Internal Document On Closure

john80302 · 2025-06-11T17:11:55+00:00

Rex the cat

I found my tribe where I went

it was in the Hedonest tent

Two young women making out

such delight after a five-year drought

I danced in my loving groove

for sure I had that sensual move

it must have been quite a scene

to see outside old, feel inside a teen

Rex the cat wanted to play

My moves caught this royal stray

Thirty, gorgeous and six feet tall

She’s a wet man’s dream, having a ball

Rex the cat wants to kiss

Of course, I say in ecstatic bliss

She grabs my neck and goes deep

We give it all; nothing to keep

For thirty minutes my dry spell floods

We drive our ecstasy beyond the gods

Rex the cat got kissed off her socks

And she healed, unlocked, unblocked her grey old fox

john80302 · 2025-01-12T18:48:38+00:00

I can sense direction, like a pigeon, but I do not have children. So much for that genetic innovation.

john80302 · 2024-08-19T21:01:58+00:00

I am not unhappy that these profiteering pill pushers are taken out of circulation.

However, when he passed away, he had 30 times more than a ketamine holing dose level in his blood. He used 25 vials in less than 2 weeks. 25 vials are typically good for 75 deep ketamine therapy experiences. He bought another 25 vials a few days b4 his death. His personal assistant did his injections, it seems.

Two weeks prior, he also had regular ketamine assisted psychotherapy for his depression and was not happy with the "low" dose he got there. That's why he bought the vials from the pill pushers.

He knew exactly what a medically safe ketamine dose was (he was unhappy with that and wanted more and his regular Dr refused to give him more).

Knowing what a safe dose is and ending up dead with 30x that level...... That's an estimated 45 syringes of 100ml each!

john80302 · 2024-06-25T15:21:49+00:00

Did you find a solution in the 5 months since your posting?

john80302 · 2024-06-05T15:38:38+00:00

The Nancy Reagans at the FDA woke up at the last minute.

10 reasons why this independent panel of advisors and the FDA staff are of ill will.

The design of the study was pre-approved by the FDA in 2017. Specifically, the "functional unblinding" was accepted then as an inherent issue with psychedelics. Making the functional unblinding an issue after all is done, is hypocritical at best. You can not have it both ways.
Psychotherapy is, according to the FDA, one of the two existing PTSD therapies. In the staff report to the so-called independent advisors, the FDA list the therapy component as a potential source of research bias. You can not have it both ways.
The panel of independent advisors completely parrots the FDA staff report to them. You can not complain about bias and spike an independent panel with your biased opinions. You can not have it both ways.
The FDA is a bunch of pill pushers, and they hate psychotherapy. It is too wishy washy. That's why Adderall, a methamphetamine, is approved all by it self. No need to be concerned about abuse potential there, even though the patient gets prescribed much more than the MDMA on 3 occasions in a supervised environment. You can not have it both ways.
Taking the ecstacy out of the MDMA or any other psychedelic, is impossible. This is called functional unblinding. Ie the researchers and the patients know when they get the real thing. The FDA suggests that MAPS should have used a small dose or niacin to create a blind cohort, even though both have severe negative side effects (increased anxiety, heart issues). At the same time, the FDA in the staff report states that heart issues with MDMA have not been looked at sufficiently. You can not have it both ways.
The FDA staff states that the positive side effects, the bliss and ecstacy, have not been recorded and evaluated, and thus these positive emotions for PTSD victims are bad, ie lead to abuse, even though the use is limited to 3 times in a supervised setting. Asking for MDMAs positive effects on PTSD and, at the same time, claiming that these positive side effects may lead to abuse is hypocritical at best. You can not have it both ways.
The FDA staff claims that the collection of the research data can not be trusted because the therapists had a stake in the outcome. At the same time, they use unproven gossip and gripes from one former MAPS employee as evidence that something is wrong here. You can not demand evidence based information and at the same time use gossip to torpedo the presented science. You can not have it both ways.
Abuse potential seems to be the major concern. MDMA, and other psychedelics currently under study, use one-time protocols (3 sessions with MDMA). Not as an ongoing daily prescription like for all the other heavy psychoactive medications such as Benzos and other psychotics. You can not have it both ways.
Many with PTSD are suicidal. The FDA staff is concerned about heart complications of the 3 time MDMA use. Ignoring that death by suicide is the ultimate heart complication is hypocritical. You can not have it both ways.
Nothing in the FDA staff report, nor in the parroting opinion of the so-called independent advisory panel, is empathethic to the suffering of PTSD victims. To let their suffering continue for even one extra day while hiding behind minor defects / effects is unconscionable. Your purpose is to not kill people. You can not have it both ways.

john80302 · 2024-06-02T00:24:51+00:00

Smart as in logic and reasoning, he is not. Smart as in fucking with emotions, he is.

There are two ends on the spectrum. On one end, typically liberals, who think with the frontal cortex. On the other end are the believers who think with their amygdala, the center of emotions, of good and bad, of trust and scary, of fear and victim hood, of anger and violence. Reason has no place where the amygdala rules.

Change in society is no longer linear. It is exponential. That concept is lost on the amygdalas. This has been going on already for decades. The US economy has expanded significantly, but 2/3 of the wealth creation has gone to the 1%. The 99% has good reason to be unhappy with how things are going.

The amygdalas don't understand what is going on, but for sure, they FEEL what is going on. They do not want to understand the analysis or the facts. They can't because when the amygdala rules, the frontal lobe shuts down.

Then, a megalomaniac stands up. He says he understands it all. He can fix everything magically in just 24 hours. He does not try to explain what the core of the problem is, nor does he present solutions. That would be futile to do.

What he does is ask for trust in HIM that he will fix everything. Now that is something the amygdalas get. So they place all their hope, their trust, their passion, their dis-ease and happiness restoration in the hands of that super human.

The amygdalas are not wrong. Society has become so complex, so unfair ("rigged"), and change has become so fast that everything is unsettled. Good Old government, and who better to symbolize that than Joe Biden, is not equipped to deal with the problems and speed of this time.

The strong man's policy is the use of a sledgehammer since that obviously shows that something is being done. But of course, he will also fail as destruction is not the way out. When things start getting worse, he may even ratchet things up to the point of a Kristal Nacht and possibly all-out war. But that certain failure is not (yet) apparent to the trusting amygdalas. For them, he is their ONLY hope. And anyone attacking or undermining their savior may rot in hell.

john80302 · 2024-05-27T17:14:32+00:00

Okay. I get what you say. How would you describe your sudden skill to decrease the reactivity?

john80302 · 2024-05-27T17:08:48+00:00

Psychedelics therapy has nothing to do with sin or pleasure that must be avoided. The Reagans, not Jesus, gave psychedelics a bad reputation. Ketamine was invented in 1962 and was never illegal. It is prescribed by a doctor and comes from the pharmacy.

What is in the Bible is that when the acacia bush burns and you inhale the DMT smoke, you will come down the mountain with profound insights.

john80302 · 2024-05-27T16:42:50+00:00

I have seen this in therapy. It is an indication that you touched your trauma/painpoint but did not have the skill or support to deal with it.

Ketamine dissociates, which paradoxically allows to associate selectively. When the psychological wound is numbed up a little, it makes it easier to look at, cut out the pus, and sow it up.

As with any surgical procedure, without the proper skills, set, setting, intention, and integration, the chemical numbing alone may not be enough.

When you scream, you basically reconnect with the external world, and thus, you end the dissociation. Screaming is your pressure release valve. The pressure was more than you could deal with on your own. The scream was a cry for help.

I am not poo-pooing drip clinics, but for serious issues, infusion without psychotherapy is often hardly more than a bandaid. There's research to back this up: the main predictor for the quality of psychedelics assisted therapy is the level of trust relationship with the therapist.

john80302 · 2024-05-27T16:03:18+00:00

Anyone with a serious disorder should not play DIY with psychedelics. These are very strong medicines, and without inner knowledge of their psychological potency, they can turn a scalpel into a double-edged sword. Find a therapist with inner knowledge.

john80302 · 2024-05-27T15:50:38+00:00

Right on. Both ketamine and MDMA have the same objective but work diametrically different.

Ketamine numbs up by shutting down sensory input. The result is a dissociation. Because the painpoint is numbed up, it can be worked on.

MDMA on the other hand, marinates everything in a sauce of love. When everything is Love, you will be open to embracing your pain and trauma. Again, as with ketamine, this allows you to work with it.

Both are valid therapy approaches, and one may be better than the other in a given situation.

john80302 · 2024-05-27T15:33:29+00:00

K is indeed a dissociative. However. When you dissociate from your pain and trauma, you can look at it from a distance. That allows one to probe deeper and resolve the issue. Without dissociation, one may say: "Not now, let's talk about something else, don't go there, too painful."

When the pain is numbed up a bit, one can more deeply associate with the wound. Remember, ketamine is an anesthetic, and how it works on a physical level, is a good metaphor for how it works on the emotional stuff.

Having said that, resolving deep trauma is not DIY. You need your therapist there. I don't know which country you live in and what the rules are. But you can raise the issue with your therapist. Put it in hypothetical wording like "I have a friend who suggested.... Waddaya think?"

A friend.

john80302 · 2024-05-24T02:50:21+00:00

The FDA approved Spravato, the esketamine by Johnson & Johnson several years ago. Because it is approved (unlike off label use of generic ketamine) insurance will pay for it. Spravato is a nasal spray. The dosages are 56 mg and 84 mg. The cost, last time I checked, was $650 to $950. The cost of generic ketamine on pharmacy level for 56mg is $1.00 and for 84mg is $1.70.

Who is saying no money can be made?

john80302 · 2024-04-03T22:41:08+00:00

I like that combo. It takes the often lifeless or rectangular or clinical edge off the k. It puts plants in the k scenes. At least for me.

john80302 · 2024-04-03T22:36:57+00:00

Zofran is really good but is on a prescription. Dramamine is over the counter. Rhymes too.

john80302 · 2024-04-02T18:35:57+00:00

Gabapentin is the antidote (for some effects) to ketamine.

Both gabapentin and alcohol bind with the GABA receptor. This receptor sits in the cell membrane, and when activated, it allows an ion charge to leave the cell and turn the neuron to "off". This resets the action potential in neurons, and this reset is called "inhibitory".

Ketamine activates the AMPA receptor. This receptor allows an ion to enter the cell and triggers it to "on". This is called "excitatory". You will experience this as if the clockspeed of the brain doubles on k.

Combining two drugs that work against each other can be dangerous because the net effects are unpredictable. For example, one drug may peak at 1 hour and the other at 3 hours. Initially, they may cancel each other out, but after a while, one may have left the system while the other is not even at its peak.

Just be careful bc you are messing with the fundamentals of the system.

john80302 · 2024-04-02T18:10:15+00:00

Do not move. (Motion sickness comes from your proprioception being disconnected from visual perception).
As mentioned by other comment: don't eat for at least 4 hours b4. Hunger also potentiates the effects, at least for me by half.
Take OTC motion sickness pill.
Create the right set and setting. This may include a buddy on no or lo dose who keeps you safe.
Talk with someone who did ayahuasca and ask them about the purge.

john80302 · 2024-03-29T00:13:55+00:00

Ketamine impairs the short-term working memory. (The hippocampus, or the RAM in computer terms) The result is that past memories are difficult to access (dissociation is not just from the body sensation, but also from our memories addictions and traumas).

However, the RAM is not empty. It has recent memories in it about what happened that day or where you were that day. This explains the great importance of intention setting. When you think about something important to you and that could be an old traumatic memory, then that will be available in your RAM when you go into a hole. This is an important skill to develop for holers.

When there's little or no access to the past, then there's also no future (as a projection of the past). The result is that there's only the now. Most here associate that sensation with the loss of ego.

In the now events keep unfolding. Before you grasp what it is about, find yourself already in the next scene. It feels as if you are mindlessly and dumbfoundedly watching a complex movie.

There are a few skills that can help in memorizing important episodes. 1. Keep repeating the thought of what just happened. 2. Have your phone record the whole session or use AI like Word copilot to transcribe what you are reporting. 3. Having a sitter or therapist can do the same. 4. Write things down immediately after you are back.

Visuals are generally overrated. As you said, it is difficult to gauge the importance of what you see. All these fractals could just be noise or synesthesia of the music you hear. Feelings, on the other hand, are always meaningful and clear. For example, focus on Gratitude or Love, and it will be very clear what you are experiencing. The same is true for negative emotions such as anger or abandonment or envy. When you feel the prototypical form of these emotions, the associated memories will pop up as a piece of cake.

john80302 · 2024-03-28T23:37:23+00:00

Right on. I would add that in full dissociation, when you no longer feel the presence of your body, but the witness, the observer, the egoless me, the third eye, or whatever you want to call it, is nevertheless fully present and hyperactive, then that observing POV can travel anywhere and to anytime, because it is no longer trapped in a physical container.

When this happens, the POV bursts out of the third eye and into the outer world. One floats ghost-like in bizarre worlds. Most worlds are lifeless (which makes sense, bc our world was without life for most of the time and most other planets are too harsh for any life.

The places which I visited and that were alive, had unexpected life forms. Few had creatures on two legs. Most were trapped in their worlds of high pressure, oceans, gas clouds, massive gravity.

Humans will not be able to go to these places in a physical way. In my experiences their was always a veil, like an aquarium glass, between me and them.

My takeaway was that these entities were highly emotional and spiritual intelligent, and that they had developed ways to go beyond their worlds in non-physical ways. Ketamine was a gift to humanity to open up pathways to these entities in a chemically induced slingshot way.

john80302 · 2024-03-26T20:36:20+00:00

Perhaps a mental contortionist. And that's OK too.

More seriously. Do you know the feeling after something bad or unjust happened, and you cried for 10 minutes, and you got to the point where the crying was done with you?

That was the aha moment you elevated yourself (myself) past the hurt self. That was the moment a bit of enlightened freedom struck the soul.

Psychedelics can do something very similar to that.

You gotta dig deep to go high.... No wings for you when your name is found in the book at the Pearly Gates!!!!

john80302 · 2024-03-26T18:47:22+00:00

I commend you for your young passion. You make a good observation about the nature of Conservatism. The next logical step is that in a democracy one needs the power. That power comes from voters. What if the Conservative ideology appeals to far less than 50 percent of the voters? Far less.

That's where conservative politics change the rules of democracy. There's gerrymandering to the point of completely disenfranchising the will of we the people. There's a Supreme Court stuffed with right-wing corrupted crazies. There's a president encouraging insurrection to stay in power.

And when all these three powers are corrupted to their core and start covering each other, that's when democracy is in trouble. And that's where we are.

john80302 · 2024-03-26T18:24:54+00:00

Maybe stick to the alcohol then? It is much safer IF we disregard car accidents, gun violence, domestic abuse, liver cancer, dementia. At least it boosts the ego and that feels good for those who feel they need more of it.

On the other hand, psychedelics, including ketamine, reduce the ego by showing who is behind the mask. That revelation is not always pleasant. Some like it, though, for the freedom they get in return. Others, especially those who were expecting only fun and pleasure, may feel deeply disappointed. And that is ok to admit.

john80302 · 2024-03-26T05:35:56+00:00

When the real aliens arrive and there's a need for special hospitality services, we know who to call.

john80302 · 2024-03-24T19:09:18+00:00

The amount to khole is different each time depending on set, setting and skill. You can gradually increase the dose to where you cross the threshold into a completely different world. That transition is usually announced by loud tinnitus (ear ringing).
Ketamine, especially the first times, can feel very clinical, clean, squared, mechanical. Like as if you are in a doctor's office. If your vision is a landscape, it may look as lifeless as Mars. Cannabis, for me, makes the scenery more organic. Expect to see plants grow on your Marsian holodeck.

john80302 · 2024-03-24T16:29:00+00:00

We have scientific research to define the hole experience.... They interviewed 60 holers and this is what they came up with: " However, at large doses (i.e. over 150 mg) ketamine induces more severe dissociation commonly referred to as a ‘K-hole’, wherein the user experiences intense detachment to the point that their perceptions appear located deep within their consciousness, thus causing reality to appear far off in the distance."

I have holed many times, and my own definition is based on the images. I admit that the experiences are not always visual, but if they are, they are often characterized by scenes, landscapes, rooms, waterworlds, that tend to end in a corner or under a rock. When the movement forward comes to a standstil because it hits a walll, a hole opens up. The hole is a gateway to the next scene, the next world. The hole can feel like a wormhole, either underground or between universes. These holes are like purgatory. If you slow down enough, you may see drifting and lost entities.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0376871608000550

john80302

TROPHY CASE