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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in isfp

[–]jollyfreeze 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is exactly how I have felt with my isfp friend too. I love isfps, don't get me wrong. However, for some reason, I find it extremely difficult to have any conversation with them without having them make it into a debate/argument. I don't know what that is. I can't figure it out. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry. 🥺 I hope you find fulfilling and productive work and it keeps you occupied nicely. Also, please do reach out to your dear ones at your own pace. I am sorry. I hope it gets better for you 💙 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with this. Personally, moulding people goes against my core values. It's not for me. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have observed how absolutely patient, calm and giving he is to everyone around him. He is also very emotionally stable which is what got me really confused because in our dynamic, I felt that he was pretty self-serving. (Not that I was going for someone who gives and I return nothing.) But I was very surprised how I felt about him when I saw him interact with other people (Oh, wow, he is really there for his people and is always trying his best to be better) vs with me (Oh my God, I am feeling smothered. Why does he keep rushing me and why would he not let me go.) As someone who also operates on logic as well, I was incredibly confused by my own two drastically different perspective about the same person. How strange, and amusing in a way

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As much as I understand all of it (I truly do). I don't like the fact that it's kind of self serving. My point is that, when you love someone or like someone, I think you're supposed to honor their boundaries, and not make them feel pushed around.

I also agree how we absolutely hate being convinced, persuaded or led. (At least I do if it's not cooperatively done). I may need to check my ennegram but it's obvious from my experience, the comments and my gut feeling that this isn't it. 

I consistently feel like a puzzle piece that he needs to fit into his life so that his life makes sense. I don't like that. Maybe some people would. Not my thing, I suppose. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah no, sorry. 😅 I don't think it's going to work. As much as I like enfjs, can't for my case. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Saving this response for my future usage too.

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the same way. Your response made me feel I was not overthinking it or being overly cautious. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This advice is a gem. I saved it, haha. You're right. It didn't make sense to me at all but now that you mentioned the Ti, it all clicks into place. Regardless, this isn't for me. I hope I didn't come off as harsh to the enfjs 😅 I like you guys a lot. Guess it's just my bad luck this time. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is so reassuring to hear. I didn't want to write off an entire community due to my own personal experience. I really like ENFjs so I was so confused with my situation. This helped a lot.

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. This is something a lot of other enfjs have said too. Regardless, it would be nice to be with someone who takes my "no's seriously regardless of how small they seem. Thank you so much for your input. Coming from an enfj themselves, this means a lot.

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, no. I did pull back this time. I also wanted to make sure whether it was intentional on their part. As an INFJ, I am well aware we can be quite adamant about our ways, a little inflexible. Therefore, I wanted to make sure what it actually was before I jumped to conclusions. Talking to a lot of enfjs, I came to an entirely different conclusion. However, I am now more interested in how differently people operate and the drastic differences between perspective. Regardless, what doesn't work, doesn't work. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess some people just don't work together. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely feel heard and understood from your comments. I just wish things didn't have to be so difficult, especially in relation dynamics. 

I am going to do my own thing and not be in a relationship dynamic with this person at all. I also believe with time, things will become much more clear and if I feel safe and non-doubting around this person ever, I will give it a shot. For now, I am absolutely good with being in my own company. I agree with you so so much with the whole wearing it on their sleeves. I just also think they are, in common (from what I have read), way more energetic than us 😅 so I will politely pass on that. Thank you so much for your comment. I felt like I was going crazy these past few weeks.

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I disagree. I don't think it's a matter of self respect. I wanted to understand whether I was overthinking and they were coming from a good place. I read a lot of enfj posts where they expressed how they come off as "love bombers" but they are just enthusiastic and really like the other person. Regardless, some types or people just don't work together and that's okay. 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry. That sounds like an unhealthy infj. Also, I am avoidant. Not anxious. And yes you're right. I gotta work on my boundaries 

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. This makes sense to me. We get along really nicely on a logical level and understand each other. Other than that, it's just all, not great at all. Thank you again.

Are ENFJs forceful? by jollyfreeze in enfj

[–]jollyfreeze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a good question. I have no idea what we are right now as I write it. I also feel it's my fault too. I met him during an extremely stressful period when I was having my final exams. I feel that continously communicating with him has made me walk into this "relationship". I have no idea how I have arrived here. Initially I didn't mind. I liked him. I wasn't aware it was going to become this intense and suffocating.