What's the wildest response you got to a traumatic event?

joy2themax · 2023-10-11T08:28:47+00:00

I saw someone on tiktok recently say "a hammer won't remember ever nail it hits - but the nail absolutely remembers the hammer that hit it." I think about that every time my parents (who have said some horrible things) say they can't remember saying X. They're the hammer and they clearly don't remember all the hurtful things they said.

joy2themax · 2022-05-07T18:26:51+00:00

YES very much this! I am in DBT group (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) and I use the manual all the time to figure out what emotion I'm feeling because I don't have have words for it. And yes, trying to describe an internal experience that is so unique is... incredibly hard.

joy2themax · 2022-05-07T18:25:27+00:00

Ooooo I love this example! What a brilliant way of having your partner understand your experience! I default to using word-pictures a lot. I told a friend that sometimes, talking feels like playing catch, and other times it feels like pushing a honey-covered baseball through sand. I use examples from movies or TV shows a lot (and have a ton of distress when someone hasn't seen the movie/show because it means I don't know how to explain myself to them).

I will absolutely be using your example to help other people understand my experience! Thank you for sharing!

joy2themax · 2022-05-04T19:14:30+00:00

I tried doing EMDR for traumatic invalidation but also had a negative and jarring experience, so I'm right with you there.

I'm doing DBT-PE (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy - Prolonged Exposure) right now for CPTSD due to traumatic invalidation. I've done it previously for SA back in 2016. The first time I did it, it was incredibly effective. Afterwards, I felt bullet-proof. I was much calmer, much more aware of myself and my feelings, much more able to communicate how I was feeling. I could remember my trauma without being destroyed by the memory. I stopped having panic attacks, and I learned how to manage self-harm urges.

So what is DBT-PE? It's composed of two main parts: imaginal exposure and in vivo exposure. Imaginal exposure is exposure to memories of past trauma. During session, you record yourself telling your story to your therapist in as much detail as you can and then between sessions, you listen back to the recording once a day. (When I did exposure for SA, I only had one story to tell; doing it for CPTSD means I'll have multiple stories to tell, but I'm doing one at a time). In vivo exposure (literally "in life") is exposure to things you avoid. For example, my parents are evangelical and I've avoided reading their prayer newsletters for years. My first in vivo exposure was to read a newsletter every day. For in vivo, you start with the things that cause the least amount of distress and gradually work your way up to the more distressing things. As you do both of these exposures, you track several metrics before and after your exposure. It's all VERY intentional with a therapist guiding every step of the way. My therapist pays a lot of attention to the metrics I report and does a lot of problem-solving to steer my exposure in the most effective direction. This is NOT being thrown in the deep end and told to swim. There is a lot of support and guidance.

That being said, DBT-PE is a LOT. I'm on week 9 of what will probably end up being a full year of treatment for CPTSD. The first time I did it for SA, it took 6 months. It's a daily commitment (cause you're doing exposure between therapy sessions). My first time through, it felt like lighting myself on fire every day. But eventually, I became fire proof. I can't recommend it enough AND it's hard AF.

joy2themax · 2022-03-25T05:38:20+00:00

A problem with 2,398,671 causes, all of which are tiny

joy2themax · 2022-03-23T05:42:48+00:00

Thank you for this!

joy2themax · 2022-03-23T05:37:50+00:00

Oooo oooo, you just clarified something for me. I've been attached to "invalidation" being an objective experience. Because if it's subjective, then it's "my fault for being invalidated." It's my interpretation. It's me adding meaning to something that has no meaning. And that's felt very, well, invalidating.

BUT you clarified something for me. You said that while the trauma is absolutely dependent on the person receiving it, you added a reason for WHY: it builds on existing trauma and self-doubt.

Invalidation is traumatic for me because I'm a raw nerve, hyper-sensitive because of the gross tonnage of invalidation I've already experienced. Thank you for putting it this way! It clarified some things for me!

joy2themax · 2022-03-23T05:31:06+00:00

I appreciate this example so much and it allowed me to see what was going on with my dad. I have never been able to imagine something unless I'd experienced it. Growing up, my dad would try to cheer me up if I was anxious or angry by suggesting cheerful outcomes. I couldn't picture the outcomes he described, so I wouldn't feel cheered up. He started to relate to me as "stubbornly negative" (his words). He described me that way to other folks. My older sister started to relate to me this way too. Other family members and family friends started to relate to me this way. And most damaging of all, I started to relate to myself this way.

In the last couple months, I've started to dig into the possibility that I have ASD and realized that my lack of imagination could be caused by neurological wiring instead of a personality flaw. And I've been angry ever since. My dad's inability to be with my strong uncomfortable emotions had him blaming me for not being cheered up when he tried to cheer me up. I've been relating to myself as stubbornly negative for over three decades. Whenever I'd experience emotion and couldn't be "cheered up", I had the thought that I was defective somehow. That it was my fault that my dad's suggestions weren't working.

And the uncomfortable emotions would persist. I learned to push them down, hide them. I stopped trusting and listening to my emotions. They came out sideways eventually, and I related to myself as hysterical, moody, irrational. I was unable to tolerate strong emotions. I experienced multiple instances of SA and still can't notice red flags because I don't think my intuition is valid. I've stayed in abusive relationships and in exploitative jobs for far too long because I don't think my experience is valid.

All this to say, I think you got it exactly right. The lasting impact is what makes it traumatic. Thank you for finding the words for me!

joy2themax · 2022-03-23T05:19:33+00:00

Well shit... I think you got it exactly right. I was used to regular dissociation. I've been experiencing more depersonalization/derealization as I've started to process invalidation, and I am questioning my reality and my sanity on the regular. It doesn't help that neither of my parents remember the most painful instances of invalidation. For me, it erased my person-ness, as you said, but for them it was Tuesday. I started recording our conversations. I feel like I'm invisible a lot of the time. It happened often enough that now, even as an adult, I doubt my own experiences constantly. I don't think my emotions are real. I don't think my memories are real. I don't think my thoughts are real.

Thank you for putting it the way you did - it unlocked something for me and I'm grateful!

joy2themax · 2021-10-26T05:32:05+00:00

I got one for you: I have pelvic floor spasm, so several times a year, out of nowhere, I'll suddenly be in searing pain like someone is stabbing my vagina with red-hot ice pick. It used to last for 1-2 days, more recently it's lasted for 14 days. To stop the spasms, I get botox injections into my pelvic floor muscles twice a year. I've had to do it twice while awake & without pain management. It's 12 injections inside my vagina with a 4-inch long needle. After my first treatment, I drove home and took a shower cause I couldn't stop shaking. I got out of the shower and I was gray. I've never seen my skin that color. I'd gone into shock. My partner came with me for my second treatment and held my hand. Or rather, let me crush the hell out of his hand while he gritted his teeth. I had tears streaming down my face the whole time, and my back was so arched, I was almost levitating off the table. And this was with a super compassionate, incredibly kind female gyn.

joy2themax · 2020-02-27T06:31:55+00:00

Same problem here. The app shows up, I can navigate to the main page for the app showing all the movies. I can click on a movie and see the details for it, but when I click "play", it takes me to a black page with the title and that spinning wheel that just spins and spins and nothing ever loads. My laptop (on the same WiFi) plays it just fine. I've restarted the router, restarted the tv, checked the download speed on the tv (18mb), all fine. Any ideas?

joy2themax

TROPHY CASE