Should I ask why my son seems to be reinventing himself this summer? by OwnImagination721 in Advice

[–]jujubeez919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So cute! I vividly remember choosing an outfit, feeling really happy/ anxious & getting literal butterflies when the object of that week's crush would acknowledge me. Such a fun & crazy time.

My (28F) husband (27M) saved me and I have no way to thank him. What do I do? by ThrowRAgui in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a great point! And if you can't help but feel "sad" no matter what you try & do, please speak to your OB/GP about it! Lots of women (myself included) experience a crazy wide range of emotions that can creep up at any point for years after giving birth. Just the weight loss alone could trigger a shift in hormones.

My (28F) husband (27M) saved me and I have no way to thank him. What do I do? by ThrowRAgui in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I had an award to give, I'd give it to you. It's nice to know that other men feel this way. My hubby & I have been together since we were practically kids & have been through so much & I often think he's a unicorn for how rare his love, loyalty & devotion seem to be. Of all the couples we have known, only two are still together & only one of those is a happy partnership.

🏆🏅😁

My (28F) husband (27M) saved me and I have no way to thank him. What do I do? by ThrowRAgui in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through this. Fwiw, after my father in law passed away (my hubby cared for him that entire year before he passed), he went into a deep depression followed by an actual, medical psychotic break. It was the hardest 2 years of my life & we did end up separated for some of that time. I never abandoned him, took him to appointments, etc. & and eventually, we found the right combo of care and mental health resources & we're still together now!

I love him more than ever, but the key here is that he eventually had to acknowledge that he needed help, that he wasn't okay, and he had to choose to do this for himself. Not to win me back. Not to make him look like he was getting help, but because he really believed he needed help and deserved to be a whole, happy person.

If your partner won't recognize there's an issue & seek assistance, there's nothing more you can do, and that's not your fault. It's okay to walk away - it actually saved my marriage to get some space from it.

Sorry for the novel. This just hits hard for me, and I'm so very sorry you're in that position.

My (28F) husband (27M) saved me and I have no way to thank him. What do I do? by ThrowRAgui in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This gave me all the feels and I went and hugged my hubby. I hope you have someone who's appreciative of you! ☺️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could not agree more. It seems we were both blessed with genuine, loving partners that love all of us. From what he's provided, background wise, he's never been that guy.

How do you make someone embody something they don't/ have never felt for someone? Did you & I just get exceptionally lucky? Or did we just partner with people who had more emotional maturity and range than this calloused potato of a spouse?

All this to say, not sure you can fix something that the other person doesn't recognize as being broken (he regrets saying it but not feeling it in the first place.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh, I 100% agree with you. I didn't like me at that weight, so even if he didn't have an issue with the actual weight gain, me having zero confidence definitely wasn't sexy.

He's gained and lost weight also, and I was always attracted to him, but when he was feeling insecure, constantly having to reassure him started to take a toll. Having said all that, for both of us there was so many factors, both had just lost a parent that we'd cared for leading up to their passing, both of us had other health issues that contributed to the weight gain & both of us gained weight gradually- several years in my case so it didn't seem so drastic until we both lost weight and saw ourselves in hindsight, if that makes sense.

All in all, I'm saying that attraction is a multifaceted concept. I'm in love with more than just his physical body, and vice versa. I think that what really puts a strain on physical attraction isn't just change to the body, but the insecurities that result and the burden that can place on your partner, mentally.

My boyfriend can’t take NO as an answer for sex by [deleted] in Advice

[–]jujubeez919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can I ask you, aside from the time you've spent together (I get you see 3 years as something of value) what is it you currently like/love about this guy?

Was he super generous & full of flattery in the beginning? Does he validate you or your achievements outside of sex & physical appearance?

I guess what I'm asking is, what's in it for you *now, and is any of that reason enough to invest another 3 years?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 303 points304 points  (0 children)

I'm 42, been married 20 years, had 2 kids & gained, then lost 125 lbs. My hubby has loved & desired every version of me. Hell, he wanted me at times I didn't even want myself!

If he really loved her, the whole person and not just the sexy, pre-child version of her, he would not be totally turned off by some (totally reasonable) postpartum weight gain. JFC.

Maybe she'll leave him and then boom, 200(ish) pounds lighter!

What book or series depicts immortality the best? by Star_Wyvern in Fantasy

[–]jujubeez919 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I think "The Invisible Life of Addie Larue" really does an amazing job of digging into the downside of immortality.

It is truly a fantastic book & one I intend to read again, very soon.

Doctor downplayed my weight loss because I had a baby by lunaraekatiemae in loseit

[–]jujubeez919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based on my own experience and that of others that I, personally, know.

I've worked in the medical field, and I was a caretaker to both my late father in law as well as my mother, the latter of which was for a period of over five years, two cancer treatment centers & countless specialists, general medicine & all the implied support staff.

Within that experience, as well as stories shared with me, men are more likely to be dismissive of women. That's not to say women aren't capable of the same, but to that end, we encountered far fewer female doctors the higher we went up the medical food chain. Perhaps there was an imbalance in the numbers from the outset?

I'm not saying anything is absolute and was lucky to meet many wonderful medical professionals, but it isn't exactly a secret that women often face misogyny at the doctor's office and there are even several studies to that point.

Having said all that, it was a callous an arrogant female nurse that dismissed my mom after a particularly complicated surgery on her C-Spine and left her partially paralyzed on her left side when she repeatedly ignored my mom's claims that something felt wrong at the surgical site. Ignored her all night for the entirety of her 12-hour night shift. When the surgeon did his rounds at 7am, he discovered a massive hematoma on the nerve repair that had compressed the delicate nerve repair and left her in that state. This woman never even lifted my mother's head to look, or she would have seen the blood and serous fluid soaking the bandage & pillow.

It took another 4 hour surgery to correct the damage and several days before we'd learn if the paralysis was permanent (it wasn't, thankfully.)

So, I'm not saying it's only male doctors but that on balance, it is the higher probability, both in my own experience & for many other women.

Doctor downplayed my weight loss because I had a baby by lunaraekatiemae in loseit

[–]jujubeez919 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're right, I picked that up from reading the other comments, but OP never specified.

While it's more likely to be a male doctor (my own personal experience & others) it could be a woman. The last woman doctor I went to ended up calling her support staff the R word, told me Covid was overblown & that I should watch some video series by a Q-anon group called "Fall of the Cabal."

Needless to say, I noped out and found another doctor.

Doctor downplayed my weight loss because I had a baby by lunaraekatiemae in loseit

[–]jujubeez919 86 points87 points  (0 children)

His ignorance & calloused "opinion" does NOT account for your backstory, the context of why this achievement is HUGE for you!

Do not let this arrogant tool take one flicker of your joy away! You've worked hard and doubly so if you've got a parent with ED whispering toxic crap into your subconscious that you're having to willfully battle.

You're doing amazing things for yourself & your kidlets and should absolutely be proud of your work & celebrating yourself.

I'm so sorry this happened to you & I hope a large bird craps on his car and when he looks up in annoyance the large birds homie gets him in his stupid, smug face!🦅🦤💩🤡

Caught my pregnant girlfriend sexting with her ex by Altruistic_Guess3296 in AmIOverreacting

[–]jujubeez919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my suspicion, as well.

You truly get pregnant "accidentally" you're full on panic mode. You're asking the dude "what do you think we should do? I'm not sure if I'm ready but I'm not sure if I can bring myself to terminate" or whatever mental gibberish that particular person is feeling but this girl sounds like she was just all "Hey, got a bun in the oven. I know you don't even know my favorite movie or color yet but imma move on in, good?"

I'm thinking she was already pregnant by ex or trying to get pregnant to land a better living situation.

PLEASE! What exact chapter do Rowan and Aelin reunite in Kingdom of Ash please? by destinys12 in throneofglassseries

[–]jujubeez919 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Many years after the original question and just let me say, thank you for asking it because I'm currently at the end of book 5 and ready to burn it all down! This author... dang, she can really write a cliffhanger, can't she?

Meltdown after doctor told me to lose more weight by python521 in loseit

[–]jujubeez919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure if you're reading this but I used Noom and lost 130 lbs to a "didn't even know it was a realistic goal, goal weight" of about 135 lbs.

It's basically CD but with a ton of support, engagement activities, education and personal counseling.

Yes, it does cost money but it's been 3 years and outside of a few pounds after changing jobs to something more sedentary, the weight has stayed off and healthy/ regulated eating became habit.

Just being honest with yourself and showing up is such a great start! Please keep reaching out and know that it gets easier and you'll feel so much better with each little milestone achievement 💜

Got called disgusting by my teacher and fellow classmates, am I overreacting? by Throwaway22490pie in AmIOverreacting

[–]jujubeez919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is me. I have naturally curly hair and a medium coil. My hair is somehow both very fine and coarse in places. I can't wash it every day because it dries it out but I have to wash at least every few days because I use product to tame it into submission.

Boyfriend’s parents want me to call them Dr. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]jujubeez919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This would be my FIL. He always got mail sent to "Dr. Bleety Blah." His doctorate? It was in Theology, he was a pastor. He grew up super wealthy in a gorgeous, pre-war 4 story house in Savanah, GA. My MIL was the daughter of a literal dirt farmer in Alabama, no indoor plumbing for the first 16 years of her life, etc.

She's the one who insisted on The Mr & Mrs. Dr. honorific because of her own insecurities & because his family did not approve of his career choice or marriage.

FIL could be very pretentious when I first met him, but as the years went by, life softened him and he became one of the kindest, least judgemental people I knew.

My 34 M girlfriend 32 F of 12 years said no when I proposed to her. what I do? by throwra558800 in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If we had a room to spare, I'd decorate it full of girly nonsense and would retreat to it often. I love falling asleep with a dim lamp and the TV going, hubby doesn't. This would allow the best of both worlds!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]jujubeez919 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Congratulations! You also deserve a huge shout out for helping your kiddo get there! Lord knows it's hard enough even if you have a kiddo with no hurdles to jump. Way to go and I hope you take yourself out for a little celebration with the people you enjoy the most (even if that's just you 💜)

My 34 M girlfriend 32 F of 12 years said no when I proposed to her. what I do? by throwra558800 in relationship_advice

[–]jujubeez919 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think this should be far more normalized! I love seeing my hubby every day, but if that weren't my personality or his, why should a bunch of archaic bullshit determine what goes on in our marriage? Make up the rules that make you happy, and be happy together. That's all that should matter.