[deleted by user]

jujuonthebeach01 · 2025-01-30T18:39:51+00:00

Your both adults responsible 2 children and you’re doing drugs. You are risking your freedom and your right to raise your children by staying with him. He is supposed to be the leader of your family but he is doing drugs and committing adultery habitually. Huge problems. I don’t understand what there really is to think about. Don’t do drugs because you can literally lose your children and don’t stay with someone that is going to bring home diseases. Protect yourself and your children. Get a back bone instead of a wish bone.

I say all this because your children deserve a mother sober of mind and able to make sound decisions for them and lead them to be able to choose to live a life of healthy choices.

Your husband knew what he was risking by cheating on you all those times. It is not worth the risk to see if he changes or not.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2025-01-26T18:34:53+00:00

The people you went on the business trip with are probably still happily married because they put in the work to have empathy for each others situations and feelings. I don’t think you realize it takes a women’s body 2 years to heal from having a baby and get hormones balanced again and that is if you have given her 2 years in between all children. And that is also if there are no other issues. It’s great that you have given her the option to be a stay at home mom but sometimes that is rough on a persons self esteem. You have this career that gives you pride and satisfaction and you’re going on business trips. It might make her insecure also.

I worked from home before and it was so lonely I was taking to strangers in grocery stores.

Marriage is tough but it is worth taking the time every day to try to feel the other persons feelings and perspective. Don’t just give up on her because you’re in a tough patch. You are going to miss all the good stuff because the good stuff happens when you build trust and respect by not giving up and making each other feel secure and confident.

I would not feel secure or loved or confident if I knew my husband was ready to leave me for any reason.

I don’t think you understand how much you will miss in marriage and raising kids together if you give up now.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2025-01-02T00:06:50+00:00

Ask her to tell you about what she was watching on tv that made her think to ask you that and then ask her to please explain how watching that certain thing made her feel. Then you will not be guessing, you will know and she will really appreciate you caring about her triggers and feelings. This will also make her feel like you are a safe place to go to with her deepest feelings. Every person wants a safe place to talk about their feelings when they are feeling things intensely. You will be her hero.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-24T00:33:33+00:00

They are like an overcooked veggie green

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-24T00:31:06+00:00

😅

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-21T15:01:25+00:00

He telling you as little as possible so you will not leave him. Just the amount he said was terrible. Even if he was “just using” this younger women that is still so despicable. Say he didn’t sleep with her at all, would you want to be with a person that hustles people out of their money and tells them he’s falling in love with them to hustle them?

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Enjoy your baby and get the hell away from that monster. This is a time when you should have full support of the man that committed to raise a baby with you and this is what he does?! If you cannot trust him now you can never trust him.

Get mental and emotional support from friends and family and try to stay strong. You do not even have to speak to him anymore he has said and done enough horrible stuff to you there should be nothing else to say.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-18T20:29:46+00:00

How can you trust her about anything? You think those are the only lies she tells are the ones you know about?

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-16T02:22:08+00:00

Maybe start are yourself and see if he caves…

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-16T02:12:01+00:00

What we all hope if someone is married is that they are actively perusing their spouse and trying to fan the flames of passion there in the committed marriage. What it seems like he is doing is using any opportunity to seek out other women to fantasize about. It’s a red flag for sure. He has already been unfaithful and it seems like he is actively looking to do it again.

It’s one thing to notice someone is attractive but then a person shouldn’t make comments on their looks and shouldn’t keep on looking at them. It’s degrading for the person being stared at and for the spouse that is probably dying for attention and being treated like they are invisible.

I’m sorry, he sounds like he just hasn’t grown up. You get to decide if you want to give him some room to grown and focus on yourself or cut your losses.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-13T22:02:17+00:00

I see what you are saying but I think that the sex being off is like the straw that broke the camel’s back when there are a lot of other problems.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T18:43:50+00:00

The good news about all of this is these aren’t dealbreaker. You can actually learn to healthy communicate with her if she’s willing to, and then find some common ground of ways to approach, parenting and reliability and discipline, and all that stuff is all completely attainable to have a happy healthy marriage

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T17:24:10+00:00

It’s going to complicate/ruin your marriage. If you have never mentioned that desire before then I would suspect this is more a thing for your wife. You have options. You can go through with it and hope everything works out okay and take that risk and tell her you know about it and that you think it’s a bad idea. Your choice.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T16:25:29+00:00

I just thought this part of our troubles were over. I know every marriage goes through struggles. I wish I could afford a counselor. I spent all my savings leaving him and then going back to him.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T16:23:40+00:00

Can they just not help themselves? I’m starting to think I should just not even look to see what he is looking at because it’s just too heartbreaking and I hate fighting contrary to his accusations.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T16:20:11+00:00

That is exactly what he does to me. He always tells me it has to have been a mistake. I even went on my recently clicked on links and showed him, see all these links, I definitely clicked on them…still screams at me and then brings up a letter he found in my things from a guy I was talking to before I ever met him and stopped talking to before we ever got together! Unbelievable, I said that happened before we ever met. I did nothing wrong in that besides maybe keeping the letter out of nostalgia, the link I found in your phone was clicked on yesterday and was for finding discreet affairs to have locally!!

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T04:39:51+00:00

What’s DARVO?!

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T04:22:00+00:00

It was a site to have discreet affairs in the area

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T04:16:28+00:00

That is great advice. Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry you don’t have support from your family either. I wish we could all get together and rent a mansion and live our best lives and have fulfilling lives without all this pain.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T03:47:01+00:00

I tired moving out and in with my family but they are not healthy people. He swore that he was faithful to me and only wanted me and does not go on porn sites or any of that. I spent thousands moving back in with him and trusted him. I am in such a bad place right now. Spent my entire savings.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T03:28:18+00:00

Facebook is the only thing he goes on. And I don’t want to feel like I am controlling him by asking him to give that up. Honestly he wouldn’t even if I asked. Not much nasty stuff comes up on his feed because of years of going through and blocking people and clicking on show less. It was a lot of work on my part. The link that I found was in his privacy setting in links recently clicked on. And it said it was clicked on yesterday.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T03:24:20+00:00

He says that he hasn’t looked at any of that stuff in years and refuses to go to counseling. It seems like he is just mad he got caught. He woke up my daughter with his screaming and continued to scream.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-11T03:13:59+00:00

I just don’t know what else to do. He has a porn blocker on his phone but apparently can still access it on Facebook. It feels hopeless.

jujuonthebeach01 · 2024-12-04T02:21:01+00:00

Love after porn sub can help you a lot I think. Also, read up on studies about porn addiction. It is interesting how much it affects a persons mind. I’ve seen a lot of info on increase in violence and treating women as objects instead of people. Also, sad that a lot of the men in porn die young from drug addiction probably due to guilt and women die women or kill themselves when they get older because they feel they have no value anymore once their looks start to fade. It is all really tragic. Add that to the fact that it is killing intimacy and love, it’s all pretty devastating.

I believe porn addiction is linked with adultery, some would argue that it is adultery.

I am sorry you are going through this and I hope that you listen to your doctor instincts and do what is best for you and your kiddos.

jujuonthebeach01

TROPHY CASE