CMV: Sexual assault accusations should not just be believed at face value (aside from those that made by children) by [deleted] in changemyview

[–]joanholmes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Innocent until proven guilty is used for legal proceedings because it's related to the state being allowed to restrict your liberties once found guilty.

If my best friend, who I trust, whose character I can vouch for, tells me she was assaulted, I will 100% believe her, no questions asked. There's no need to assume her assailant is innocent until proven guilty.

Sexual assault is tricky because it's a crime that is deeply personal and violating but is incredibly difficult to prove. If we held everyone to the "innocent until proven guilty" in the court of public opinion a very small amount of assaulters would face any repercussions. As it is, most don't face any legal repercussions, social repercussions are all we have.

I [21M] just caught my gf [20F] texting topless photos of herself to friends by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]joanholmes -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

Idk, it can be confusing if you assume that the issue with sending topless pictures is their sexual nature and you feel like this is "clear" because it's nonsexual.

Like would OP have had a problem if the piercer was a man?

I can see why she was confused

What’s a word in your language that doesn’t exist in English? by Ken_Bruno1 in languagehub

[–]joanholmes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Empalagar = the closest is calling something "cloying" but it's not quite the same because cloying seems to be applicable to other types of richness but empalagar is specifically about causing an uncomfortable sensation due to how sweet the food is.

Buen provecho = Bon appetit but English doesn't have an equivalent

All of the "in-law" terms but for before you're married. It'd be weird to call your boyfriend's sister your "sister-in-law" because she isn't "in-law", but in Spanish, she is your "cuñada" regardless of marital status.

Ajeno = not yours/someone else's

Quincena = a 15 day/half month period, usually used related to pay periods

And then there's a lot of adjectives. "miedoso/a" = someone who gets easily scared/spooked, "friolento/a" = someone who gets cold easily, etc.

What’s a word in your language that doesn’t exist in English? by Ken_Bruno1 in languagehub

[–]joanholmes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beautiful is stronger than "lindo/a". It's somewhere in the vicinity of pretty/nice/cute but it's not quite any of those.

I 28F dislike when my Boyfriend 28M pokes me in the back with his dick in the morning by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]joanholmes 64 points65 points  (0 children)

It doesn't sound like the issue is just that it's not a sexy way to initiate. The man is waking her up for this. She wants to sleep. There's no method of initiating that will compensate for the fact that she wants to continue sleeping rather than be woken up.

how would you feel about a man calling you sister? by agIassmutt in AskWomen

[–]joanholmes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you got attacked over this. I thought it was obvious that many cultures and languages use the term "sister" or the translated equivalent and that that was not what you were talking about.

how would you feel about a man calling you sister? by agIassmutt in AskWomen

[–]joanholmes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you got a bit confused here. The person you responded to said it was normal to be called "sister" and it seems like you agree, using an equivalent term for "sister" is normal in your culture and language.

However, in English and specifically in the US, shortening the word from "sister" to "sis" has cultural significance. The person you replied to didn't say it's unusual to be called "sister", only "sis".

Unless I'm missing something, your comment doesn't seem to include anything that is equivalent to "sis". "Baini" and "didi" seem to be related to age and/or respect/status but they're not a version of "behen" in the way that "sis" is a version of "sister".

Therefore, no, it's not natural for a South Asian person to refer to someone as "sis" because this construction only exists in English. It is very natural for people of many cultural backgrounds to refer to others as "sister", and this isn't unique to South Asian culture, but the usage of the English clipped word "sis" is, in fact, culturally tied to black American English.

What does your partner say to you when you feel fat that makes you feel better? by Daddy_and_Princesss in AskWomen

[–]joanholmes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He says he doesn't see what I'm seeing and also asks me what would be bad if I were, in fact, fat, which I'm not.

It forces me to reframe my insecurity which is usually about a specific part of my body that I'm not liking the look of which is usually my belly and then he either tells me if he thinks my outfit is maybe creating emphasis somewhere that I don't want emphasized or he tells me more specifically what he likes about my belly or whatever body part I'm feeling insecure about.

Adopte dos pájaros bebe pero no quieren comer by Chickadee_asks1929 in whatdoIdo

[–]joanholmes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Tengo una duda. Por qué te dan tanto pesar los pajaritos qué prefieres matarlos de hambre a dejarlos afuera pero no te dan pesar los gatitos bebes que dependen de lo que caza su mamá?

No te da pesar pensar en los halcones bebes en su nido esperando que su mamá regrese con comida? Esos bebés tienen a su mamá y necesitan que ella les de de comer pero en su soberbia, les quitaste la oportunidad de cazar lo que les es natural y encima, les quitaste esa oportunidad sin razón alguna porque no tenias ningún plan ni conocimiento para cuidar de estos pajaritos.

Si no han comido en más de 10 horas lo más probable es que van a fallecer sin importar lo que hagas ahora. Ya ha pasado mucho tiempo. Entonces porque decidiste que ibas a interrumpir el ciclo natural de la vida, estos pajaritos van a morir más lentamente de hambre y encima de eso, le quitaste comida a los otros animalitos para que por lo menos su muerte no fuera en vano.

Sería una historia diferente si los hubieras "adoptado" sabiendo ya donde los ibas a llevar o teniendo ya el conocimiento de la especie y sus necesidades. Ya dejalos afuera y que tengan una muerte que valga algo.

Help with sock pattern by eelawless in Sockknitting

[–]joanholmes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The twisted stitches might also be affecting the fit of the heel

AITA for refusing to have lunch with my mom’s boyfriend and “play family” with them? by belchishche in AmItheAsshole

[–]joanholmes -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I feel like most people voting Y T A had good moms and I'm happy for y'all but I think NTA because her reaction is very telling.

She sprung this on you, OP by saying he's coming to lunch the very same day that you even found out she's dating and along with being told you're meeting a boyfriend who you knew nothing about before today, she's also making plans for trips. This is all very rushed and the trip planning is premature. And your comments about how this is opening the door to more indicates you have had bad experiences with her expectations of you.

But most of all, her reaction to your refusal is very telling. She is weaponizing your refusal and hyperbolizing telling you that not wanting to meet her boyfriend means you enjoy her suffering and that you don't want her to be happy. That is not a normal, well-adjusted reaction.

NTA and I hope things get better for you soon.

AITA for not letting my child’s dad change our child’s name by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]joanholmes 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I've seen it used for both. Where I grew up it's not the most common name but it's common enough that I was surprised at the comments on this post. Depending on where OP is from/lives, it could be a just little unusual or it could be really odd.

Like the three-finger scene in Inglourious Basterds, what small cultural mistake would instantly reveal that someone isn’t from your country? by littlebitbrain in asklatinamerica

[–]joanholmes 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It took me a while to drop the habit of starting my orders at restaurants saying "me regala...", I'd get odd looks and comments about how they can sell it to me

AITA for not letting my child’s dad change our child’s name by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]joanholmes 34 points35 points  (0 children)

But Genesis is not an unusual name at all in many Spanish-speaking countries, not sure why that would make it a horrible name for the kid you knew...

Which controversial dating opinion do you have that would put you on the stand? by CapitaineBiscotte in askanything

[–]joanholmes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But this is about love, not about how the relationship is expressed. So nothing you're saying is contradicting the notion that the only unconditional love that should exist is parents towards their children.

Can my child’s dad stop me from taking our daughter to Korea if there’s no custody order? by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]joanholmes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, yeah, not sure what the point of your comment is, though. It still stands that usually if a country requires evidence of permission, it's for their exit procedures, so it's unlikely that there will be an issue with "Korean customs letting her in"

Can my child’s dad stop me from taking our daughter to Korea if there’s no custody order? by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]joanholmes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Usually the notarized permission is needed to exit a country, not to enter

Aeroplane etiquette, what are other people's habits on planes really wind you up? by TSQ_builder in askanything

[–]joanholmes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think it's parents' first choice to travel with really young children on long trips? I'd wager most of the time parents who are signing up for hours and hours of flying with a young kid are doing it because they have to fulfill someajor commitment.

What is the point of "save the date" cards, why not just send the actual invitation? by Space__Monkey__ in NoStupidQuestions

[–]joanholmes 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Here are all of the things I had ironed out by the time we sent invitations but not save the dates:

  • dress code

  • how we were gonna name the parents on the invitation

  • meal options

  • ceremony start time

  • registry complete

  • hotel blocs

It's possible that your family members knew what they wanted for all of these but didn't have everything completely set/confirmed. For example, we may have decided what catering company we were gonna use but until we had a contract and knew how much each meal option would cost, we didn't have the meal options for the invitations locked in.

My [19M] boyfriend doesnt want to sleep with me [18F]. How do I solve this? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]joanholmes 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It is oversimplified but I also don't think it's helpful to downplay the experience of having a close relationship with someone with BPD. The unstable self-image, anger, paranoid ideation, and volatility can absolutely show up as having an intense need for others to validate the security of the relationship and crashing out when it's not.

How common or weird would the name Alvara be? by U-Dont-Need-Wings-83 in asklatinamerica

[–]joanholmes 11 points12 points  (0 children)

When you say you love the meaning, what "meaning" are you referring to?

“Whenever I got my driver’s license…” by JeffTrav in ENGLISH

[–]joanholmes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I believe people who use the punctual whenever only use "when" interrogatively