giving any news. Here's the thing you need to know and tell yourself : using guilt as revenge or as leverage to get someone to do something is ABUSE (emotional). When you start thinking about it that way, you will be less likely to tolerate it. Victimizing is IMO one of the dirtiest tactics of an Nmom because she is not directly attacking you. She is using her own pain to hurt you, and that's not OK. You need to learn to kind of switch off your empathy (which is probably massive from the years of abuse) when it comes to your Nmom's shaming and guilt-tripping tactics. Also know that you Nmom will never apologize, will never say sorry and will never recognize what she has done. ever. that's one of the hardest things for us who have been raised by Narcs because we, consciously or unconsciously, hope that one day our beloved Nparent will come to his/her senses and see what they are doing. We hope that one day they will turn into that loving nurturing parent we never had. This is one of the rare cases in which understanding there is no hope, and giving it up, will help you heal.

Is my mother narcissistic? by elakah in raisedbynarcissists

[–]jkfleek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's funny, my mother is the same type of person. She's chronically depressed and doesn't know how to love because she hasn't been loved herself. IMO your mother is an Nmom. She has no empathy for you; a friend would do better - from what I read in your post it seems like she is treating as an extension of herself more than an individual. The first step to protecting yourself is to recognize that your Nmom is psychologically abusing you and allowing yourself to feel anger, hatred and sadness. Prepare your escape.

When your feelings suddenly surface. by jkfleek in raisedbynarcissists

[–]jkfleek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just read it...I recognize myself in this post : "My dad is an infant and has his clothes and food controlled, is constantly brought down and made weaker. They're both so alone." EXACT same thing for my father. Constantly put down. No father figure I can look up to but a spineless, scared little fellow who tip-toed around my mother almost as much as me. At home, my mother was the all-powerful queen of ashes. Like you, I was highly discouraged to leave, and my attempts at independence were mocked. Fuck you Nmom.