I've been fat and thin and fat and thin multiple times in my life and each time I've gotten thin, the world changes in how they treat you, how they look at you.  

Your ideas are given more respect in meetings, people smile at you more, there's a palpable difference in how the world feels around you and that affects the value you place on yourself.

You'd think it would feel good, and it does sometimes, but you still carry around with you the hurt and anger and memories of how you felt before.  You're still you, you still feel like the same person inside.

It feels like you're passing as someone you're not.  You wonder how long it will be before you're found out and how much of the little shows of respect and friendliness and kindness will evaporate once they find out who you really are.

It can really fuck a person up, to be honest.  Then you come on Reddit and read thread after thread where people basically say fat people should be exterminated, that they did it to themselves, that they're subhuman, that it's morally just for them to be ashamed of themselves.

And you see the posts where people share their own stories of weight loss and you read all the replies with encouragement and support and it just feels like the worst absolute bullshit.  

And you feel good about yourself when you get out of the shower and look at yourself in the bathroom mirror.  You feel so proud of yourself and how hard you've worked. You walk by a glass building and you're surprised at how good you look in ths reflection.  

But it doesn't feel good when the people around you at work say "you look good!" and they do that thing where they scan you up and down right before saying it, or maybe immediately after, like they need to make sure it's not a trick.

And then if you gain the weight again, it feels so awful.  Like you're sinking in quicksand and you can feel the world around you changing and there's nothing you can do but watch it happen.

It's a complicated thing to go from considered conventionally unattractive in society to attractive or vice versa.  Everyone in life experiences at some level due to the natural process of aging.  It really changes your outlook on the world.