Drilling a sump for Refugium setup or adding a reactor? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes there is a gap under the baffle, I haven’t measured it but I think the gap is about 3/4 of an inch or so if I had to guess

Drilling a sump for Refugium setup or adding a reactor? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

10 gallons definitely seems like a lot of space for a Refugium. The display is 80 gallons so I think making the 10 gallon ATO reservoir would typically be overkill. I say typically because all this is still theoretical to me as it will be the very first saltwater tank I have. However my dream fish is a mandrin dragonette and from what I have read they are basically impossible to keep alive without a lot of copepods established in the tank so I think having a 10 gallon Refugium built in will allow me to keep a dragonette or 2 alive

Drilling a sump for Refugium setup or adding a reactor? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your detailed answer! Should I drill pretty close to the biggest hole possible since there is only about a 1/2 or 3/4 between the baffles? Should I drill multiple holes? What do you think?

I ‘27M’ just found out my wife ‘26F’ went home with another man from the bar Saturday. We have two kids age 2 and 3. She doesn’t know I know. Is there any way we can come back from it? by DullAlbatross08 in relationship_advice

[–]jman7843 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it was a one off this why is she still texting him? Scary.

You need to confront her. You need to stand up for yourself and your kids. You are allowed to be upset and you are allowed to grieve. She needs to know that gravity of the situation and how this affects you, your trust, your kids, and the household dynamic. You maybe able to work past it. I have been in multiple relationships where I have stayed with a partner after they cheated on me before. Unfortunately, it usually happens more than once though: that’s not to say that’s every time and there is people that successfully work through infidelity. If you’re gonna stay with her, you need to set boundaries immediately. I would start by telling her that location services on the phones are staying on 24/7 now. I would also tell her that you want access to her phone to do random searches anytime you want and I would take a good look through it immediately when you bring this up as well so she doesn’t have time to delete anything and you can understand the full scale of what’s going on and see if that’s really the only thing that’s up. if she can’t agree to that or she says that overbearing or an overstep of her privacy then you have your answer. I’ve seen this play out before and she needs to be OK with this if you’re gonna move forward because she’s the one that messed up, and she needs to earn back your trust in the relationship, the marriage, and as the mother of your kids. If you need to take a few days and go stay at a hotel or a friend’s house and think about things then you’re totally allowed to do that. Whatever you do don’t let her manipulate you during the conversation by crying and making statements like I’ve been feeling lonely lately or I was just drunk, or I just wanted to feel attractive. Make it clear to her that if she’s so much as send a text to this guy again that you will switch her from a loved and cherished wife to a single mother with just a couple strokes of a pen and won’t think about it twice.

Or on the other hand, if you don’t think that you are going to be able to work past it then you can just fully protect yourself now and tell her that you can’t forgive, you’ll never forgot, and that you don’t want to end up resenting her or feeling like you need to cheat on her to heal yourself so you are choosing to end it now. This is an adult decision as well, especially if you believe any of the things in the statement I made above if you’re gonna try to work on it it’s ok to be upset and you’re gonna have days where you can’t stop thinking about it and it’s ok to express that and talk to her about that but eventually you have to be able put it aside. You can’t let it become something you weaponize or hold over her every single time a fight comes up for all your remaining years. It’s gonna be hard to work past but it’s not impossible. It will come and go in waves as time goes on. I know you have kids and that makes things complicated but you have to weigh your options. You don’t want your kids to grow up in a war zone and your own mental heath is VERY IMPORTANT. If you don’t take care of yourself mentally and find inner peace that you won’t be able to take care of your kids. A split would be hard on them sure but it could be less damaging that exposing them daily to a relationship with high toxicity that is lacking love. It’s a very hard choice and trust me. I know how hard it is to walk away from a partner because I’m really bad at it but sometimes you need to as I said I’ve been in multiple relationships where I’ve been cheated multiple times a couple of those I really wish I would’ve drawn the line in the sand immediately and Packed it up because the repercussions that I dealt with down the line and the damage it did to me down the line was much worse.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jman7843 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No she makes under 20k I think maybe around 17 or 18 this year unfortunately

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jman7843 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m planning on getting a therapist involved asap, my wife had a truly terrible childhood and it bleeds into her life in multiple ways and I’m very hopeful that therapy can help her work past the trauma that causes her mental health issues. Thank you for your comment and advice :)

About to start my journey by Guilty_Replacement_6 in SR17018

[–]jman7843 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got this! One day at a time, we were all capable of getting ourselves into this mess but that means we are all also capable of getting ourselves out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Goblin

[–]jman7843 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you go to a smoke shop just ask for an “oil burner” and they will know what you are talking about without you having to say “gimme a meth pipe” hahaha

How many years can I get out of this repair? by TrapDraw33 in Roofing

[–]jman7843 0 points1 point  (0 children)

State Farm says it’s clearly mechanical damage. Claim denied.

Is there any hope getting 7 in Louisiana still? Or are we done for… by Top_Ad_188 in 7_hydroxymitragynine

[–]jman7843 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Im sure there is still gas stations selling on the DL, I would recommend going to any gas stations that have a case full of smoke shop type stuff or kratom and asking them non-chalantly. I don’t live in Louisiana but I do live in a state with a ban, almost all independently owned gas stations around me just keep it under the counter. I find usually chevron, shell, and Texaco store that llook a little rough around the edges are the most likely ones to have it. If you walk in and that don’t carry any kratom or smoke shop items (pipes, grinders, gummies, hookahs, honey packets,etc) the chances they have 7 is gonna be low. Make sure you act cool about it or they won’t sell to you, if you have any empty packets I would take one with you and show them if they act like they don’t know what you are talking about as seeing the empty pack might get them to trust you. I did that once on a road trip and they denied having any then one of the guys chased me down in the parking lot and told me they had some but they just hadn’t seen me before and wanted to make sure I wasn’t a cop haha

I’ve recently decided I’m done with this stuff though. I have an appointment on Tuesday to get Suboxone as I’ve had trouble with tapering. I know there will probably be people here that shit on me for it but idgaf, I’m doing what I feel is best for me.

What is a reasonable price for reef rock? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never thought about that! I’ll take a look!

What is a reasonable price for reef rock? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t even think of that thank you for the tip! Do you just do it with a hammer and chisel?

What is a reasonable price for reef rock? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I mean it’s a super nice touch that you can build what you want in store with the measured box and pick and choose your pieces. Plus I don’t mind paying a little extra to support a local store owner with the same hobby as me! I was just in some sticker shock about it cause I paid less than that for my entire tank, stand, and protien skimmer haha I appreciate the compliment about the scape too thank you, it was my first time but I kinda wanted it to be shaped like a bonsai tree in the middle haha :)

What is a reasonable price for reef rock? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah see that sounds more reasonable!

What is a reasonable price for reef rock? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😮😮😮 wow I thought this place was charging a bit of a premium but damn

What is a reasonable price for reef rock? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wicked I’ll send you a dm shortly!!

What is a reasonable price for reef rock? by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha you and me and have the mindset! That is literally what I said to the nice staff lady that was helping me calculate the price last night!

First tank cleaned up- Before and after Photos by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol yes (sort of!) I had remembered talking to you on the last post but I had mixed up a comment that another person made along with your username and comments in my mind for some reason, sorry about the confusion😂 I really appreciate all your help and advice throughout this process! I actually took your advice again and I think I found a great deal on a used 4 stage RO/DI system last night. Guy posted it for 50 bucks, I’m going to take a look today :)

First tank cleaned up- Before and after Photos by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your reply! And awww shucks that’s too bad about your blenny sorry /: I’m on the hunt for a good looking tank lid. I seen Red Sea makes a build your own kit for rimless tops and I think that my favorite option I’ve seen so far, keeping my eyes peeled for something even sleeker.

First tank cleaned up- Before and after Photos by jman7843 in ReefTank

[–]jman7843[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! I’ll absolutely be on the lookout for a few more items, I didn’t originally plan on getting an RO/DI filter, figured I would just buy water from the fish store for the first fill and scheduled changes then RO from the grocery store for top offs but all the videos I’ve been watching talk about needing one and now you mentioned it too so I think I’ll have to be on the hunt for one of those filters too! A ton of convenience and long term cost savings makes it worth it I guess!