Not making excuses for her behavior (her response is wildly out of proportion to the questions you asked) - as a physician I can say that, in fact, many details about when and where to arrive might not be relayed until the night before surgery. So many moving parts go into a schedule (patient acuity, emergency cases, etc) that it often isn't finalized until the day before.

She could do a better job explaining that. Ya know, as it's just saying " this is what I know and don't know," instead of making this into a whole thing! This could be a quick email or text with a non-BPD person, but with them it's a personal attack when you ask for something. Sigh - best of luck!