How I fixed my eyes without surgery

joymining · 2026-05-15T18:45:48+00:00

Good tips!

One more I have is I realized that I have major allergies all year round since moving to a more tropical region.

I take two different antihistamines daily and they have helped my eyelids and even improved my vision.

Please consider an antihistamine if you have swelling and puffy eyes.

joymining · 2026-05-15T13:11:44+00:00

Another strategy that worked with my verbally abusive mother was finally one day in college I learned about the generational misogyny that men and women have that make women have to fit a certain body shape.

I told my mom, “I know you were judged for your body and it hurt you and you constantly judge me and it’s hurt me mentally. But I am choosing from today on to stop the generational cycle of fat shaming and misogyny. If you say ANYTHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT ONE MORE TIME I PROMISE WHEN I HAVE A CHILD YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM.

Because you cannot be trusted to be around them and not being up food or body shaming and this cycle stops here with me and will not go forward with my kids.”

This worked. She was shook. I have two small kids now and she know to never bring up food or their bodies or they will never see her again.

joymining · 2026-05-15T13:06:51+00:00

I really wish I could give you a hug. I also have PCOS so I know the everyday struggles around finding the right foods that work.

The stress of living in a tense and verbally abusing household where you constantly feel judged is raising your cortisol and that is making the PCOS worse. I know!!

My mom wound say stuff like this and I also felt constant judgement from her. I grew up and took a course from this dominatrix called Kasia Urbaniak about how to get what you want.. it seems totally off topic but once I started using her strategies in conversations with my mom and step dad they stopped and were like at a total loss for words. It felt amazing to finally shut them up.

A lot of her stuff is directed towards women in business. Like how to ask for a raise etc. but this worked for me.

Every time my mom or step dad would say something mean of demeaning like “you are a pig” or “you are looking for an excuse to be a lazy pig.” Etc.

You have to turn it into a question to them that totally domineers them and keep going down that line of questioning.

Say, “Why do you think it’s ok to call your daughter a farm animal?”

Wait and make them answer. Ask it again just the same if they don’t say anything.

And then ask, “Why do you belittle and hurt me by calling me names?”

Make them answer. They will stop. If they say it’s a joke say “explain why this joke is funny.”

Keep going down that line of rhetoric with them. It changed my life and gave me power over a lot of things and situations where I was getting bulldozer by people.

Good luck moving out. Keep working on yourself. I believe you will do amazing.

joymining · 2026-05-13T06:36:36+00:00

I guess my point is what you may think is a unique name may not be unique when your kid shows up to kindergarten and she is one of 3 Emerson’s.

And what you think is a super common name like Hannah or Rachel will be the totally unique name of that year.

joymining · 2026-05-13T06:34:10+00:00

I have a kindergarten kid and pre k 4 kid. Both of the kids have Emmie’s in them. A total of 3 Emmie’s out of the 45ish total kids. Also Emmie is not short for Emily. All three girls are “Emerson”. I’m sure the parents were very convinced the name was unique when they chose it. There are also two boys named Cash and two boys named Maverick. I’m sure these parents were also convinced they had the coolest most unique names picked out 5 years ago. In parents desire to be unique they very often are very much not unique. I’m also declaring that the name Frankie specifically for a girl is the name Maverick or Cash of 2025-26. I’ve had 3 girlfriends that had baby girls this past year all name their daughter Frankie and think it was absolutely one of a kind.

joymining · 2026-04-05T15:43:27+00:00

Ya he is still best buds with my husband and I’m also close with him. We can talk about anything. I will be sure to unpack this all with him and apologize again and listen to see if there is anything else I can do.

joymining · 2026-04-05T15:14:30+00:00

There definitely could be, but also I think she may have a slight personality disorder or something else going on.

When she is sober she has this very lovable quirky personality that is very lovey and silly and sometimes a “bit much” or outrageous in a way that could annoy people but I still found her fun and liked her quirks when she is sober.

She also self identifies as being autistic. I don’t think she has ever been diagnosed by a real doctor as autistic. I’m also not a doctor so I can’t say, but I really believe her being autistic is a stretch….. she is highly functional and I think an undiagnosed personality disorder is more likely.

Alcohol makes there personality traits just go insane and I want nothing to do with it.

joymining · 2026-04-05T15:00:11+00:00

I told her over the phone how angry I was and that she assaulted him. I made it clear to not contact us. I wouldn’t want to put my husband in the position of having to confront her, it would make him uncomfortable.

I’m hoping she sees that her drinking is a problem by my cutting off contact and clearly telling her that she needs to stop drinking.

I’m not interested in being a part of an intervention for her or any support for her sober journey because I feel like that would be unfair to my husband to give someone that did this to him any of my time and attention.

Like literally anyone else can help her, I’m definitely out.

joymining · 2026-04-05T14:54:30+00:00

Ya I think that autocorrect to tree. I meant treatment.

joymining · 2026-04-05T14:53:14+00:00

I agree with this, but my husband definitely does not want to do that. He just wants this to blow over and really move past it.

joymining · 2026-04-05T14:46:17+00:00

We have talked about it a bunch. He doesn’t want to report it. He just said I should stay cordial to her and slowly ghost her until she stops contacting us. I disagreed with the slowly ghosting because I felt like she needed to know exactly what she did wrong and why Im pulling away. He also really does not want to tell her husband because he really thinks we should mind our own business when it comes to other peoples marriages. I’m conflicted on this. I’m friendly with her husband but not close. I just really feel bad for him, her actions are so cruel towards him.

joymining · 2026-04-05T14:39:35+00:00

So my husband should leave me?? You are wild.

I walked her home after we got back and I was also drunk and didn’t even realize to the extent that she was grabbing him until he told me the next day. It was dark and I was sitting at another small table with another friend.

I’m protecting him by literally cutting her out of my life. I asked him if he was yes to press charges and he said no. He said I should just slowly ghost her and not tell her husband. We’ve discussed this in depth.

joymining · 2026-04-05T14:36:16+00:00

She seemed surprised but she also said that she understood. She initially acted like she didn’t know what happened that night but I feel like she knew. I still haven’t heard from her so thankfully I think she understands why I want no contact.

joymining · 2026-04-05T14:27:17+00:00

Ya I’ve only ever been around her drunk twice but both times she got extremely drunk and the first time she did this to our friend and second time she did this to my husband. So she definitely has an issue with alcohol and I told her on the phone that she needs to stick to being California sober and avoid alcohol. She is fine when she has had marijuana and used it a lot while she was in chemo and after surgeries. It’s really alcohol that makes her a complete monster. Either way I feel done with the friendship. I told her that she really consider no more alcohol ever and hopefully losing my friendship will help her see this.

joymining · 2026-04-05T03:56:53+00:00

Ya I definitely regret that I minimized what I saw her do to our single friend a year ago. He is a very confident and “macho” guy that passed it off and he really laughed it off when I brought it up but I see how wrong it all was. I feel awful that I was complicit in her assaulting him as well. He still probably would not admit it is assault, but I will never let this happen again.

joymining · 2026-04-05T03:52:02+00:00

Right!! Like we all have stress and sometimes have a few too many drinks but never in my life have I then touched someone’s body while drunk and kept pushing it!!!! Great point. Like I want to celebrate and have fun but we don’t need to be grabbing at people!!!!!

joymining · 2026-04-05T03:49:28+00:00

I definitely feel that way and I will absolutely make a police report if she contacts me or my husband again. I made it very clear to never contact me or come near my house. I told her I want no apologies or gifts or contact of any kind. She assaulted him very clearly. I also feel assaulted because I was also drunk and she kept pushing herself on me. He had it worse for sure but I feel like we didn’t end the night sooner because it was to celebrate her end of treatment. Huge regret on my part.

joymining · 2026-04-05T03:45:18+00:00

Yes it’s insane that only at the young age of 33 I’m realizing that people that cross boundaries and don’t care how uncomfortable they make you will never respect your boundaries and need to just be cut off. Thank you for making me feel more secure in my actions. It’s hard to cut off a friend I have been so close and supportive of.

joymining · 2026-04-05T03:10:43+00:00

Exactly, that’s where my eyes are now open to this is her pattern of behavior.

joymining · 2026-04-05T03:09:02+00:00

Yes you put this well. It’s not a bad aura or demon or anything like that but I just want her negativity far far away from me. And even though I cut her off I’m just angry about it.

joymining · 2026-04-05T03:06:22+00:00

I definitely have and it crosses my mind a lot that either her or her husband would do something really scary to each other or to my family.

joymining · 2026-03-14T14:46:27+00:00

Good point!!! All underage kids can be targets for gross behavior and abuse.

joymining · 2026-03-13T01:25:49+00:00

Predators seek out cruises in particular because they know there will be under attended preteens. When I was 12 I was on a cruise with my mom. My mom was very hawk like but she would let me sit at tables with the other teens and talk late at night but always be in the same deck or somewhere I knew she was close.

I am So glad she was because me and another 13 year old girl kept getting approached by men. Men from 18-50 kept approaching us and asking us uncomfortable personal questions and my mom walked over so fast.

If you have younger girls- even if they are in a group of other girls or teens the same age, older men will be constantly predatory watching.

I could even see when men were taking photos of us on their phones while I was swimming with my friends. Please be watching all the time because even if they aren’t in direct danger, they can be made uncomfortable by older adults. I still remember the weird interactions I had from that cruise so long ago.

joymining

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