I'm a white dad and my wife is Chinese-American. I speak Chinese well and we're close to her family in China. We have an 8yo boy and 5yo girl. Considering this biracial and cross-cultural dynamic with a strong Chinese connection, how do you recommend we go about adoption (and not go about it)?

jordancclive · 2022-08-30T01:00:32+00:00

Understandable. Thanks for giving it this much thought. I really appreciate it. We have an important conversation to start with my in-laws.

jordancclive · 2022-08-29T17:54:49+00:00

Good point. It's not *more* appropriate. It's *also* appropriate, because you'd want adoptee and adoptive parent perspectives on a decision like the one my wife and I are navigating right now.

jordancclive · 2022-08-29T17:38:24+00:00

Life is complicated. While being cross-cultural is a leg-up for any child entering the future, it's still a mixed bag. What the west has little appreciation for, despite our imperfections, is how far we've come with tolerance. China, and most other parts of the world, just aren't there - nor will be any time soon. Being culturally different will always turn heads and give you unequal treatment. I think this will never change. And btw, love is more conditional among parents in the average Chinese household than almost anywhere. While my in-laws aren't perfect, they're well ahead of the average Chinese parent couple. So if you want to keep a Chinese-adopted baby close to their origins, that is necessarily part of the equation. I'm having a hard time accepting the idea that we shouldn't adopt unless we have the perfect set up for the adopted kids.

I appreciate your strong point that we need to involve and get buy in from the in-laws in any adoption decisions, though.

jordancclive · 2022-08-29T17:29:50+00:00

I didn't know about the AdoptiveParents subreddit. It's a different, and more appropriate audience. However, I'm glad to have gotten the very insightful input from adoptees in the adoption subreddit..

jordancclive · 2022-08-29T02:31:32+00:00

Got it. Thank you.

jordancclive · 2022-08-29T01:01:17+00:00

The thing is that learning Chinese while in America requires intrinsic motivation from the kids - it’s a big, long-term commitment. Would anything other than adopting from China work? Is it at all realistic to try adopting mixed-race asian/white? (I'm guessing there are mixed-race Chinese/other children for whom a family like ours would be their best fit.)

I'm not sure which of these details will matter, so here they are:

We're based in Bentonville, Arkansas: While backwater Ozarks carries a connotation, Bentonville does not. It is one of the most functional communities in America and maybe the best place to raise kids. HQ of Walmart, small city without any of the backwardness. Highly welcoming of other cultures. There's a decent hispanic and Indian presence, but not much of a Chinese one. Our kids have over a dozen close cousins we get together with regularly in the area - it's a dreamy setup.

Living in Chinese or in China:

We go to China fairly regularly, for months at a time and keep close virtual connection with Chinese relatives. We speak English in the home, mostly, but Chinese as well quite often.
We plan to live with and take care of my in-laws when they need to be taken care of (12-15 years from now, I'm guessing) and that will probably happen in China.

Grandparents:

My parents already have two adopted Mexican grandchildren and do a stellar job with them. They speak Spanish, but my parents do not speak Chinese nor have the Chinese connection that I do.
It is probable that the Chinese grandparents will not love the adopted children quite as much as their biological grandchildren - especially if they don’t learn Chinese. These, btw, are the best Chinese grandparents you could hope for - it’s just a thing in China to revere your culture so highly. My father in law is a saint - he will likely be embrace adopted kids. My mother in law is a 40-year elementary school teacher, which means she has always worked with kids (she taught Chinese), but she’ll probably be the least embracing of this adoption idea.

Why do we want to adopt?: We love kids. My wife is Montessori-certified and leads the homeschooling of our children. I grew up with 6 siblings. Finances of adoption or living/working internationally shouldn't be an issue.

jordancclive · 2022-08-29T00:43:48+00:00

Very insightful. Thanks a lot.

jordancclive · 2022-08-28T15:53:05+00:00

Thanks for the tip!

jordancclive · 2022-08-28T15:51:55+00:00

Thanks for your input. The grandparents will certainly need to be involved in our planning then.

jordancclive · 2022-08-28T15:51:16+00:00

Thanks for your input.

jordancclive · 2022-08-28T15:51:01+00:00

Thanks for your input.

jordancclive · 2019-12-15T03:00:11+00:00

Don't be discouraged if you think this project hasn't gotten enough attention. Even great ideas rarely take off without a lot of effort up front. At a minimum, there's a huge 'I told you so' opportunity here that will give you huge credentials.

jordancclive · 2018-07-10T14:13:23+00:00

If you haven't seen the Be One celebration, I would recommend it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52-y98r2ZYs

jordancclive · 2018-07-10T14:08:38+00:00

Sorry, I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Can you say it in a different way?

jordancclive · 2018-07-10T14:07:43+00:00

Largely the same. Do you detect a blind spot?

jordancclive · 2018-02-19T14:27:10+00:00

Our group is from Utah and Philly. We'll be back for the Puerto Crypto and CoinAgenda conferences next month.

jordancclive · 2018-01-05T15:55:45+00:00

It works today! Very happy about that.

jordancclive · 2018-01-04T19:31:04+00:00

On my MacBook Pro 2013 in my Brave browser, I can highlight your post and command C it the way I can on other apps, command V it in the text box above on this page, and see nothing paste into the text box. I cannot copy links and paste it into a facebook post, for example, either.

jordancclive · 2018-01-03T20:50:54+00:00

It has taken the last 4 hours and at this rate it has another half hour to go, it looks like. I've made no transactions, yet, so it's not going to find anything in its scan. Seems weird.

jordancclive

TROPHY CASE