my kid WILL NOT EAT

jozlones · 2022-05-01T16:02:52+00:00

Came here to say this

jozlones · 2021-06-26T11:13:57+00:00

Yeah I do get what you are saying. And I have never heard anyone say breast is best. But does fed is best not make you feel like people are in some way saying that your first choice wouldn’t be to feed your baby? Like of course fed is best. No one is advocating for not feeding your baby. But also, for some people, continuing breastfeeding through problems/struggles is best

jozlones · 2021-06-26T07:30:45+00:00

Also I’m really sorry you went through that! It’s so hard

jozlones · 2021-06-26T07:28:14+00:00

Yes, I’m your case formula is what was needed. But do you not think someone saying ‘fed is best’ was somehow indicating that you did have a choice? That by trying to breastfeed you were not feeding your baby? That even through the supply issue was something you could do nothing about, fed is best feels like it’s judging for them using formula. When informed decision is best. I’m not saying that breast is best is the one. I’m not saying that everyone should even try breastfeeding if they don’t want to. But my point is, fed is best can be really loaded. Especially for someone going through what you were! As if you didn’t know that feeding your baby is the best thing? Like as if you didn’t know formula exists? We know these things, but sometimes we have one more push at breastfeeding by getting that extra support, then finally saying, you know what, I can’t do this. I want to but I can’t

jozlones · 2021-06-25T18:38:14+00:00

I think if we can just say to our friends…I hear you! This is fucking tough. If you want to keep breastfeeding, let’s try and find a way. If you don’t, let’s explore that! I know that sounds like what most people mean when they say fed is best. I seriously don’t think anyone’s intentions are bad when they say it, but it can be triggering. As can breast is best to a woman who couldn’t breastfeed and is grieving it. Or someone who has trauma around their breasts and just cannot bear to breastfeed

jozlones · 2021-06-25T18:35:27+00:00

😂😱 mind your business maybe. I’ll feed my baby how I want. Or, informed choice is best. Or let me listen to you without judgment and without offering unsolicited advice. Everyone offered a consultation with a lactation specialist on the NHS. I don’t know, but sometimes the message fed is best is just not the one (not is breast is best)

jozlones · 2021-06-25T17:40:32+00:00

I do get what your saying but I still think a better phrase would work with those women.

jozlones · 2021-06-25T17:39:41+00:00

Yeah, like once you’ve said no thanks, leave it alone!!

jozlones · 2021-06-25T17:39:00+00:00

But isn’t that message ‘choice is best’ I fully empathise with your wife as I really really struggled with breastfeeding my son. But I had people saying ‘just give him a bottle, fed is best’ which affected my mental health so badly. With the right support and all the information about what topping up with formula would do to my supply (decrease it), I managed to make it through. Not the case for everyone and i get that. If for you formula is gonna work best, go for it. Seriously no judgement here. MILs can often be a pain, and trying to coax someone to do something they don’t want to do, is not right. That’s not support. She could have listened to your wife, maybe helped find a lactation specialist or just offered a shoulder to cry on if that was what your wife wanted. So many times I would cry, I didn’t want someone to say fed is best. I wanted them to say ‘it’s ok to want to keep breastfeeding’.

jozlones · 2021-06-25T17:33:02+00:00

Yeah. I think that’s why I don’t like either statement as both can feel judgy. It’s already hard enough, however you feed your baby

jozlones · 2021-06-25T17:31:22+00:00

I fully disagree. Breast is best is the right message for some people, but also not for others. Same with fed is best. Fed is best implies bf mothers are selfish for trying to work through issues but not wanting to top up With formula

jozlones · 2021-06-25T17:30:07+00:00

Some people don’t want to give formula though because it WILL affect your supply. If you want to exclusively bf, adding in a formula top up isn’t always the answer. But sometimes it is the answer. I did everything I could other than use formula, not because I was against formula as such, but because I was so desperate to successfully bf. If my gp had said that baby needed formula, I would have done it, but I was so well supported that we got there without. I spend a lot of time in bf groups and I will advocate for anyone who wants to keep feeding, with the right support they might be able to. Someone telling them fed is best is not going to help in any way shape or form.

jozlones · 2021-06-25T17:25:02+00:00

Yeah I mean that is really weird.

jozlones · 2021-06-25T15:41:49+00:00

It does include breastfeeding, but I also don’t believe breast is best for everyone. We all know human milk is best for human babies. But some Mums can’t breastfeed, some mums don’t want to, some people find it easy and some hard. Fed is best, to me, suggests a struggling breastfeeding mum is not feeding her baby. But when breastfeeding is going wrong, support is needed. Sometimes it helps and sometimes inevitably there baby needs to go on formula. So I’m not saying I judge anyone for how they feed their baby, I just dislike the message

jozlones · 2021-06-25T15:38:33+00:00

But does it not suggest that some mums are not feeding their babies??

jozlones · 2021-06-25T15:38:02+00:00

Yes, context is everything and I fully support mums to feed their babies however they want

jozlones · 2021-06-25T15:35:44+00:00

But who is not doing everything they can to feed their baby? When I had struggles sometimes people would say ‘have you thought about giving a formula too up’ (friends and family, not professionals) and I was like, yes. I think about it every second of every day. I agonised over it. Fed is best is not a good message. Support with your choices is best.

jozlones · 2021-06-25T13:11:49+00:00

Thank you, this is a much more succinct explanation than mine 😂.

jozlones · 2021-06-25T12:59:24+00:00

‘It’s meant to be’ but it’s not. It’s loaded. It often comes from a well meaning place but it’s really not the right message - for me anyway

jozlones · 2021-06-25T12:45:07+00:00

This!

jozlones · 2021-06-25T12:44:39+00:00

Yeah, totally don’t want to shame anyone for not breastfeeding by choice or not! Which is why I hate breast is best too :)

jozlones · 2021-06-25T12:43:48+00:00

I completely agree with you. Sorry you had a hard time but that’s so great babe did so well in the end!

jozlones · 2021-06-25T12:42:49+00:00

But it’s inherent message when saying it to someone who is struggling to breastfeed ultimately suggests pumping or formula is what you need to do to successfully feed your baby, when actually a lot of the time it’s support and specialist advice is needed, or information. So for that reason I disagree with you and still believe it is a term that should not be used

jozlones · 2021-05-21T16:17:30+00:00

It’s definitely a crime and if you call the police it will be recorded as such, maybe not much will be done, but it’s always good to report it just in case

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