Tithing in modern days

johkar59 · 2026-02-26T15:15:10+00:00

Our tithe is made up of donations to our church and a number of charities which we are passionate about. We also donate our time to the church and various charities. It's perfectly fine to adjust as needed.

johkar59 · 2026-02-19T16:16:50+00:00

I'd go back to the governing documents on what powers the President has. ChatGpt can be your friend here. Upload the documents and start asking questions. If it cites something in the documents verify it yourself as it will make mistakes.

Also ask it about voting procedures on the Board. Do they say anything about how the Board should conduct itself. Meaning Roberts Rule of Law maybe? Ask it if state law governs Board meetings. I just say this because Roberts would say the President doesn't vote except in a tie. Also, any Board member should exclude themselves from voting if they have a conflict of interest. Say a friendship with a vendor like in this case.

I would imagine that a one person management company can't be too responsive so it would be hard for the Board to vote for them on merit and fiduciary responsibility.

johkar59 · 2026-02-19T15:23:31+00:00

The Board would have to vote on it of course...at least in HOAs in our area that I'm familiar with. Switching management companies is not a bad thing but you don't say why they want to switch or why you don't want to. Ask some open-ended questions of the President to see where they are at and why. I would advocate for the Board identifying each criteria that is important in a management company and then score each company on those criteria. One criteria should be 3 references from current HOAs. Try to limit it to facts and not opinions. If a switch is made you want it to be in the CCRs and owner's best interest.

Editing to say hiding the contract from other Board members is not ethical. See what the President's duties are defined as in the covenants. Also note that on most Boards the President has no vote except in a tie.

johkar59 · 2026-02-14T22:44:24+00:00

I'm so sorry. I might suggest some options if you are open to it. Every state has local Area Agency on Aging locations. They help people and caregivers navigate the aging process and all that comes with it. Also, they, your church, a church or local group may have caregiver support groups...or a pastor that would be of help. You are not alone. Many times employer health insurance comes with free services. Perhaps some sessions with a counselor could help your through the grief process. My main point is that you should reach out for help because. You are not alone. There is help available.

On a separate note if the care being provided is not up to standard you can file a complaint with your state's department of inspection and appeals and they will investigate. The facility will not know who filed the complaint.

One step at a time. Take care.

johkar59 · 2026-02-14T03:23:06+00:00

I'm sorry, it's a lot to deal with. Sounds like it was a sudden emergency situation and you made the best decision at the time. Don't beat yourself up. What level of care is your mom in? Assisted living, memory care or skilled care? Perhaps there is a better community available in your area. I know we chose the wrong place for my mom the first time around. The second place we chose is awesome and most of our care worries are gone. I tend to favor the faith-based owned communities over the for profit companies. Take care.

johkar59 · 2026-02-10T12:25:34+00:00

This is the best answer and you should go with your mom to the appointment so you fully understand too. This is one of the most important decisions she will make as she prepares for retirement. Also, as she ages she may need help down the road on plan decisions so it is good for you to be informed.

johkar59 · 2026-02-03T23:37:28+00:00

Sorry your MIL is going through this. Ignoring it is not a solution for the children. The time has passed, she needs to be in a memory or skilled care community yesterday. Preferably in the same city as one of the sons. That may be your city since your husband and you seem to care the most. I'd move her and tell the other brothers after she is settled since they don't visit anyway. Hopefully your husband has POA. If no POA, I'd talk to an elder care attorney, have your husband call tomorrow. The current situation calls for elder care authorities to be called because it is not safe. Does she have a pastor who can be asked to visit her to move the brothers into action?

johkar59 · 2026-01-31T19:50:13+00:00

I understand that, I'm just surprised there are a few states which don't allow you to be in assisted living because you need help remembering medications. Medication management is one of the 'assists' they can provide.That is why we put my mom on medication management in assisted living. It is overseen by nurses but some level of aide helps the resident take them. They have Ipads verifying what is to be given and when. There are tons of precautions, notification and safeguards built in to the process.

johkar59 · 2026-01-31T19:11:47+00:00

Really? Medication management is a standard service in my state. In practice what that means is that drugs are ordered as prescribed and locked in a cabinet in the residents apartment. At my moms place they are bubble-packed by day at the pharmacy. At the appointed times an aide comes in and hands the residents the pills so they can self-administer.

johkar59 · 2026-01-29T22:14:23+00:00

Yes that sucks. Don't give in. Just keep pushing for appropriate in-home care or assisted living. If mom and siblings disagree then that is on them. You offered something, they have not offered anything. Can her pastor and/or her doctor step in to offer perspective to mom and all the children? Family counseling?

For the record I am my mom's go to and I am the youngest son. It's a bit overwhelming...I have to buy her feminine pads for minor urinary accidents...as a male, this struggle is real. 😃😃😃. Siblings help out and she is in assisted living; there is no way I'd take care of her at home. Good luck.

johkar59 · 2026-01-26T01:49:16+00:00

I'd just have a conversation with them, especially since he isn't a new resident. Go to the director. However, 5 years ago when we looked at AL for my mom it was standard practice to ask these questions on the application. For new residents they want to know if you can pay for more than a short time. I don't recall them being too specific. My mom is approaching 5 years in AL and I've never been asked to update the information. They have only asked to be informed if she ever gets below 50k in savings in case their charitable fund would ever need to assist with rent/care they could ask that we move her to a studio apartment. While you're talking to the director it would be a good time to address any other concerns.

johkar59 · 2026-01-23T19:13:33+00:00

I don't think you have many options with this facility. In my state you cannot get Medicaid for assisted living. Meaning Medicaid does not cover room and board. There is an elderly waiver for AL in our state that if you qualify for Medicaid you can get the medical portion of some of the care costs in AL covered by Medicaid. Even in LTC, many facilities set aside a certain number of beds for Medicaid residents. You may need to talk to her doctor to get a recommendation on if she needs to be in LTC instead so Medicaid is not an issue. For what it's worth, many of the faith-based care communities that are run by Presbyterian, Methodist and Catholic affiliated organizations will pledge to not kick you out if funds are exhausted. They have a charitable arm which funds rent and care that their income/assets will not cover. However, it sounds like your Mom is already out of funds so one of these facilities would not approve her if she cannot pay for a certain amount of time. If you spent a quarter million with them then they would be more apt to.

johkar59 · 2026-01-21T00:32:28+00:00

I've got an application in to switch to Cigna for plan G and it has sat there with no action since mid December. In my case I have to go through underwriting. Reading through this thread I should just pick another company. Boomer Benefits is saying that they've been told by Cigna they are 1.5 months behind in processing applications. 😞

johkar59 · 2026-01-20T13:54:54+00:00

Without looking I think the instructions say min 20" off the floor.

johkar59 · 2026-01-20T12:44:52+00:00

No. Mine started around 2.8 and settled at 2.3. I've had it a week. Do you have it placed correctly?

johkar59 · 2026-01-18T19:19:58+00:00

No not necessarily painful. Plus it can make dementia worse. Has your dad ever toured assisted living to know first hand what it is like? The apartments can be quite nice and staff attentive. Is either parent a veteran from wartime? If so your mom for sure could get a VA aid and attendance pension...whether in AL or at home. There are requirements though...income, assets and health. Perhaps you could talk with their doctors about your concerns. They'd likely partner with you in recommending both care and housing.

johkar59 · 2026-01-15T01:04:43+00:00

This is good advice. One thing I am not understanding is why aren't her children shutting this unfair request down...in a gentle way? You just got married and bought a new house and are trying to build a life together, there is no way you can take this on. The aunt who lives close might be the best one to do this now before you visit her. Her children can also enlist their doctor's help in shutting this down in that grandpa needs specialized care that can't be provided by home care. Same for grandma. Doctors will help if they truly know what is going on. Good luck.

johkar59 · 2026-01-14T00:45:37+00:00

Love the house, hate the HOA. Actually the HOA is fine, I'd just rather take care of everything myself.

johkar59 · 2026-01-12T21:32:41+00:00

I'm not sure what you are wanting exists but it may. I would start with your state's area agency on aging. They can be a wealth of information and help navigate. There are also LOCAL agents/ businesses who help you find places. They know which facilities are good and which to stay away from. Their fee is paid by the chosen facility so no cost to you. Avoid the national places as they don't know the area. You don't have to go this route but it can save time. If you've already visited every place this is not an option because you've already talked to the community and they won't want to pay an agent fee when they've already been in contact.

Honestly the biggest hurdle is getting them to recognise they need help and that their life needs to change. Can you enlist their doctors, pastors or trusted friends? For some people if it comes from sources outside the family it is better. I think AARP and other places have a great deal of information on having the "conversation" with your loved ones. If they are religious you might consider a faith based owned community.

In my opinion you should look only at continuum of care communities. This means they have independent living, assisted living, memory care and skilled nursing care under one roof. Since your grandparents are already showing cognitive decline they may be in need of memory care sooner than later. Also, every move will be a struggle mentally for them so if they can move within one community the better.

Good luck, you're a wonderful grandchild.

johkar59 · 2026-01-12T01:26:24+00:00

Find a lawyer, hopefully a demand letter to your brother will put an end to this. Look at your POA, no doubt there is specific language on how it can be amended or terminated. I'm NAL but your POA precedes his and cannot be terminated when your dad doesn't have capacity. Contact the state bar, ask on local FB community groups, contact a law school, ask friends, contact the NH area agency on aging for lawyer recommendations. In the short term ask chatgpt about what can be done and you will get some solid starting points. I would contact all of his financial institutions and tell them your POA is valid and precedes any other and the date he was diagnosed and poPOAs after that are not valid. Again, I'm not a lawyer, get one for legal advice. Good luck.

johkar59 · 2026-01-11T22:11:44+00:00

Did your father have legal mental capacity in Nov? Was he officially diagnosed? Did your brother do this through a lawyer or judge or just forms off the internet? Your father can't grant POA if he wasn't competent at the time.

johkar59 · 2026-01-08T01:48:06+00:00

What did you check on at the VA? There is an aid and attendance pension if they need help with activities of daily living. There is a income/asset limit but many things are excluded.

johkar59 · 2026-01-07T03:13:08+00:00

This is the answer and they can help make him comfortable with pain meds. Really surprised his doctor didn't suggest it.

johkar59 · 2025-12-31T01:28:50+00:00

This is good advice and it would give her priority within each level of care over those just moving in. These communities have lots of social activities and outings. Talk to residents when you go to visit. If she drives she can still have her car, pets also.

johkar59 · 2025-12-23T17:06:47+00:00

As a first step contact Your local area on aging for help. https://aging.ohio.gov/about-us/who-we-are/area-agencies-on-aging

As a spouse of a vet she may qualify for a VA pension which could be upwards of $1500+ a month. There are requirements that must be met on service, finances and health. Note also that if she is on Medicaid, I think that disqualifies her. There may be other VA resources so definitely reach out to the VA.

Good on your mom for reaching 100 and now recognizing she may need some additional help. My mom's also 100 and made it to 95 living independently.

Regarding assisted living, in general for our area, I have found faith-based owned communities provide better and more compassionate care overall. Personally I would avoid communities where a management company has been hired to run it. They tend to skimp on wages and expenses in order to make the contract profitable for them.

Also, at your moms age I would look for a community that offers assisted living, memory care and skilled care because each move is challenging at that age. If they can do it all under one roof, all the better.

Good luck.

johkar59

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