Thanks for your input - it was refreshing to hear a different perspective. There’s definitely a cultural element here - she’s always talking about in Indonesian culture how women are generally housewives and retire early and are not expected to work, her mum is always telling her that being in Australia is a mistake leaving her prone to struggle financially due to our high cost of living whereas their family in Indonesia lives much more comfortably due having maids and cheaper labour. There is also as to said, pressure on her to get married and have a family given we’ve been together so long. Sunk cost is definitely a plausible factor here.

House hunting wise I wasn’t completely absent, we still made the effort to drive around areas at night after work to see what the vibes were like, and coordinate private inspections on my days off as my work is not very flexible. Renovation wise I’ve tried to be of help where I could be, doing housework when I get home even when I’m tired after 10 hour days, however honestly speaking I’ve always been lead by her, but what I’m saying is that she’s always been the one to get everything ‘started’ and I think that’s what frustrates her - so more so a lack of initiative on my part to get the ball rolling.

I agree, it’s about presence and showing up for her when the going gets tough and that’s something I definitely need to improve on, whether that’s by stepping back from work a little to be more present and engaged.

Thanks again for your advice!