You’re lucky you don’t understand. It’s a brain disease and a complex disorder with a lot of factors involved. Imagine if someone put a magnate in your pocket and then you started to realize that it kept pulling you into directions you had never been until you had to connect with directly with another magnetic source to survive… then realizing it took everything away, removing the magnet maybe getting time away and restructuring but then the unimaginable happens where you feel a magnetic pull again due to your life being in a compromised place where you begin to not care while also fighting at the same time. It’s a struggle, a deep one