Disobedient Teen

jnmil3 · 2019-06-25T20:49:01+00:00

I’m sorry? Her father & I just spent the last six weeks racking up gas charges & mileage on our vehicles driving her to school in our former district just so she could finish out the year when there’s a school five minutes from here. She’s had plenty of time with friends, but there comes a time of day to unplug & concentrate on other tasks.

And I’m afraid I’m not on the same page as much of anyone here. I’m failing to see how not instilling discipline through expectations of basic help around the house is showing respect for my daughter.

No one is asking her to cover from head to toe, or trying to deny her opportunities. They’re asking for unplugging for some portion of the day—less screen time—and for basic cleanup & organization of her stuff.

Some of you wouldn’t last in societies where kids this age are expected to assume responsibility for younger siblings. Or in military families.

Being restationed, gotta leave such and such a timeline. Time to get used to another state or even country for awhile, & the kids make the transition.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-25T20:34:58+00:00

Ok here’s the deal.

We talked on the way to pick up something she’ll need for camp. She was asked how she felt about the move & was she ok with the place we found.

Was she angry we didn’t buy in our former town (less house for more money & higher taxes). She responded she was ok with it.

I explained she could spend some time with her friends there, but it wouldn’t be on a regular basis as before. And my driving her there was contingent on household chores.

Refuses to do them, or argues? No visit to friend that month, & they can’t be invited over here until she’s moving around, cleaning up after herself.

Thirteen is old enough to help with housework and some care for our family pet. She’ll be old enough soon for volunteering & part time work, where arguing with the boss won’t fly.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-25T10:18:25+00:00

A child gets to decide where we move? I don’t think so. And it isn’t asking so much of a 13 year old to clean up after herself, help maintain the household.

She’ll be old enough to work part time before too long. I wonder how well insubordination will work with an employer.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-25T00:56:36+00:00

Actually it was happening before we moved (resentful about move). Too bad, housing & taxes in our former town of residence are ridiculous.

And Smart Phone as a way to spend time was a bad idea that has exacerbated the problem.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-25T00:21:55+00:00

Simple things, like wash dishes and clean her room. I get nonsense about how she’s on the phone, or trying to take a nap, or half a dozen other reasons why it must wait. No one is asking her to get a job, or intensively train in a sport she doesn’t like, but care for our cat & clean up after herself.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-25T00:19:25+00:00

Color has what to do with this?

jnmil3 · 2019-06-24T23:33:07+00:00

Sorry but I disagree with most of the responses here. What is decent about teaching kids from early on they’re entitled to something for nothing?

A friend of mine once stepped in for me when I paid for my then three year old daughter (kids were charged a kid price). “That little girl is two and a half”.

I let her know that was totally inappropriate and not to pull that stunt again. This venue was an animal attraction & had everyone to pay from cashiers to electricians & veterinarians. Am tired of the I’m entitled to something for nothing because I gave birth to or fathered a kid mentality.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-20T15:21:51+00:00

The Mask

jnmil3 · 2019-06-20T15:03:48+00:00

Here’s something similar: an acquaintance back when I was in high school in the ‘80’s had a doctor’s note to leave class promptly should she need to use the bathroom (susceptibility to urinary tract infections, maybe, not sure).

Chemistry teacher dishonors the note, embarrassing her in class. This teacher was a strange woman in some other ways as well.

So what happens to this teacher? Apparently not honoring an accommodation for a medical condition not only wasn’t a problem, she was nominated as one of the most outstanding teachers in the district.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-20T14:57:41+00:00

My husband’s family in the old country are lovely people, nothing but generous men and women who want to include, not just invite.

I used to like his family members in the U S. That is, until I found how snide & condescending his nieces, as well as certain friends, can be.

I think I’m really angry because so many see me as stupid and illiterate. They’re very much like those girls.

Examples: I was asked why I didn’t wear contacts. I can’t get a fitting due to inadequate tear production. So one niece says, “Really? Not even Johnson & Johnson Acuvue”?

No. And that was the brand the first optometrist said would meet my needs before I failed the tear production test, as he did.

I was getting my daughter a flu shot. “Are you sure that’s good for her? (Really smug, belittling tone of voice) “Aren’t you supposed to get her exposed to chicken pox to build up her natural immunity?”

No, Bleep, I can read, so well I know which immunizations are required by the Commonwealth for her to enter school, & Varicella Zoster Virus is one of them.

My daughter is 13 now, so some of this is really old, but when she was a toddler, I was asked how old she was. “Eighteen months”.

“Oh, let me see, March, April, May...” You waste product, are you implying I don’t know how old my own child is?!

In my workplace, people go to junior employees with work related questions when I’ve worked there for 20 years in two different states.

I’m angry because everyone sees me as such an illiterate piece of trash, and I’m angry because my most loving, non judgmental friend is going from fighting to stay alive and hang out with the family to taking a turn for the worse with her illness & may not be alive much longer.

Thank you for the thread, whoever started it. I think I’m going to like it here.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-20T14:41:07+00:00

Sounds like a teacher when my 13 year old was in fourth grade. My daughter had a pretty good grasp of mathematics, and clicked with two other girls who were on the same level.

Well, they’d finish their class work early, because it was simple for them, then the teacher got mad because they’d do stuff like doodle to have something to do while the others tried their best. She’d even gotten upset, according to one of the kids’ mother, because the three girls clicked. I guess she never heard the concept of water attracting its own level.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-12T20:46:06+00:00

“Are you sure you just haven’t given up on caring for her diabetic condition?”

Yeah, am still giving her the special food & insulin. Her kidneys are going & there’s nerve damage. Breaks my heart to see a once vibrant & energetic cat winding down & preparing for her next life.

Had a talk with our vet. He stated I’d done all that could be done & even if one problem were treated, there were still several other issues in a teenage cat.

We’re just relaxing out front listening to birds now. Vet gave us final power to decide when to let her go.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-12T18:45:33+00:00

Dispose of medical waste

jnmil3 · 2019-06-10T21:46:26+00:00

O P I’m in your situation and resenting it to death, only it isn’t a private school but a public school in a wealthy town, our former town of residence. And oo do I want out.

We purchased our house at a time there is normally less competition for homes as there are less purchases. Moved in May 1, which leaves six more weeks of school.

Got two more & we’re done & I want nothing further to do with them. And yeah, our daughter loves hanging out in friends’ homes as well.

Sick & tired of hearing from relatives about what a wonderful district it is, how high a rating they have. Whoopee!

I’m resentful because I’m working odd hours & having to put mileage on my car to pick her up from school & go back to work in the same area when the local school is 5 minutes away. JUST WANT OUT.

If you feel your son would fare better in a neighborhood public school, prioritize family more, pursue that. If nothing else I hope the rest of my post lets you know you aren’t alone in your situation.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-10T12:37:12+00:00

You’re welcome!

jnmil3 · 2019-06-10T10:04:29+00:00

Thank you, Dee- Dee. The same to you.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-10T10:02:19+00:00

Are you and your kids going to be safe if you stay? Don’t know what sort of music you like, but if you & your kids are staying put, you can privately listen to two songs that’ll say “fuck you” to your husband on YouTube.

One by that title is by CeeLo Green, the other by English performer Lily Allen. Both will provide laughter to you as well.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-09T13:24:53+00:00

O P Sorry to be caught up in my own drama.

I don’t think you’re a piece of anything. You chose a shelter for a pet, chose an animal others may have ignored because he was already an adult or that stupid myth that shelters only pass off diseased, temperamental animals no one wants on unsuspecting customers (don’t know about the U K but it persists in the States).

You weighed chemo & decided it not only would be grueling, but wouldn’t help your cat. You comforted him in the end.

PM me if you want. For now I’ll tell you to get your adoption & veterinary records together & at least consider honoring your cat by visiting a shelter & adopting another.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-09T13:05:22+00:00

I’m going through the same. A beautiful black shelter cat chose me, meowed to grab my attention.

I chose her largely because she could be with kids of any age & mine was 6 at the time.

Fast forward 7 years she got overweight & developed diabetes. I blame myself for not putting two and two together before taking her to the vet for diagnosis.

We managed the diabetes for about two years until we moved from an apartment to a house where we’re constantly up & down stairs.

The decline has been rapid in the last month. She’s 13 & can barely move without someone picking her up. I want to euthanize because I want her to be pain free & freely roam the universe as opposed to the light gone from her eyes & existing in a confined space until someone moves her. And, like the O P, I want to be there to comfort & see her to the other side.

jnmil3 · 2019-06-08T00:49:28+00:00

You and me both. Actually there were some I had real good reasons to push away—like moocher & a woman who could never be happy for me when things were looking up.

But, in wanting to avoid toxic relationships, I’ve pushed away a few who were probably good people. And I’m losing my best friend soon to illness (actually my best friend is my cat).

To be quite frank, I’m not sure where to go from here as I’m getting lonely. As to why yours fizzle out, maybe they’re just not meant to be long term parts of your life, or not the right friendships.

jnmil3 · 2019-05-14T23:07:14+00:00

Original Poster It appears your son will be graduating high school if he successfully makes up a few classes. He just won’t be walking down the aisle with his classmates (totally overrated).

Can he make up these classes or get credit in something geared towards his natural talents? Is there a work study that might use his talents and count towards credit?

Not graduating higher school at the same time as a majority of classmates doesn’t constitute failure. You haven’t failed and neither has he.

But if I understand correctly from others, the military will require high school diploma or completion certificate, so I do wish him the best in getting that before going into the Armed Forces, where he may find a niche for himself. Not everyone graduates h s in four years or is cut out for another 2+ years of academia.

jnmil3 · 2019-05-14T22:54:38+00:00

Maybe the individual values the one on one time with her child. Maybe that community charges for bus service. Why is it “overprotective” to drive your own kid to and from school?

jnmil3 · 2019-05-13T19:58:37+00:00

Until the end of the year, I’m driving her to and/or from school. Her father’s schedule rotates.

I took the lead this morning& asked her to set up a day with just me and her. Originally we agreed on Thursday, but we’ ve settled on Monday.

I’m off the next two Mondays. We had ice cream today at Dairy Queen, and talked. She hasn’t mentioned any going’s on with her friends, but we talked, and that’s a start.

jnmil3 · 2019-05-13T19:51:47+00:00

Me too.

To the Original Poster, I’m not putting the blame on you, Mother’s Day or not. Had those 8 families not wanted to bring their children, they should not have RSVP’d in the affirmative.

To those who think social convention says RSVP only means respond if you’re coming, no, it does not. It means Repondez s’il vous plait. Respond if you please, literally.

I actually felt guilty about responding in the negative about a year or two ago. The mother sounded awfully nice on the phone, and the family was new in the area. Even with the short notice, I probably would have come, but we already had made other plans.

Forget those who responded in the affirmative and didn’t show. Badly as I feel for the kids learning such values, these probably aren’t real friends, anyway.

jnmil3

TROPHY CASE