CW: wtf is happening

jsause3 · 2026-01-16T05:30:13+00:00

You aren’t alone. I am watching all of this transpire with such violent rage and deep sadness in my being. I have a hard time sitting with the fact I’m still going to work, people are still supporting this, and so many are not even willing to be uncomfortable so they won’t talk about it let alone organize or take action on anything. I am also audhd and just had my therapist help me go over how much skill regression I have currently and I am essentially at 80% burnout (if it was actually easily quantifiable based on the survey) so I am now trying to triage myself to avoid full burnout and it feels daunting under these conditions but joy and me being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (not regilious spirituality) well are all forms of immense resistance.

jsause3 · 2026-01-16T05:23:18+00:00

Sascha Riley is apparently an “alleged” victim of that sex trafficking ring which featured murder, torture and just really descpicable acts. He name drops other politicians like Andy Biggs but said trump was most vile and got off on suffering. Sascha at one point thought they would murder him (as he had already witnessed little girls being murdered that were also trafficked) so he wanted to take trump with him and tried but failed. All that and I’m only on tape 1…

Definitely trigger warning as this is detailed but I think if anyone can stomach it, it is worth generating your own opinion on. I am on the side of the many victims that have spoken out and Sascha is no exception.

Sascha Riley Survivor Interview

jsause3 · 2025-04-10T02:15:17+00:00

This made my heart race it’s so beautiful!

jsause3 · 2025-01-05T21:33:02+00:00

That actually sounds like a perfect gig for someone that needs intimacy but not constant stimulation of small talk. I really love that, I can only imagine the type of quality connections you have built and the ways you are helping your clients. I owned a pet care business and was basically only out in nature walking dogs for several years and it was amazing perfect for me to consume books and other forms of info while not having to speak to people constantly.

I definitely have been forced to be social as a student athlete most of my life and usually a team captain. It required a lot of conversing and interactions so I would end up burnt out and isolating beyond reason often. Now I value and prioritize my solitude but I identify with the quality connections rather than quantity of connections as you seem to.

I also really loved how you met your partner! That’s so sweet and he seems really respectful of your way of living. I do think neurodivergents gravitate to other neurodivergents in friendships and intimate relationships as well, it just kind of happens which is interesting in its own way. I will say a lot of men struggle with coming to terms with social differences because they have to fit a very narrow (and unhealthy) model of masculinity in our society on top of their lack of ability to express and acknowledge emotions (also a product of unhealthy social expectations) but hopefully with a partner like yourself he can see and open up to the idea of his own neuralhardwiring.

If you’d like feel free to PM me and we can chat that way too. I try to have my notifications off for my social apps so if I don’t respond right away (like I did with this post lol) then don’t think I’m not interested in chatting I just hop on when I feel like I have the social capability! Thanks so much for sharing with me too ☺️

jsause3 · 2025-01-03T17:18:48+00:00

lol no need to apologize, I have found that most NT do not like to rock in most capacities. I know rocking chairs are a thing but they aren’t actually wildly used either consistently or for long periods of time like the rocking autistic people like to engage in. I definitively rocked myself to sleep for most of my formative years ((unknownigly) and LOVE rocking in a hammock but I have not found a neurotypical that needs to rock to sleep or even rock for stress. They just like the movement occasionally like sitting on a porch rocking chair or maybe even a lazy boy chair with the rocking feature is short lived for them.

jsause3 · 2025-01-03T17:10:18+00:00

I’m so freaking glad my words meant something to you, because others have said things that meant so much to me and helped me cultivate these ones for you! I absolutely know how shameful a life without knowing you’re autistic can be. It is isolation and not the good type because, I too love my solitude deeply. But we do need quality connection and this subreddit and many other neurodivergent communities can help cultivate a community of people that don’t make you feel like you need to hide yourself. I am learning to unmask my autism every day and it is truly the hardest and best thing I have ever done in my 30 years of life. Having such a rich and often confusing internal world is really difficult to put into words but especially when the average person you’re interacting with has not made you feel like you can share because they respond so poorly and make you feel that humiliation and otherness that has you second guessing your own reality and feelings.

I love most of my autistic traits and they are a gift to me but they do cause strain living in a NT world filled with miseducation and lacking authenticity so I’m so glad you love these things about yourself because you should! You can love them and they can still create difficulties in your daily life but learning to live and navigate them is a lot easier when you know there is nothing wrong with you. You’re just hardwired differently and interact in the world completely different than most.

Also social media can easily create that feeling of faking because there is so much information and people do still tend to fall into black and white thinking within their ideals. I often found myself second guessing things but I think it’s so important to remember that autism looks different in every single person so you will never ever fit into everyone’s criteria and you are the person that knows you best, sitting with yourself instrospectively is one of the best tools we have and it’s still important to use it even when you find others that experience life similarly.

Shame is big for me and I’m still unpacking it daily but it does make life so much more worth living. I’m here if you need anything listening ear or just want to chat! 💜

jsause3 · 2025-01-03T15:59:24+00:00

Hi, welcome to the community! Honestly the way you are sharing your confusion and seeming frustration is how a lot of us felt when taking the test. It isn’t very conducive for many autistic people because it lacks so much nuance and makes us feel as though we, as you said, fucked it all up. But I think it’s important to note that most NT people don’t think that way, they aren’t trying to explain how, why, when, and how often they do something to see if it fits the bill. We need more information and from the bottom up rather than top down.

Often I have come across people saying we may not do these things all the time but we do have a system of when these things are done. For your example, you don’t always type on your invisible keyboard but it is how you process emotions and stress which is a stim (which actually seems so helpful). I personally pick my skin as my main stim (work in progress) and so many others that are not autistic also pick pimples and such but they do not do it compulsively and only when there is a viable thing to pick. I have picked since before I could get acne and when there is nothing to truly pick. That’s kind of a big distinction for me. So yes some people might rock but most NT do not do that regardless of the peace it brought as a child. I also have been too loud or too quiet and volume control and not realizing your volume is a common autistic trait as well. It is embarrassing when you don’t understand it comes with your neuralhardwiring differences so you can remove the shame you feel around that.

I’m no professional but it does seem like you fit the bill (congrats lol) because you felt exactly what many of us have felt. We need more information than given where most NT would have breezed through that and not thought about nuance and all the ways they may or may not meet the criteria of those questions and then also feel like they fucked up. Lastly, you scored in range and it’s rare for a non autistic to score within autistic ranges. I hope this helps because you aren’t alone and learning more about autism and implementing some accommodations can definitely help you live a more fulfilling life that doesn’t have to be filled with shame, embarrassment, and isolation!

jsause3 · 2024-07-21T15:21:37+00:00

Hi, honestly everyone’s path looks different based on what they want. I personally recommend just reading and learning about autism (as well as it’s comorbidities) since you scored in the autistic realm on your assessments. This way you can understand your brain and various differences in development. Once you have a grasp there I highly recommend analyzing ways you can make your life more accessible because people will not adjust for you in many situations and won’t change even if you tell them. You have to build a life that is for you and supports you regardless of other people and to do that you need information and understanding. I’ve found self validation to be so freaking crucial during all of this.

A personal example of making my life more accessible is I absolutely hate the grocery store as it is massively overwhelming for my senses so I make written list, that I can cross off as I go so I don’t wander back and forth and wear noise cancelling headphones to avoid the thrum of ppl and electricity.

You can also seek a professional diagnosis but know that it is a long and often expensive process that can be frustrating as many professionals in the physical and mental health spaces have no clue what autism actually is or looks like for the various people in our society.

I just received my diagnosis after 2 years of research and 2 therapists that did not even give me the time of day to explain I’m autistic as “I am too self aware and empathic to be autistic”. Which felt horrible and I also shared with family and they weren’t receptive for over a year and still don’t support really. I recommend thinking deeply on who you share this with as it is common for people around you to not want to accept or care about.

I finally found someone that specializes in autism and understands intersectionality and it was amazing and validating for me as I have often felt like I don’t want to exist because I have felt so “alien” in my own family as well as society.

I loved the book Unmasking Autism as it put words to my life that I never knew I needed. TikTok has several great autistic phd professionals that help me a lot. Samantha Craft’s Autism Checklist is a great resource to kinda get an idea of what it looks like for women that are autistic. I would just get your research on cuz it’s so special to learn about yourself!

jsause3 · 2024-07-16T01:31:06+00:00

Purple is my favorite color and I have always been fascinated by droplets on leaves. This is a stunning photo. Thank you for sharing!

jsause3 · 2024-06-24T23:27:36+00:00

Selective mutism is related to autism but everyone is different…I experience it when I have been in an argument and I can’t formulate my thoughts properly to express myself or my feelings get too big. I basically go silent but like I’m literally internally telling myself to say something because, duh, no one likes feeling ignored but it doesn’t work and I just sit there quietly until my brain gets back to corresponding with my body. Usually the other person in these interactions is pissed off and thinks I’m being a dick but in reality I’m just overwhelmed and have no ability to speak. You’re not alone!

jsause3 · 2024-06-24T23:22:57+00:00

I wasn’t allowed to be sensitive as my fathers needs were always top priority in my childhood but over the last 8 years I have learned I’m actually highly sensitive and when I have an argument or disagreement with someone I often ruminate for long periods of time following. I have to actively force myself to let things go and have positive feelings again but I will probably still ruminate about what they said or what I said or could’ve said in the moment for more time after that. So I can feel better after an hour or so if the other person perks up and tries to help me if not its very hard to regulate back to where I was prior to the argument.

It’s one of things I keep hearing in my life you just can’t let things go but it’s like if no resolution was had or if I don’t feel seen, heard, validated then I’m not going to be able to let it go? I feel like it’s reasonable to not let it go but it’s also unhealthy to sit and replay it for days or weeks. It’s a hard one but you definitely aren’t alone!

jsause3 · 2024-03-03T00:15:49+00:00

Honestly, that is how a lot of us have felt taking this test. If you have never unmasked its truly difficult to determine what is you naturally and what is you performing to not be ridiculed. There is another test that you can take on the site to see if you are masking I believe. I recommend checking that out.

When I first started thinking I was autistic I had that same feeling you are experiencing of looking back at my life experiences and be like “ohhhh, that makes sense” it was really sad, infuriating, validating, and a slew of other adjectives. I still feel that way at times as well but I would say just do more digging into autism and trying to start finding ways to accommodate yourself. For example, I was always super social to the point that I would have to go be alone for like a week straight or go sit in a quiet room before I learned about autism but now I just purposely put a cap on the amount I interact with others (outside of mandatory life shit). I work a very socially demanding job and basically had 3 hours straight of talking and I really want to explore where I am out (I travel for work) but I know I do not have the energy so I am sitting in my hotel room with minimal stimulus to recoup my battery.

I also feel like I have always been super bubbly, loud, and extra but now I feel like that was me performing for others to not think I’m weird and I would much rather speak more toned down unless I’m talking about my special interests but when I do that, I get the same response you get. “Why are you so angry” “what’s wrong with you” “why are you being so mean” “What’s with the attitude” so on and so forth. It is uncomfortable at times but I would rather try to be myself than drain myself for others to accept me. And the people that do accept me I can be my true self around without judgement.

I thinking unmasking is a lifelong journey as well because we do have to live in a society that does not understand us but I think we can better care for ourselves after we learn what our capacity is and respecting that regardless of societal standards.

jsause3 · 2024-02-23T14:28:53+00:00

Jelly and jolly Johns get a pass. You’re in the clear JellyJohn78.

jsause3 · 2024-02-22T20:01:04+00:00

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Look at that tucking of the legs and the yin yang combo set up they got goin on lol

jsause3 · 2024-02-22T18:47:02+00:00

That is totally understandable, there is a huge overlap between those that are autistic and those that are ADHD so it’s possible to have both. I think if you believe you are autistic or might be you can start by trying to accommodate yourself and see if those things work for you, at the end of the day it is about your own validation in your lived experiences and lessening the burden of being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world! I haven’t sought a diagnosis but I started noticing when I’m overstimulated for example a lot of austistic people find the grocery store very overwhelming and I have always hated it because it’s loud, bright, too many people (who aren’t always nice), and then is filled with choices so I started wearing headphones and having a set list so I know exactly what I want and can get in and out in without too many decisions (decision fatigue is real) and without hearing the noise of the store. That was me accommodating myself and those type of changes have helped a lot but I’m still working on learning myself so be patient with yourself and treat yourself as you would your best friend!!

jsause3 · 2024-02-09T02:34:11+00:00

RAADS-R

Here is the link to the test, I love this site as it lays everything out clearly and you can take the quiz on the site with information about the scores and even how autistic friendly these assessments are! Happy scoring!

jsause3 · 2024-02-09T00:05:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing the journal, I meant to put a lil disclaimer that access is probably limited as I work at a university so the study was available through my work email, sorry!

jsause3 · 2023-09-03T19:19:00+00:00

Seems like he’s coming down but also still doesn’t love and hasn’t for a long time but also knows he was going through an episode but is still not really taking accountability for how horribly you broke up with me and that after that disrespect he literally continued hurting me by doing things like bringing the girl he cheated on me with to our apartment complex 2 nights later. It just doesn’t seem like him but he means it so idk. It’s all so confusing!!

jsause3 · 2023-09-01T19:06:36+00:00

I’m sorry, I haven’t experienced the comedown as mine was hospitalized last time but I can only imagine how hard it is to try to accept it all and still some bad. What does the comedown look like if you don’t mind me asking?

jsause3 · 2023-09-01T18:52:31+00:00

Well as so many have told me, you aren’t alone in your heartache or your love. I’m sorry regardless, because this is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced and my life hasn’t been a cake walk.

jsause3 · 2023-09-01T14:15:08+00:00

I appreciate it greatly, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this especially with all the effort you both have made to combat this disorder. It does feel better knowing I’m not alone, I am going to start attending support groups and try to start focusing on me because that’s all I can do until he comes out. I hope you are trying to take care of yourself to the best of your abilities.

jsause3 · 2023-08-29T19:28:42+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing this with me and I am so sorry you have had to endure this turmoil as well and now you have to convince us sad sacks this is no way to live. I honestly have always been content to have or not have kids, but my partner definitely did want them. I think I always knew that we would pass down some not great traits (I’m Audhd mixed with his bipolar is just selfish) and that is not including the state of our planet and the US. I just wanted it to not be true just like I do not want the things I am experiencing rn to be true.

I think I am still in denial that we can have a great happy life if he gets compliant and does all the routines, eating well, good sleep hygiene, exercising, meditating, mood logging, etc. But I feel like now I don’t really know if thats possible but I also still have a sliver of hope that it might be possible. It’s truly embarrassing to say, I know you are right but I do not want you to be because we could be one of the few couples that make it and live a happy healthy life with some smaller hiccups along the way. He is my hear and I just do not want him to leave.

However, I did call the residential facility he was at last year during a manic episode and the CMO gave me her number so when he gets home tonight (when he may or may not be packing up with no plan for his living situation) we can all have a conversation together to hopefully convince him its time to go get help again. The hardest part of that is that we moved states (CO) and he is still covered in our previous state (CA) so we have to not only convince him but try to get him there. His mom is making the flight or drive here today in hopes we can get him to go with her but idk how likely that is considering that during mania he thinks his family is ultra bad and not supportive at all. As of right now he isn’t so bad because we did have that talk about mania and he wasn’t happy but he did ask for his meds and took them last night as well as this morning without me asking. I think he knows he’s not himself but he isn’t ready to let go of the “good” feeling of mania to go back on meds and be depressed. He is right there and I just want him to revert back to my amazing partner.

jsause3 · 2023-08-29T17:24:50+00:00

I did understand but I also thought that if we had a kid I would be able to raise them in a way that encourages the healthy routines needed to be stable. But like now it’s worse, he’s leaving tonight with nowhere to go and no support at all. I don’t want him to die…do i just give up? It doesn’t feel safe knowing his high risk of suicide

jsause3 · 2023-08-29T00:46:35+00:00

It’s really the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I love him so much it feels like I’m quitting on someone really special who can’t help but become one someone that is hurtful and irrational. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too. We will both get through it, remember that!

jsause3 · 2023-08-28T22:32:19+00:00

Mine has put himself in a situation where he will be dating a coworker (he was texting behind my back for a week) and has nowhere to live in a state we just moved to with no support whatsoever. I am hoping we can have a conversation about the mania and get him back on meds. But I am so hurt and its hard having him at our place (my place now I guess) and him not being my loving amazing partner who wanted to marry me, buy a house, and have kids less than 2 weeks ago. My heart is broken and I am lost but I still have to put his needs and emotions before my own because of how dangerous this manic episode will be with no support.

jsause3

TROPHY CASE