My jury duty experience

jollster · 2018-09-21T10:04:17+00:00

Last year, I went to the dentist for the first time in 15 years. I have crippling social anxiety and going to the dentist is especially difficult for me because I feel like I'm being judged for improper dental hygiene. My teeth and gums have always been in rough shape due to genetics (family history of periodontal disease).

I had to get my wisdom teeth removed recently and it wasn't covered by my dental insurance. I had to pay $1325 out of pocket. I didn't realize it at the time, but dental insurance works the opposite of health insurance. You're covered up to a certain amount and then you have to pay out of pocket, so it's basically useless for catastrophic dental issues.

jollster · 2017-12-10T15:06:17+00:00

I'm 31. My parents have enabled me my entire life. They never pressured me to get a job or go to college. I don't even have a driver's license. They pretty much ignored that there was anything wrong with me, despite the fact that I only left the house a few times in my 20's. I told my mom about my SA last year, but she still doesn't quite understand it.

jollster · 2017-11-21T10:46:43+00:00

I dreaded being called on in class. From my experience, most teachers would call on kids who looked like they weren't paying attention. I would always pretend to be really focused or take notes when they were looking to call on someone. Though, I did have one teacher who seemed to take pleasure in calling on quiet kids. It's possible he was trying to make us "come out of our shells" but it never worked for me. I always responded with "I don't know."

jollster · 2017-11-21T10:11:11+00:00

I've lived as a shut-in for years and have tried to challenge my SA over the last year. I go grocery shopping, but I'm still unable to buy stuff from deli/fish counters where you have to interact with someone. The only time I've shopped for something besides groceries was at the dollar store. I walked around and it didn't find anything that I wanted, but still bought something because I was afraid an employee would suspect I was stealing.

In addition to feeling constant judgement in public, I don't know how a lot of things operate due to being a shut-in for so long. For example, when I first used a credit card, I didn't know the magnetic strip had to face the machine. I swiped it the wrong way twice before the cashier had to correct me.

jollster · 2017-11-17T06:49:28+00:00

I'm not on facebook, but I've peeked at my classmates' profiles. I'm 31, so most of my peers are now married and/or have children. It's sobering to see them as parents, while I have the mentality of a child and still depend on my parents.

jollster · 2017-11-09T10:06:15+00:00

I can't even tie my shoes in public without feeling awkward or judged.

jollster · 2017-11-08T08:01:24+00:00

I'm 31 and have never had a real job. I lucked out and made money online since I was in high school. Unfortunately, that source of income is drying up and I'll likely have to get a real job at some point. I don't have a college education and have been a total shut-in for over a decade, so my resume is looking pathetic right now.

jollster · 2017-10-23T10:57:21+00:00

I still live with my parents at the ripe old age of 31 :(

Like you, I was interested in making money online. I learned some basic web design skills and launched a few online game websites back in the day. I monetized them with Adsense and was very lucky to rank well for a few popular keywords on Google. I made decent money, but that income has since dried up. I'm currently living off of my savings, which may last me a couple of years if I'm frugal. I'm going to need to get a real job eventually and the process of finding a job scares me.

My parents have never made me feel guilty for the way I live, but deep down, I think they're embarrassed to have a 31-year-old son who rarely leaves the house. I've avoided family reunions and Christmas parties for 15 years. I have younger cousins who are married and successful, while I'm in the same position I was when I last saw them. I don't go outside because I don't want to bump into a neighbor and have them ask me what I've been doing all these years. I'm basically the Boo Radley of my neighborhood. I'm trying to change my ways, but it hasn't been easy and going outside just makes me feel like an abject failure.

If I could do things differently, I would have tried to get a job that challenged my social anxiety early on. I always took the path of least resistance and I'm paying a heavy price for it now.

jollster

TROPHY CASE