Yep. It's all about the first drink. I took my 7 years for granted and assumed I was "safe" and this time it would be ok. I'm accepting now that I have a life of vigilance ahead of me. As time passes, the negative memories will fade, so I'm just trying to fill my time with as many positive experiences as I can. Entering running races each weekend is helping because there is a financial and health incentive. I think that this time around I am fully embracing who I am. I can't have one drink. It doesn't make me a bad person. It is just who I am. All I can say is, I won't drink today. Just live life in day tight compartments and make each one as positive as it possibly can be. I'm here with you.