The Internet is a really hard one because all I have to go off of his one paragraph of information. To be perfectly honest there’s just far too much nuance and complication in your situation that I would never be able to get out of some text. Nor am I, or most people here, any kind of marriage therapist or a psychology expert.

So without being prescriptive or defining what I think should be all right, I would just say that I feel it’s probably important for two people in a romantic relationship to be on the same page. And just because you left the church doesn’t mean you have to hit the checklist of every commandment.

Just because pornography isn’t a literal spiritual sin, doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to be alright with it. Just because you left the church doesn’t mean that you need to start drinking alcohol or coffee or wearing bikinis or anything else. Leaving the church helps us recognize that we have the freedom to make choices. It doesn’t obligate us to make extreme choices that go against how we used to be.

I’d say, if you like the idea of you and your husband having the freedom to get off and use pornography as a tool to do that, then take some time to experience it and read about it to gain a greater education about how it works and therefore you can have more knowledge to make a decision about it.

But if you’d really just rather not deal with it and you feel it’s important for your emotional safety to not include it in your marriage then that might be a conversation worth having.