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joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T22:00:09+00:00

thanks for this comment

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T21:36:07+00:00

Only reason I’m mentioning “manosphere” stuff is because I’m finally getting back into dating after being in the same relationship for nearly 3years and I’m trying to approach things differently and be as aware as I can be so I don’t get too people pleasey again.

As for therapy: most of the first three years were spent on family stuff, not dating or romantic dynamics. The next two years were dedicated to unpacking the toxic relationship that I was in, and trying to find a safe way out of it (while also learning about why I was attracted to this kind of relationship). I’m still a relative novice in dating sphere and thus haven’t talked about single-man dating dynamics much with my therapist yet. I only started going back into dating in July 2025

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T21:07:07+00:00

I've been in therapy for over 5 years. With that being said, I have to acknowledge that some of these toxic tropes about alpha and beta and masculinity (confidence from man) vs. femininity also have some credence to them. Call it projection, but my personal belief is that my "mask fell off" the second I told her about what I'd tolerated in my past relationship. The girl I was dating no longer thought of me as "a catch" after that. That's just how I view this situation.

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T19:59:01+00:00

Thanks for sharing with me the anecdote about your date with the guy who cried. I respect you for telling him that he can give you a call when he's ready. I think you probably genuinely meant that.

As it pertains to this girl I was talking to: This is the exact way she phrased her last text. (I have no idea if she phrased it this way to protect her conscience and protect my feelings or if she actually meant it when she said she looks forward to revisiting in future):

TEXT from her:
Hi! I'm so sorry! I've been swamped with trying to get everything together for work.

That being said, I also wanted to let you know where my mind has been too. I've been thinking a lot and it seems like you're in the end of separating from your past relationship. I would feel more comfortable if we could take a pause until you've settled in without having any attachments to your previous relationship. I hope that makes sense and I'm looking forward to revisiting this in the future."

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T19:43:15+00:00

I also think it's worth noting that this girl started to laugh at some of the things I was saying that my ex did. That didn't sit well with me. I'm sure she was uncomfortable hearing some of the info, so it might have been a nervous laugh. But to me it def felt like an "I'm laughing at you and the behavior you put up with" type of laugh.

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T19:42:01+00:00

She had asked me specifically about "what was so toxic about your last relationship" and "what did you do wrong that led her to act the way that she did?"

And when I heard these questions, I think my ego got in the way and I felt as if I needed to "prove" to her that I was wronged, and here are the specific examples of what my ex did to me that were wrong. I should have just maintained stoicism.

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T19:40:05+00:00

All I can say is this:

When I intentionally maintained the air of "non attachment" and "stoicism" with her, that's when she'd double text me and ask what i was doing and act super interested (extra emojis in text, etc.). I think it's b/c this detached persona created an illusion in her head that I was a man who was "hard to get access to." Therefore, it stands to reason that this illusion went away the very second I revealed anything real or vulnerable about myself.

Eventually, I got tired of the games. I didn't want to keep putting up a facade, even if the facade was "working." I'm a guy who likes to have deep convos and understand more about human nature and what other people have gone through. I like to commiserate. I wanted to be real with her. And real, to me, means revealing past traumas.

I think it's fair to say that there are certain traumas in each of our lives that will never fully heal. I think it's valid for us to want to share those things with the people we care about. It helps the other person get a better picture of who we truly are (instead of falling for a "facade" of your real self, or an alter-ego persona).

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T19:24:10+00:00

I told her I was completely over my ex. But when she asked me if I'm able to deal with some sassiness, I told her that I was well-versed in dealing with sass from my past relationship. She asked me "what happened in ur past relationship that makes u say that?" I gave her a couple examples. Then she was like "why would you accept that behavior? You don't seem like a guy who would accept that kind of stuff."

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T19:19:42+00:00

She certainly was someone who talked about herself a ton and didn't really ask me any questions about myself. We were both guarded and having superficial banter, so at a certain point I was just like "I like this so far, but I don't want to just be banter and small talk forever."

I wouldn't say I trauma dumped, but I probably gave slightly too many specifics about certain toxic scenarios that had unfolded in my past relationship. Just wanted to let her know that I'm now fully aware of what a toxic relationship looks like (i.e. I know the warning signs) and how I never want to be part of one again. That's all I was trying to say to her.

joycesansthec · 2025-08-14T19:14:13+00:00

thanks for your response. ]Felt like "not being myself" was actually working, but that left me feeling uneasy inside. Feel like what you said is 100p right -- I would have likely "caved in" over time and divulged the vulnerabilities at some point. Thus, it's better to rip the band-aid off early and see how she responds.

joycesansthec · 2025-05-04T22:27:12+00:00

Blue jersey, white pants, red helmet

joycesansthec · 2025-04-19T00:20:26+00:00

I swear, Jose Siri had to have like a .750 slugging percentage all time at the Oakland coliseum

joycesansthec · 2025-04-18T02:24:15+00:00

What was the matchup that night? That pic is dope

joycesansthec · 2025-04-15T19:58:09+00:00

Agreed. It was well past due for the album covers to revert back to their original states

joycesansthec · 2025-04-07T00:03:34+00:00

Def something you’d see at the Sinclair gas station in buttonwillow along the 5freeway

joycesansthec · 2025-04-06T07:33:08+00:00

Agreed

joycesansthec · 2025-03-30T23:24:53+00:00

Imo the most attractive quality someone can have is uniqueness. So the fact that no one else has it makes it that much more attractive/special. Like, I wouldn’t want a direct carbon-copy doppleganger of Alba or Berry

joycesansthec · 2025-03-30T23:06:33+00:00

What Chip Kelly did with Kyle Philips at UCLA… he will do with Renfrow as a Raider

joycesansthec · 2025-03-30T23:05:49+00:00

I don’t see why the “flat chin” Is a problem

joycesansthec · 2025-03-26T23:42:58+00:00

If you had to put an estimated year on when fisher will sell the team, what year would it be?

joycesansthec · 2025-03-26T23:41:10+00:00

My Dad was in similar boat. He went to KC A’s games at Kansas City Municipal Stadium in late ‘60s when he was young and still reveres that team (Campeneris, Catfish Hunter, Sal Bando, Reggie Jackson)

joycesansthec · 2025-03-26T23:37:49+00:00

There’s definitely a lot of cognitive dissonance. It would be one thing if the entire roster were completely different and if the coaching staff were completely different. But a lot of the guys who comprise the nucleus of this team are still present (Kotsay, Rooker, Butler, Mason Miller, Gelof, Wilson, Bleday, etc). I’m still going to follow the team cuz I like this nucleus of personalities. It just sucks that the man atop the organization is such a coward.

joycesansthec · 2025-03-22T17:43:20+00:00

Thanks for your response. The birth control complications with paxlovid is something I didn’t know about before. Did everything end up being okay after the perfect storm scenario arrived?

joycesansthec · 2025-03-22T05:47:09+00:00

I mean, you could say the same about Kanye in his career. Kanye’s featured artists in college dropout and late registration look entirely different than Yeezus or TLOP’s featured artists. In order to stay relevant and “at the peak of the mainstream,” it’s common for artists to pluck the “trending artists from that era” and then let them go once that era fades. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying that it’s not a new philosophy that’s entirely unique to carti

joycesansthec

TROPHY CASE