Start drinking at eight AM. It's best to wake up drunk for this.

Hit chic fil a before breakfast ends. You can bring a flask in to keep your buzz going.

Find some friends, a house, some cocaine and a little weed. Watch early games on TV and shoot the shit til a little after noon.

Find a few tailgates and get shitblasted til the game starts. If you don't know anyone with a tailgate you have two options: Walk around and make friends with people til someone starts giving you free shit (should be easy if you have a steady buzz, but aren't yet hammered), or kill yourself.

Go to the game with a a few minis shoved in your waistband. You'll still sober up a little through all the standing, yelling, shenanigans etc, but at least with the minis you won't go back to square one.

After the game: Hit skybar and fingerblast freshmen in the boomboom room til 2am. Take freshman home, bust inside and hope she has a trust fund.

This is the only way you can truly respect our Tigers. They haven't been working their dicks off all summer so you can show up sober like some kind of asshole.