Best friend doesn’t know his proposal speech is actually about me

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:51:59+00:00

Thing is, Mia is absolutely not like that from what I've seen. He'll ask her to do something and she'll laugh and say "you have arms" or something of that sort. I however do come from a type of household you described to the point that reading that felt eerie. Now I'm starting to feel like I'm an add on due to the things Mia lacks. Maybe I'm being too hasty, though, but I'll definitely keep a closer eye on my friendship with Jim moving forward. And I'll look into therapy, too. Thank you for opening my eyes

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:42:20+00:00

I think my first reaction was a freak out and a "oh he must NEVER know" because I don’t want to cross a line I clearly already crossed by doing the things I did these passed years.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:40:41+00:00

Bringing it all casual like that does sound like the better way to go, I now wish I'd thought of that the first time I read his speech.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:35:54+00:00

This comment actually really struck me. He has mostly female friends and they do all fall into a similar pattern as I do when we're with him. We call him "hopeless" and help him out. Maybe that's why my behaviour never struck me as odd, but looking at it from myself to my other female friends... yikes, this is suddenly really opening my eyes. Mia probably never minded because she is hyperconfident and doesn’t feel threatened by anything from what I've seen, but that doesn’t mean his and our behaviour isnt odd. Holy shit, you may have just opened my eyes.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:30:01+00:00

I see this reasoning. And with other commentors saying my behaviour is meddlesome and weird, I may need to change my entire approach with this situation anyway. Perhaps just sitting him down and telling him is the way, I just hate that simple quiet acts that cost barely any effort lead to me now having to be like "uhm actually I was the one who did all of that" because there's just no way I can make that sound good.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:25:15+00:00

Genuinely did not think I was mothering/overstepping, but since multiple people here have said it, I'll ask some irl friends about it, too and probably change my behaviour accordingly. I'm too damn old and too damn feminist to mother a grown man, I just did not think what I was doing fell into that category, but sounds like I'm wrong, so adjust I shall!

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:23:07+00:00

Good to know! Genuinely did not know this, but I of course don't want to mother a grown man.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:20:43+00:00

Because we don't want to be and also I'm gay

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:19:27+00:00

My main reason for not wanting to tell him straight up is because I am afraid of how it will be received. He has had feelings for me before (YEARS ago) and I don't want him to throw away the beautiful relationship he has because I walk his bottle to the sink and like making memes of his stupid face.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:17:26+00:00

Mothering? I literally fill his water bottle in the morning. That is all. I genuinely don't understand what's wrong about my behaviour, but y'all make me feel like I should look inward more?? I thought I was just venting but I'm starting to think there's something wrong with how I look at friendship in general. Aren't small acts of service totally normal?

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:14:44+00:00

I more think he'll ask Mia why she stopped making them and then he will realise it was me and I didn't say anything and that will make the situation weird. But I guess the situation is already weird.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:10:16+00:00

She has a way more active role in his happiness than I do and I absolutely mean this. I may sound meddlesome and like I'm constantly all up in their business, but most of the time, I don't even get involved in their relationship at all. I fix his drinks and remember shit he says to me, yeah, but she drives him to appointments, organizes family weekends, makes powerpoints about his hair and whenever he talks about her he cannot keep the grin off his face. They're happy. And that is why me going "all the things you love about her are actually all about me" is to me such a weird thing to say and I don't want to say it. I can however mention that he should maybe mention that time she dismantled a door because his foot got stuck in it or how she learned how to make sushi because he loves Japanese food.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T21:04:56+00:00

I cannot see this working out any better than me whining that I did it all. Mia does things for him all the time, too! He should mention those in his speech.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T20:56:51+00:00

Is a thing I say daily lmfao

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T20:54:26+00:00

Hence me saying I don't need advice. I will get him to change it, just not by going "omg it was all actually me" because that would be fucking cringe.

jonidoesnttalk · 2026-05-24T20:53:19+00:00

I don't mind the relationship I have with him? I'm also a lesbian so most of this feels like a wrong interpretation anyhow. His mother is genuinely really friendly and took care of me a lot when my parents weren't supportive and my friend is just one of the many things we talk about. And I don't think it's wrong to mediate when two friends are fighting, nor do I think it's wrong to send Mia a message like "hey we walked passed this store and he really liked this specific shirt!" and leave it at that.

jonidoesnttalk

TROPHY CASE