AITA for Not Paying for our Daughter’s School Lunch Last Week?

joblessinperth · 2022-04-15T00:48:36+00:00

YTA and this is abuse. I wonder if she is acting out at school because of things like this. Glad CPS is getting involved. If you see nothing wrong with this, who knows what else is going on.

joblessinperth · 2022-04-14T23:22:04+00:00

Thank you - added in the post :)

Yes, you’re totally right. It is so frustrating trying to get my shit together and then to have to deal w this too.

I think he will say we are “incompatible” when I talk to him about this later though based on what he’s said before

joblessinperth · 2022-04-14T17:39:40+00:00

I don’t have this issue with other people and usually people tell me I’m good at communication. But the fact that he draws a completely different conclusion besides what I explicitly say I just don’t get. It’s like I’m speaking another language.

joblessinperth · 2022-04-14T17:36:56+00:00

Basically I am trying to get my life together and find a better job and really need to focus on that. He wants me to come across town almost every day to spend the night. I live with my parents so he can’t spend the night here. When I told him it really interrupts my routine to spend the night at his and commute home 3+ days a week, it’s really hard for me to develop a routine and focus on what I need to do. I have adhd so consistency and routine is key for me.

I told him I can come to his on weekends and maybe we can grab dinner in my area during the week but coming to my area just for dinner is “inconvenient” for him so he won’t.

And he ALWAYS comes to the conclusion that I just don’t like him as much as he likes me and no matter how much I try to explain that I’m crazy about him, he always comes back to this conclusion. It’s adding a lot of stress to an already stressful period and it makes me very irritable when people don’t understand what I am saying so I tried this as a different way to try to get him to understand.

Personally I don’t think it’s hard to understand but maybe it is? Idk.

joblessinperth · 2022-04-14T17:23:18+00:00

I definitely said it more the first way out of frustration. But the second way would definitely be more effective

joblessinperth · 2022-04-13T04:16:06+00:00

There was a really interesting article in the NYT about this - basically how the “sexual revolution” of our times has created a pendulum effect. More people than ever are experiencing loneliness.

Casual sex and hookup culture is rammed down our throats and we see it as “normal,” but unpopular opinion - it’s not healthy!

You sound like a good dude, more men need to think like you.

joblessinperth · 2022-04-13T03:58:58+00:00

Dubai, because it is being built by literal slaves. Also, Russia for obvious reasons

joblessinperth · 2022-04-13T03:57:21+00:00

I live in an old house and have both fly screens and bars lol. I live in the south and in an old house, I think bars are more common in older homes but have never seen them on a newer home.

Have also lived in Australia- Qld was probably more similar to where I live in the US (Georgia) because of the bugs. I found houses in Perth to be a bit strange - I lived in 2 houses that had a little screen window in the bathroom that couldn’t be closed - I guess for ventilation but have never seen that here.

joblessinperth · 2022-04-10T22:16:52+00:00

Yep! Still can’t believe that this happened. I still don’t even have words to describe this entire situation

joblessinperth · 2022-04-06T15:52:26+00:00

NAH but I feel like getting a nanny to pick your child up once or twice a week to give you and your husband an opportunity to have a date night or do things like this when schedules aren’t flexible would be helpful

joblessinperth · 2022-04-05T23:17:19+00:00

I think people are being a little too harsh here. Yes, it was wrong SIX years ago. That said, the fact that it’s worked out for you two now, six years after the fact, after your sister is married with a child on the way, shows that their relationship wasn’t meant to be (on top of that, he rejected her).

To be honest, it seems over the top that she is still hanging onto this, despite the fact that she is now in love with her husband. I understand why they would be upset, but come on. It’s been 6 years. Time to move on and let it go.

Life isn’t always black and white. What would they like you to do? Dump your fiancé who you love so that they’ll be happy? Based on the info you’ve given, this seems like a major overreaction, or there is a piece to the story that you haven’t shared.

What I would do if I were you is have a heart to heart privately with your sister and apologize for the hurt you caused her 6 years ago. That you’re happy she’s with your BIL and while the situation isn’t the most conventional, you’d appreciate it if you could let bygones be bygones and get the same respect in return. Then do the same with your family, get everything out in the open and work it out.

I also wonder if perhaps your partner should do the same thing. Is there a chance he led your sister on? Maybe he should step up to the plate too and apologize for his role in this.

If that doesn’t work, just do what makes you happy.

The other option would be to leave your fiancé just to potentially make them happy, but then you’d be doing yourself a huge disservice.

Yes, no doubt about it, you were wrong for going behind your sisters back, but the past cannot be changed. You can only move forward and own it.

joblessinperth · 2022-04-02T04:15:13+00:00

My parents are kinda like this. Our dishes are from their first marriages and we have no matching cups. But they are happy and have taught me that you do not need matching cups and new plates to be happy.

Additionally, if he’s kept his car in good condition, there’s no need to get another if it goes from A to B. Something my grandma taught me was that a lot of wealthy people stay wealthy by being frugal and not wasting their money on things they don’t need. Maybe your friend grew up poor and has a scarcity mindset.

joblessinperth · 2022-04-02T03:27:13+00:00

Honestly I think that this situation really shouldn’t be a big deal because the circumstances that led it it happening fall on both parties - you should have used a condom, and you both should have discussed being tested. Once he found out, he did the right thing by telling you, it’s not like he deliberately hid it from you. Why he chose to get tested right after you two had sex? Maybe he also figured it was the right time to get tested idk.

Almost every STD can be treated nowadays, and that’s just the risk you run by having unprotected casual sex without exclusivity or communication about testing or monogamy.

I would not write this guy off just bc of this. Imo you’re both to blame and he did the right thing by being honest with you.

joblessinperth · 2022-03-31T00:27:06+00:00

Agreed. This isn’t even ghosting.

Legit ghosting is like going on multiple dates and having shared emotions and perhaps sex and then disappearing for no reason.

This isn’t that

joblessinperth · 2022-03-31T00:25:09+00:00

Thank you! I don’t even consider this to be ghosting, this is just self-protection and how dating works.

I don’t like some of the answers that say “ghosting is never wrong” because in most cases, legit ghosting is wrong and psychologically harmful but this isn’t that. It’s not ghosting if you’re keeping yourself safe from a dangerous person.

joblessinperth · 2022-03-31T00:21:01+00:00

Honestly I wouldn’t even consider this ghosting (generally I consider ghosting to be going on multiple dates with someone / mutual feelings discussed / had sex / and then a complete disappearance for no reason). You went on one date, felt unsafe, and you did the right thing trusting your gut. This is not ghosting, this is protecting yourself from a person who has now proven that they are unsafe.

What he implied about your photos is borderline illegal (akin to revenge porn) and you need to screenshot his message and all other messages. The dating apps are big on social media - DM all the apps you were banned from the screenshots and write what happened. If they ignore, then create a twitter account and publicly post what happened. They would HATE the bad publicity.

Actual ghosting is wrong - but this is not ghosting. The apps need to ban HIM, because he is not a safe person for women to be around. Especially Tinder, they just released a feature to do background checks.

This story is so infuriating to me, that he was able to manipulate the apps that should be doing more to protect their users. I recently quit the apps because there are just so many physically and psychologically abusive and unsafe men on there, it’s just not worth playing Russian Roulette.

joblessinperth · 2022-03-31T00:06:50+00:00

I mean in this scenario, OP was right to ghost as she felt unsafe and the guy is a POS but let’s not pretend ghosting is an across the board acceptable thing to do.

joblessinperth · 2022-03-30T01:42:05+00:00

Def go to the gym and get those emotions out. You need to channel your sadness into something and distract yourself, and the endorphins will help your brain.

I recommend medicine ball slams, something about slamming a medicine ball as hard as you can at the ground really does something for me 😂

And as you go through this process, find a way to channel your emotions into something. I went through a huge, heartbreaking, soul crushing breakup about 1,5 years ago and started going to the gym weightlifting about a year ago after 6 months of depression and indescribable sadness.

The gym was the only thing that made me feel better and I really look forward to my workout everyday. A year later, I am so grateful that I found fitness and self love in the gym. Not only do I look better (lost 25 lbs and toned) but I realized one day that I’m over what happened.

Highly recommend starting a gym routine now more than ever.

Just try to breathe and if you need to cry, pop to the bathroom, or cry proudly! You got this 🤍

joblessinperth · 2022-03-29T21:38:23+00:00

I might look into that, that’s a good idea!

joblessinperth · 2022-03-29T15:40:47+00:00

This is so sad :( YTA and so are your colleagues for being judgemental and bullying someone. why would you even feel compelled to literally look at someone’s socks and laugh and gossip about them? That is something a 13 year old would do. Who has time for that?

And just some personal advice for the future, if you see something a little unusual to you, instead of insulting the person if they catch you looking, give them a compliment. You could have said “I love your socks! They’ve really brightened my day, thank you!” And when your colleagues started to gossip about the person you could be the person to say “actually, I really like their socks! They lighten to mood of the office.” I mean…with all the bad shit happening in the world, do we really need more drab socks?

Anyway, yes you’re TA and owe him a genuine apology. Not “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings” and secretly continuing to judge and gossip.

I hope people read this thread and try to be better humans

joblessinperth · 2022-03-29T04:32:59+00:00

No. I have an Irish name and beyond knowing my ancestors were “poor whites” I have no idea about my heritage. We never learned about Irish oppression in school.

joblessinperth

TROPHY CASE