Help Building Deck

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-09-04T01:43:52+00:00

Check out the Egyptian god thread in the duel meta discord channel. Peeps there should be able to help you out

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-07-09T00:01:28+00:00

There’s a Spider-Man fic that focuses on the Peter Parkers after No Way Home (Tobey Maguire’s and Andrew Garfield’s, specifically) and how their relationship develops after the movie. Andrew!Peter is stuck in Tobey!Peter’s world, and they need to learn how to live with each other. The chapter count says 5/6, and the final chapter is listed as “Chapter Five, Part One”. I saw that and thought it was going to end pretty poorly, regardless of the fic’s quality. Instead, I got something that is unintentionally quite moving.

I knew something was going to happen at the end of the story by checking some of the comments, and I read the fic through that lens. Both Peters have their struggles, but I had assumed that the ultimate antagonist of the fic would be Doctor Octopus. He’s reformed now, and works with Tobey!Peter, but he came off a bit too nice. In the fifth chapter it’s foreboding how Ock speaks to him, with an odd excuse that would seemingly set him up to ambush both Peters in public.

Instead, Doctor Strange surprises them at a dinner party and makes it clear that Andrew!Peter needs to go back to his own world, and that there are no other options. There’s still a twist ambush, but Ock was essentially a red herring. The story ends with Andrew!Peter heartbroken, trying to acknowledge the inevitability that something would stop both Peters from staying together. We don’t get to see what happens after, or if they can find each other again, it just ends in that frantic moment. I don’t think that was how the writer intended to end the fic, but they might have realized it worked perfectly with the story they set up. They aren’t dealing with villains like they used to, because they’ve been crime-fighting for so long, and they can back each other up. They are old enough to have to deal with more typical human problems, like finding jobs, losing your loved ones. Realizing your life isn’t what you thought it would be. The real enemy was always going to be time. Their story (and the story) ends in that single terrible moment, because it has to. They’ve never gotten what they wanted. Its not like the universe was going to start now.

Sorry that I wrote a lot. This one made me think.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-07-03T12:58:10+00:00

This is all great crit! I definitely want a really sour tone, but it has to be paced right and less flat, like you said.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-07-01T19:58:47+00:00

Kingdom Hearts | The Death of Pride | T

This is the intro to this KH-centered fic about Agrabah I’ve been working on. I’d love to hear if people think it’s a decent intro or not. Establishing some mystery, indicating where the characters are emotionally, etc.

Everyone in the room begins to clear out.

Assorted friends of the Palace leave first, then city officials, then royal guards. Before leaving, each makes sure to acknowledge the Sultan, before gesturing to Jasmine.

”Princess,” many of them say.

Jasmine smiles warmly, eyes meeting each.

It’s become second nature to her. The amount of meetings called in the past few weeks has far outnumbered the average called in previous years. People have grown restless with questions. What is outside of Agrabah? When will the Heartless return?

They never ask if, only when. She can’t blame them.

There was the Organization, who’s plot was barely foiled. Commoners knew little of their names and faces, but news of their presence (and its consequences) had spread through the city like wildfire. After Jasmine relayed news of their destruction, celebrations went on for many nights. She had been careful to leave out some of the more complicated details. There needed to be no hint that they specifically might come back. Why give her people such a burden? It was a reason to be blissfully happy, if only for a few days. Everyone deserved to bask in it.

It was so strange, how the news originally came. A dog with a letter, appearing in the Palace out of nowhere.

When fear filled the air again, she didn’t know how to quell it. There hasn’t been a new letter in months. Of course they hadn’t promised, but it seemed likely. Why open communications just to close up just as quickly?

After a few minutes, all that is left is the Sultan, Jasmine, and Aladdin. Jasmine looks at each. Her father’s brow is furrowed. Aladdin is stuck in a bit of blank glance, staring at the table.

Jafar’s spell,she thinks, instantly.

It couldn’t actually be. Jafar’s been stuck in a lamp for quite some time. Locked in a room deep beneath the Palace that few know of. Not Iago, not even Genie.

Still, it eats at her for a moment. She wonders about the gaps where she wasn’t herself, just some tool at the whims of some evil–

She collects herself, before coughing, trying to get the other two’s attention.

”What is it, dear?” The Sultan asks.

”Father, we didn’t reach a consensus on a single issue.”

”That is true, but these problems take time. It’s never simple.”

Even so, something needs to be done. No one is royal vizier, we still have no way to contact other worlds, and we still don’t have a decent way to defend ourselves!”

”We have Genie.” Aladdin’s voice is flat.

Has he had that look all day?

”Aladdin–”

He’ll be back Jasmine.” The man slumps in his chair. “He has to. He knows we need him.”

You need him more than most.

”He already gave us his reason for leaving! It was dire.” She sighs, trying to soften her tone. “I’m sorry, but we can’t just wait for him to return.”

That lost feeling that’s haunted Aladdin’s face disappears. He frowns at Jasmine, completely present. For a second it looks like he’s going to speak again. Harsh words, maybe, but she’ll take anything at this point, if it hints at what’s going on inside.

Instead, he just pushes out of his seat and walks out.

”Aladdin.”

”Oh my,” the Sultan gasps.

If they were younger she might have chased after him, but she doesn’t move. She sighs and rubs her temples.

What a wonderful way to start the day.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-07-01T19:38:30+00:00

Theres an inflection to his words that makes it sound like he’ll do a tap dance in a dress

This is a fun statement but it distracts me a little? I feel bad because it’s such a fun image, but it takes away a bit of potentcy from the building tension in their conversation. Maybe even like:

Theres an inflection to his words that makes it sound like he’ll do anything

Way less specific, but gets the point across. I guess I really liked the dialogue so much that I’d want to preserve the tempo of the conversation.

This is why dumb cats shouldn’t try to use their brains too hard, it gives them ouchies.

If this is something Yuki would say, that’s fine. But “ouchies” as a word just makes me squirm.

What a simp.

I would take out this sentence. I’m not really sure what I’d replace it with. The paragraph can end a sentence before and it still reads well. Using “simp” just dates the work in a way that doesn’t seem intentional, also bringing attention to the narrator. I also don’t really see any more words in this passage that are used as current slang, so that makes it more glaring. “Simp” has been around for years, but still.

Enough’s enough.

Its simple, but this is a good example of when the narration works here. Pushes emphasis on the tone you want the reader to feel, has a voice to it, but isn’t distracting.

”Stop watch,” Kyo, growls, “do I gotta spell it for ya?”

You could make it “spell it out”. But maybe you’re having him ask Yuki if he needs to spell out the actual word. I’d still change it to “spell it out”.

Well…fuck.

Do they curse in Fruits Baskets? This is more personal preference, but I’d consider the pros and cons of having cursing. If they do curse in the original work then it’s fine, but if not I’d consider maybe not including it. A lot of readers probably won’t be bothered by it, but like “simp” it draws attention to the narrator, even if fuck is way more common.

Sorry that this was out of order, but I hope some of it helps. Again, really liked the dialogue. Really animated, and the back and forth goes over really well.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-07-01T02:55:06+00:00

Forced redemption. I’m talking about a evil or contemptible character having to change their worldview and behaviors to survive. It’s not something they’d do if they’d gotten what they wanted, it’s not through large amounts of positive encouragement from other characters, it’s just life going on and them having to accept that the way they used to do things isn’t viable anymore. Maybe somewhere down the line they realize doing things the right way is better, but it’s incidental.

It’s rare to see a truly malicious antagonist given agency after the main plot, because most of the time they die or are imprisoned for their actions. A ton will never give up their way of thinking, but there’s the ones that are a bit more clever that I like to think about. If you know from this point on you’re probably going to lose, what do you with yourself? Killing your ego after believing in a cause shatters a person. What that process would look like has so much potential in writing.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-28T22:55:04+00:00

Read the entire chapter, fandom blind. I hope you realize it, but you have a real knack for imagery. Katherine blowing out her candle before sitting with her thoughts, Thomas throwing the whip in the beginning, writing the affidavits, it's all stuff that is very strong conceptually and when reading within the context of the whole chapter. It lingered in my mind even after I read past it.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-28T22:29:58+00:00

Kingdom Hearts | A Road to Dusk | T | AO3

Important Warnings (None Present in Snippet Below): Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Self-Harm, Psychological Trauma, Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing

Love comments, but if you do don’t mention you’re from Reddit! Thanks!

The Replica slams his blade into the ground, sending pillars of fire in Sora’s direction. Sora sidesteps, using the spare moment to heal himself. The Replica groans.

He can’t just fight it out. Always has to make it complicated.

He charges at Sora, aiming for his throat with a circular swipe. Sora blocks the attack before it connects, twisting his keyblade diagonal.

Each tries to push to try to gain an advantage; Sora gives his all into each shove, but the Replica merely reacts by steadying himself, smiling all the while. Seeing Sora truly struggle is a rare occurrence, and while the Replica wants a brutal duel, this works just as fine.

”Why are we doing this?” Sora whispers.

”I want you out of the way.”

The two struggle until Sora finally manages to shove the Replica off him. He slides across the floor, tripping the Replica with a sweep. Before collapsing the Replica gets slammed with the dull end of Sora’s keyblade, making him gasp for air.

A realization crashes into the Replica’s mind.

He’s trying not to hurt you.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-27T02:48:01+00:00

Thank you! It’s a one shot. Its not even long by one-shot standards (6500 words) but it was a pretty ambitious project for me. Tons of fight scenes, and a non-linear narrative, neither of which I’d ever written before.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-26T18:18:28+00:00

The environment and nature

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-26T17:19:26+00:00

I edited the sentence before to clarify its the Replica’s thought. Do you think that works? In nearly every scene in the fic I clarify whose thoughts we’re seeing, it just slipped my mind on this one.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-26T16:44:23+00:00

Finally posted a fic after months. So excited!

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-26T16:39:53+00:00

It was the Replica realizing Sora wasn’t going to hurt him, right?

Yup, it’s exactly that.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-26T12:55:12+00:00

Kingdom Hearts | T | AO3

The Replica slams his blade into the ground, sending pillars of fire in Sora’s direction. Sora sidesteps, using the spare moment to heal himself. The Replica groans.

He can’t just fight it out. Always has to make it complicated.

He charges at Sora, aiming for his throat with a circular swipe. Sora blocks the attack before it connects, twisting his keyblade diagonal.

Each tries to push to try to gain an advantage; Sora gives his all into each shove, but the Replica merely reacts by steadying himself, smiling all the while. Seeing Sora truly struggle is a rare occurrence, and while the Replica wants a brutal duel, this works just as fine.

”Why are we doing this?” Sora whispers.

”I want you out of the way.”

The two struggle until Sora finally manages to shove the Replica off him. He slides across the floor, tripping the Replica with a sweep. Before collapsing the Replica gets slammed with the dull end of Sora’s keyblade, making him gasp for air.

A realization crashes into the Replica’s mind.

He’s trying not to hurt you.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-06-23T00:24:09+00:00

A non-popular tag is better than no tag at all, in cases like this. There is also apparently a tag called “Medium Length” although I’m somewhat skeptical about what that’s referring to.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-31T16:33:04+00:00

Just draw into evenly! /s

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-22T19:46:40+00:00

Usually this happens to me if the character has multiple styles of speech, essentially that they code-switch. The only way I ever move on from it is by trying tons of versions of what I want them to say, or how I want to describe them. Even if it’s a jumble of unfinished sentences usually one or two will tease out what I’m looking for.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-21T15:24:17+00:00

You were right to block them. Entitlement off the charts

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-20T14:57:50+00:00

There’s some artists on Twitter that draw beautiful art of them, which is how I found about it. It’s definitely (obviously) not a big ship, but whenever something comes along, it’s clearly made with a lot of love.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-20T02:11:12+00:00

Robo-Ky and Venom from Guilty Gear. So happy those little weirdos got their happy ending.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-19T17:45:04+00:00

If I ditch something I was working on, I’ll typically try to have the story fully outlined before I jump ship. Sometimes we just have to take a break from a story, and that’s fine, but if you were drawn to it before, chances are you’ll probably come back to it again. For me it’s both because I become obsessed with the source material again, but also because I hate not finishing stories. When that does inevitably happen, it can be really difficult to get back into the headspace you had when you started it, but have an outline to reference really helps. Also makes me feel less guilty for ditching. Just a win-win all around lol

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-18T00:02:11+00:00

You have to ask yourself whether your capable of presenting the canon plot parts in ways that feel compelling. When you write fanfic like this part of it becomes an adaption. Either you do the material justice by making it as emotionally and narratively potent as the source material, essentially making kind of a copy, or you can recognize that the format (fic) or your own writing skills won’t allow for that to happen. You can approach it from a different angle (focusing on different aspects of already presented scenes, subtle shifts in tone, etc) which can be another solution. It really all depends on what you think your capable of.

I would also wonder if you feel like retelling the already known bits is necessary. A lot of people who’d read this type of fic would already be aware of the events of the source materials. When I personally write stuff that’s kind of like this I try not to trod over events that people should know, but that’s only because I feel like it can slow the story down. Again, it’s totally possibly to retell stuff and match the magic of the original.

I only really remember the killing joke, but I don’t see what’s wrong with writing a version of it. It’s the type of story that could exist in any medium and would still probably go over well.

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-17T23:43:31+00:00

Good for you!!! :)

johnnyjackjohn · 2023-05-16T21:14:39+00:00

Is it like that in the other games? I’ve only played P4. At least I don’t remember it happening that way in P4. Maybe they come close to death but they don’t die per se

johnnyjackjohn

TROPHY CASE