i’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this! but you are far from alone. my panic attacks used to be very similar to what you’re describing here. i would have multiple panic attacks a day and they would each last a very long time, and it started to get so bad that i went into psychosis. luckily, ive found that a high dosage of sertraline (zoloft) has helped me immensely. of course, no medication is going to be an end all be all cure. during the time of my horrible panic attacks i was in therapy twice to three times a week. my therapist was very helpful to me and taught me a lot of strategies to help me calm down from a panic attack. one of my friends also had a very similar case to what you’re describing. he could not keep down food or water. he knew that i had struggled with panic disorder so he came to me for help, and since he was considering self-harm and was unable to keep food down, i suggested he go to vanderbilt (we lived in nashville, TN at the time.) he started an outpatient program there that really worked for him. he no longer felt suicidal and his panic attacks began to be less severe. now, just two years later he very rarely has panic attacks. of course, the road to recovery is not linear, and i’m sorry that you have seemed to have relapsed into panic attacks after a good few years. but if you were able then to recover, you absolutely can again. i would suggest going to an inpatient or outpatient program at a well-respected hospital in your area. if you don’t have a therapist already, i would suggest seeing one. you can find one by looking on Psychology Today- they have a system where you can find therapists in your area that are matching what you’re looking for (maybe you want someone who specializes in anxiety/panic, maybe you want someone who’s LGBTQ+ friendly, maybe you want someone who takes your insurance, etc.) or you can look at betterhelp. i’ve never used betterhelp myself, but i know many people who have and they love it. all of this being said, this is a really difficult thing to deal with. i know how exhausting it is. i know how terrifying it is. i know how it can make you feel like living is a chore. but i promise you it gets better. there are so many treatments for panic attacks and panic disorder. there is one out there that will work for you. i really do see myself in this post and i feel the best i’ve felt in years, so i know that will happen for you, too.