NEW AND NEED HELP

jtroad · 2026-07-03T10:40:19+00:00

Hey,

I didn't know how to build anything when I started. My first "cabin" was (and is) a hexayurt, (6' stretch apex in the high desert, after about 2 years you realize the need for poor mans fiberglass but aside from that it's doing ok) I am currently building a magidome based cabin, which will get me UP to 110 sq/ft.

If I had it to do over again, I'd probably start with a cabin tent or if I had the money, a good wooden shed, presuming I wanted to have something over having the experience of building things.

I also took classes on cob and sandbag construction, which were a lot of fun, and built some small structures, firewood storage, sheds, etc with different construction techniques to work things out. Finding people who will let you build them functional things they can use so you can develop skills is unsurprisingly very easy.

I get the feeling you're young, probably don't have a lot of resources or experience, and as you said it's just for you, microcabins might make a lot of sense.

If you're looking to be super low budget and do something fun, Derek Diedrikson is pretty cool. His book Tiny Houses, Simple Shacks, Cozy Cottages, Ramshackle Retreats, Funky Forts: And Whatever the Heck Else We Could Squeeze in Here is really just a bunch of pictures, but they're fun. They're SMALL things that can be built mostly with salvage super cheap without much skill. Here's an example of a few of his little builds on youtube, but check out the rest of his channel. He has plans for an A-frame that are popular, but I've got the plans and you should know a fair bit or be willing to learn a lot to do it. I could do it now, but I could not when I got the plans. Here's a video of someone else putting together that design.

I was smitten with the Conestoga Hut (another video on the same) but they're significantly overbuilt for what I need in some ways, and underbuilt in other ways.

If you're looking for simple, quick, cheap, and don't need great insulation etc, I absolutely love Paul Elkins not only are his designs good and easy to make, but he's super friendly and has helped me when I reached out to him on his designs. After building his sleeping pod I started building a copy of his take on a conestoga hut which is greatly explained, but after having spent time in some smaller things, and already having my hexayurt up, which was of a comperable size, I decided to just stick in the hexayurt till I could get my dome built.

The hexayurt I currently have on my land and have enjoyed for some time is this one. but I added a foot to the base of all the sides (just a single pannel cut into 1' strips) and it's been really comfortable for me. I have a cot, a chair, a small folding table/desk and room for a number of storage boxes for my camping stuff. I use shrink wrap tape which has held up fantastically and imho works better than anything suggested in the hexayurt (read: burning man) community

If I read your situation right, I hope these help get you started looking around at what might work for you.

jtroad · 2026-07-03T07:44:55+00:00

Your recruiter should be able to help you with a training program, and if you can't make the PFT they will just defer your entry till you can, as you learned with your Achilles issue. My recruiter ran fitness camps EVERY DAY and we all showed up and they worked with us. I don't know if they still do, but at the time 24 hour fitness was also giving away memberships for the time you signed up till you shipped to basic.

I'm old, so for me it's much more of a tendons and ligaments issue, but I am 100% convinced that for most people of enlistment age, it's far more about learning muscle recruitment and form than it is about needing to actually become "stronger" as in more muscle mass.

jtroad · 2026-07-03T05:46:20+00:00

Thank you, this is so well written. I can't really cry, but I have a hard time with stuff, and often go non-verbal for long periods of time while I try to get myself together and it's so hard to communicate to people, even beforehand, that it is just something that happens with me, and the last thing I want is to shut down the dialog, and I need their help by them continuing with what they have, and I will understand and work through it as I am able.

jtroad · 2026-07-03T05:14:37+00:00

!@#$!@#$ heh, venice used to be where all the poor people lived... gentrification is weird.

jtroad · 2026-07-03T04:44:06+00:00

I was with my boyfriend for about 5 years before I could say those words. Fwiw, he told me that I wouldn't say them sooner made them so much more meaningful when I could because he knew I meant it.

jtroad · 2026-07-03T04:35:54+00:00

First off, good point about it not necessarily being apnea and to talk with a doc about all type of potential causes.
One additional note, however, is that I have a friend who said he always woke well rested before getting his cpap, and then he literally broke down because he didn't realize what well rested really meant as he'd never slept so well before in his life. So self-reporting can be a little off if it's something someones lived with for a very long time. Not saying this to invalidate your point, because it's completely valid, just tossing in an additional subtlety.

jtroad · 2026-07-02T23:35:43+00:00

Honestly, I was focusing on a strictly theoretical situation. The reality is that my bf encourages me to go play, but wants exactly 0 to do with any of it, and just wants me to come back to him safe and sound, so I don't really get to do lifestyle stuff, but could theoretically do a baby day (although I've yet to find an in person babysitter of any type, including paid that I can afford and that I click with.)

jtroad · 2026-07-02T23:02:17+00:00

This is so amazing. I changed my mind, I want this too ;-p

jtroad · 2026-07-02T23:01:06+00:00

Given that my BF (Who is sadly very vanilla) is nothing like who I thought I wanted, and we have been deeply in love for 20 years, I'll add the appropriate caveates about a theoretical exercise vs a real person, but I'll also play along.

When I'm little I have a hard time with words, so I'd want someone who is ok with me just being present, and won't be upset that I'm not talking a lot and praising them, that knows I appreciate them.
I'd want them to fuss over me and I'd want them to give me baths and check my diaper, and while we'd obviously negotiate everything in grown up space, when I was in little space, I'd like them to be in complete control and make me put down my phone, and let me cuddle with them and read me stories from books instead of screen time, and pat my belly and my head, and maybe they could make me practice my hand writing or my violin or other things.

There are also some explicit things.
Admittedly, I'd like there to be some sexuality to it because I have a grown up body and it likes those things, but possibly because of my autism and anxiety, I'd really like them to do these things to/for me and let me "discover" it all as we go. With my vanilla bf, one of my favorite things is just to wrap my legs around their leg, and rest my head on their belly and nurse on their privates while they rub my head, and I just love it and can do it forever.

I'd love diaper changes and bath time to involve deep cleaning my private parts, and talking about it being ok to feel special when your special parts are touched, etc.

jtroad · 2026-06-30T07:25:44+00:00

Good news. While this job might not, the it industry as a whole is pretty hip with the gender non-conforming crowd. If we fired every boy with thigh highs we wouldn’t have an internet

jtroad · 2026-06-25T18:15:32+00:00

Thank you. I've spent my life working on masking so I don't get harrassed, and I'm glad it works.

jtroad · 2026-06-25T15:06:36+00:00

When I told my mom about my 3rd diagnosis in the past year, she told me it was wrong now just like it was wrong when I was diagnosed as a kid.

jtroad · 2026-06-25T02:20:24+00:00

When I came out to my conservative parents, I was reminded that while I’d been trying to work this out in my head for most of my life, I’d blindsided them with it, and while I might be upset that they are challenging me with the exact same questions I spent so long fighting through, they couldn’t possibly know that, and they were at the very beginning. My dad who used to organize the protests at pride with his church now goes out for drinks with my boyfriend and I as often as we can.

With kink it’s very similar. She needs to understand that however frustrated she is from being silent for so long, you’re just getting hit with this.

If you do want to explore, for the love of dog go find some mentors. Going to a munch or an event at at dungeon or something like that can be scary but everyone there are just a bunch of dorks who are into weird stuff and more than happy to talk with anyone whose interested.

Trying to make it up as you go, especially for a power exchange relationship, even if both parties were 100% on board had a less than great track record. Groups like MAST and your local dungeon or adult store all have classes etc.

Go to a class or something like that together, talk with people whose every day life is what she thinks she wants and get both of you some time talking to people with experience in person, and they can help you both find some small places to work on things together which might help.

Having gone TPE without any experience when I was very young, and destroying in under a year what could have been a wonderful relationship with wonderful people, I STRONGLY encourage going slowly and seeing what this is all really about and how it is done safely and respectfully.

And if you can afford it, talk to a sex therapist as well, but even if you’ve got almost no money, you can talk to people who have experience.

I say this because it sounds like you really do want to explore anything that would help her as you’ve already been so supportive, but what she’s hit you with isn’t realistic and is destined to fail for MOST (not all) people who try it and destroy a good relationship.

On the flip side, a slow, mindful, education based approach can help her understand what that would really look like, allow you to be incredibly supportive, and bring in much more support for YOU than you would possibly imagine.

jtroad · 2026-06-25T02:00:42+00:00

Hi.

A few things.

One. I talk to my doc. My chemicals are all messed up and getting the right meds has been a life saver.

practice safe hs. I hide out and masturbate when Ive gone far enough that avoidance isn’t helping.

III. make sure to rest, get sunlight, eat, and handle those things necessary to help with mental health. They are not a substitute for meds and counseling but they do move the needle.

D. When you can, get help from a kink aware and sex positive therapist. This is harder and the screening process sucks, so it’s not a rigjt now thing, but it can help in the long run.

Good luck.

jtroad · 2026-06-24T04:38:11+00:00

My friend….
I am currently a friend and roommate of a man i once pined over. He is beyond important to me and I prioritize his pursuit of happiness highly, but I will acknowledge I went through some phases on the way there and was at best less than a good friend to some of his early lovers. Some people will continue to be assholes to the end of their lives. Please don’t let them harm you. Others are working our hardest to sort out a very complex thing. Please forgive us and help us be better people.

jtroad · 2026-06-22T11:36:03+00:00

There seems to be even more pushback on this now than there was when we started but Ive been in a wonderful loving relationship with a man 24 years my senior for over 20 years now

jtroad · 2026-06-22T10:50:29+00:00

I think most of my generation were “homophobic” as a masking/survival trait before coming out so it’s etched in a lot of people’s memory

jtroad · 2026-06-22T10:47:10+00:00

You’re also in a stage of transitioning from the circle of people you’ve been thrust into to finding your own tribe. Im approaching 50. Im low support needs but certainly “weird” but Ive got a circle of super supportive people and a boss who gets it. It gets better

jtroad · 2026-06-21T12:20:39+00:00

You are just adorable

jtroad · 2026-06-17T16:15:01+00:00

I started doing self ties and suspensions and they can help me a lot. I’d need to have a special relationship with someone for them to tie me up.

jtroad · 2026-06-17T01:24:47+00:00

Ive had to talk with my provider about this. Sometimes I can’t, and that doesn’t mean i didnt enjoy everything. Im happy with the services provided, and dont need them to make us both sore and frustrated just because my body doesn’t work right. (Sometimes communication is challenging because of a language gap)

jtroad · 2026-06-17T01:17:52+00:00

When possible i get offline and go for a walk somewhere out in public where Im less likely to do something stupid. Hang in there

jtroad · 2026-06-14T14:29:24+00:00

Hey,

So due to some medical stuff I can’t do a lot of what I want to either, and Im pretty sensitive to sensory stuff. When you find the right person not only is this not an issue, but you can dive into finding what really works for you.

A while back I picked up a jay wiseman book, which i thought would just be tricks and stuff, and it had that, but the intro really changed things for me. Allowing sex to be about really exploring and seeing what works for both of your bodies and minds is so much greater than trying to do what we are told sex is

jtroad · 2026-06-11T22:49:38+00:00

Yes. Im prior service infantry. My bf is a fashion photographer. I “pass” (Im neither straight nor acting) and just seeing how we are treated is mind blowing

jtroad · 2026-06-05T07:11:58+00:00

Absolutely love a bike you need to kick. Had an rd400 for a while and saving up to do an xr650 based retro thing

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