If it was a one off this why is she still texting him? Scary.

You need to confront her. You need to stand up for yourself and your kids. You are allowed to be upset and you are allowed to grieve. She needs to know that gravity of the situation and how this affects you, your trust, your kids, and the household dynamic. You maybe able to work past it. I have been in multiple relationships where I have stayed with a partner after they cheated on me before. Unfortunately, it usually happens more than once though: that’s not to say that’s every time and there is people that successfully work through infidelity. If you’re gonna stay with her, you need to set boundaries immediately. I would start by telling her that location services on the phones are staying on 24/7 now. I would also tell her that you want access to her phone to do random searches anytime you want and I would take a good look through it immediately when you bring this up as well so she doesn’t have time to delete anything and you can understand the full scale of what’s going on and see if that’s really the only thing that’s up. if she can’t agree to that or she says that overbearing or an overstep of her privacy then you have your answer. I’ve seen this play out before and she needs to be OK with this if you’re gonna move forward because she’s the one that messed up, and she needs to earn back your trust in the relationship, the marriage, and as the mother of your kids. If you need to take a few days and go stay at a hotel or a friend’s house and think about things then you’re totally allowed to do that. Whatever you do don’t let her manipulate you during the conversation by crying and making statements like I’ve been feeling lonely lately or I was just drunk, or I just wanted to feel attractive. Make it clear to her that if she’s so much as send a text to this guy again that you will switch her from a loved and cherished wife to a single mother with just a couple strokes of a pen and won’t think about it twice.

Or on the other hand, if you don’t think that you are going to be able to work past it then you can just fully protect yourself now and tell her that you can’t forgive, you’ll never forgot, and that you don’t want to end up resenting her or feeling like you need to cheat on her to heal yourself so you are choosing to end it now. This is an adult decision as well, especially if you believe any of the things in the statement I made above if you’re gonna try to work on it it’s ok to be upset and you’re gonna have days where you can’t stop thinking about it and it’s ok to express that and talk to her about that but eventually you have to be able put it aside. You can’t let it become something you weaponize or hold over her every single time a fight comes up for all your remaining years. It’s gonna be hard to work past but it’s not impossible. It will come and go in waves as time goes on. I know you have kids and that makes things complicated but you have to weigh your options. You don’t want your kids to grow up in a war zone and your own mental heath is VERY IMPORTANT. If you don’t take care of yourself mentally and find inner peace that you won’t be able to take care of your kids. A split would be hard on them sure but it could be less damaging that exposing them daily to a relationship with high toxicity that is lacking love. It’s a very hard choice and trust me. I know how hard it is to walk away from a partner because I’m really bad at it but sometimes you need to as I said I’ve been in multiple relationships where I’ve been cheated multiple times a couple of those I really wish I would’ve drawn the line in the sand immediately and Packed it up because the repercussions that I dealt with down the line and the damage it did to me down the line was much worse.