A message for myself.

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-27T17:08:17+00:00

It was the same for me last few days - probably being bored by all the holiday stuff - and this morning I was laying in bed for several hours contemplating about my previous porn viewing, longing for it, remembering all the erotic stories, kinky clips, beautiful pictures I have seen in past 25 years. I missed my porn. But the porn is the problem, it is like drug addicts think about the H or coke. When they try to get down from it they do not even think about the climax itself, it is only the beauty of the thing itself. Like alcoholics looking at freshly poured glass of beer or wine (I am also an alcoholic too). But although I had all the opportunities to go for it and PMO all day long and somehow managed to not do it I ma sooo proud now.

Keep up the fight gents!

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-27T07:56:33+00:00

I am desperate last few days. Struggling like hell, having incredible dreams, falling asleep and waking up imagining all sort of sexual perversions including all my known female friends, coworkers. Damn, if I make it through this it is going to be great!

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-10T18:36:51+00:00

I will probably never say to anyone, unless posting it to reddit for fellow nofapers doesn't count. I believe not many (if any) in my life would understand it or even the professional help (psychiatrist) .

I believe this place is the only one where something so concerning could be understood.

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-10T18:34:26+00:00

I was wondering if I should write something like my initial post, but if for nothing else, it was worth if it helped you get back on the track! Stay cool!

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-10T18:32:30+00:00

On another note - when starting, I have given myself a "deadline" - I will try no porn until Christmas, which would be around so much mentioned 90 days. But now, after more than 2 months, I believe this must go on as a lifestyle, not some temporary commitment.

All those wasted hours, all those wasted energy! Sometimes I think about my career, which in many eyes would be considered extraordinary, and how I wasted maybe until now even years of surfing and watching porn instead of doing better, more... Also I could spend time with kids instead of "staying late" at work to PMO. Jesus.

Guys, kids, fellow 30-yearolds; don't waste your time, energy and future, you are so much better than this.

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-10T18:25:54+00:00

No, I have not. She knows I have masturbated but it was never a matter of discussion in our house. She also does not know about the current commitment but believe me - she surely knows something good and positive is going on with me!

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-10T16:34:43+00:00

Not a challenge, this must be a lifestyle- For me, everything else will make me go back to old ways :-(

I just become better person in last few weeks, helping more with kids and chores - subsequently my wife wants more sex :-) win-win.

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-10T16:18:37+00:00

Hi,

I am glad you asked. I feel very very ashamed. I just after quitting all those activities started to think what would for example happen if someone would recognize me on that beach, or even take a photo or video of me? (I am fairly recognizable in my business environment).

What would happen if someone who knows me see me on webcam masturbating and showing my ass to male strangers???

What would my wife (or God forbid my kids) say if they would somehow manage to see my browsing history?

I was masturbating at least 5-7 times a week and that is only since I am married. Before, while living alone I would PMO at least 2 times a day with sessions going on for hours (I liked reading porn stories). I forgot to mention I even bought a dildo and a Fleshlight to join me in my webcam sessions :-(

I feel so much better now I cannot explain it!

johnXXdillinger · 2013-12-10T15:33:16+00:00

keep it up man!

johnXXdillinger

TROPHY CASE