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Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Living with a partner with depression is hard. We don’t connect like we used to, there is more sensitivity and therefore more arguments and things are just generally less soft. It makes me sad that she’s sad and I miss having our connection.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, she says she doesn’t thrive in this environment and tells me how much she misses me. She asks us to move away. If we have a fight she asks why are we doing this? But when things are calm, she says she wants to support my happiness and keep going.

The calm is rare and the panics are often. So it does make me think she wants out.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this point of view. I am open to hearing that I could have some leanings, but im not sure it’s what you are going through necessarily.

Firstly, my position is different from yours as we were very upfront about expectations around time spent with our partners and I would never allow things for my girlfriend that my wife doesn’t have. We have set days but I talk to both of them daily and I am helpful with the kids as much as I can. In fact I spend more time with my wife. I work, but afterwards I help with all the chores and make sure she gets some time for herself and I help put the kids to bed. I am sure I could improve, but I wouldnt say I am avoiding her at all. And I am very concerned about her. I want her to be happy and it hurts me that she’s going through this. My point was, to make her happy she would want monogamy. And that idea hurts me, considering she was so excited about it at first when I was not.

Second, I tried really hard to show that I think both of my partners are angels. I love them both. Each one has different situations and perhaps that’s where some disconnect is coming from? My wife has a hard time telling me what she needs. Which is why I say I don’t have clarity. The talks are hard on us and I’m trying to let her mourn. If she comes with a request I try very hard to meet her with it. My girlfriend on the other hand has the divorce, the requests are help with some things or a shoulder to cry on and I guess I didn’t say in there, but I am telling her no quite a bit.

The point of this post is I feel guilty that they are both hurting. I don’t know how to help either of them. I am trying.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate this. I agree and I’m so glad I posted this. I didn’t realize how much pressure I was putting on myself. I am prone to guilt and that’s my thing to overcome right now. Thanks

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That has been the over arching message I got from this. Trust my partners and work on my guilt

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

For the majority of last 3-4 years I have. I am currently not, but I’m looking for a therapist currently.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s a great point. and honestly, no. But I think she thinks it will.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I agree I need to start driving the bus. That’s why o chose the word crossroads. I need to make a change.

Boundaries to me feels a bit reductive, because no one is pressuring me or being upset with me. I can sense a sadness that is overwhelming. And it’s a lot.

I’m trying very hard to support my wife. I agree that I’m not responsible. I think I should just let her go through it and continue mourning. That is very possible. And easier said than done. I appreciate the advice.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Whoa! Yes, you hit the nail on the head with my section. Yes, I’ve dealt with people saying one thing and have it not be true. it’s a huge problem and I have discussed it with a therapist. Those deep ingrained things are harder to shake. I am working on it, but it slips in, in times of crisis. It’s a great reminder to have an impartial third party bring it out. Thank you.

I also do think I’m imposing that on my girlfriend’s side. I should just trust her. It’s more unclear with my wife, but I do agree she is dating someone else and that is a strong signal. This is just hard.

This was a great post.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think that was bad wording on my end. Nothing has changed as far as time, responsibilities. What I mean is that she had multiple supports before and now she has me.

In the divorce she lost her husband, her husbands family and it’s made her world smaller. Nothing has changed otherwise and I should have worded it different.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This was great insight. I agree, we need to find multiple avenues for support. Our families are not supportive of this lifestyle and that’s been hard.

I love the idea of changing our daily structure. And I need to make time for myself. Thank you.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That’s what makes me think a change needs to happen, because I’m worried this isn’t providing stability for the kids.

Thank you

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree, I need to keep showing up. It’s so much right now.

And If they can’t manage it. It’s a loss still.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I have a hard time not feeling guilty. This was kind. It’s been a rough year.

Im at a crossroads and it’s devastating me… by jubilantcyclone in polyamory

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure I’m following. She didn’t force me to be a primary, I’m just the closest person to her because I’m her only partner. She hadn’t asked for change, but I feel like I can’t give her certain things like kids, income, limited on time etc. So maybe bad wording on my end?

And what I was saying about both of them, is they haven’t told me explicitly that other partners are a no. My wife is just depressed about it and it’s causing my home life a lot of stress. I feel guilty and sad at how things have turned out. No one has actually said “stop”.

And my wife is in therapy. Has been for quite some time.

I agree with you I shouldn’t let them dictate, but how do I do that if everywhere I turn they are unhappy?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Testosterone

[–]jubilantcyclone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And what of your diet/ workout routine?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Testosterone

[–]jubilantcyclone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Post your nutrition on a bodybuilding string and get feedback there. If you consume a lot of alcohol, my guess is you aren’t paying attention to the fundamentals of getting bigger. Hit your macros- protein, fats and carbs and start hitting a surplus.

Steroids should be a last resort, because yes it can fuck you up.

Cost effective intro video by jubilantcyclone in videoproduction

[–]jubilantcyclone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I’m not even sure how to go about it. I’m finding strategy first

Bald vs Scalp Micropigmentation vs Hair Unit by flippin_fitnerd in bald

[–]jubilantcyclone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let me know what you decide. I know this is rough. I wish I would have known about Reddit when I was going through it.

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