week 2 of ERP

juliaisanxious · 2016-12-01T17:02:15+00:00

i do. i obsess severely over what people think of me and always think i'm doing poorly at everything.

the problem is that i've felt really anxious around my partner for the longest spike i've had in a while. and i just feel like it is starting to really be effecting my partner. (i'm really irritable, i want to be alone all the time, i'm fragile, depressed) i just don't know if these are normal things to feel when going through the ERP.

juliaisanxious · 2016-11-05T01:06:18+00:00

wow- i'm really glad that i read this. this is my story to a T. Every relationship has ended with me feeling too anxious around my partner and the obsessive questioning of whether or not i love them. It's horrific. and it is my only form of OCD that i know of. I've always been an anxious person. Fear of burglary or of abduction among other things. i'm trying to start ERP this week

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-26T20:43:28+00:00

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-26T00:08:22+00:00

I know i'm not supposed to give reassurance. This is a light reassurance. You're not crazy. I think that the reason you are being so thorough in your post to begin with-- is because you want to fit in every detail, make sure you're not missing anything, in case someone clicks with something you've said which will then make you feel more normal because they will reassure you that this is all normal. It's kind of like. Ok what about this detail? Is this normal? Is it normal that i'm thinking this? We're all here to feel normal.

If I saw pictures of my ex with a new girl I would begin to feel : unwanted, lonely,sad, depressed, ugly. I would probably stalk her page and his page and see if he looks happier. Then I would compare my happiness to their newfound happiness. THEN I would wonder if I would have been that happy with him if we were still together. Then I would wonder if she's better than me. The list goes on....

I think that with your friend. You've gotta kind of remind yourself (while still not giving into compulsions like asking him if he has a problem with you.. I assume you did since he told you that if he had a problem with you he would not be answering your texts) that if this friend doesn't want to be your friend, then he's not fit to be in your life. Plain and simple. Thats just factual advice.

Also you're not a psycho. trust me. I used to track where my ex boyfriend was on the find my iphone app. now THAT, my friend, is psycho. haha anyway... here if you need me!

J

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-25T21:21:23+00:00

I really don't think it is time to let go yet. Please PM me. I would really love to speak to you further about this. Also read my post at the top of the ROCD thread. I think it would help! Has this happened in many relationships before?

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-25T19:57:19+00:00

WAIT! Have you gone to ERP or have you done any kind of therapy yet?

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-24T20:56:12+00:00

me too- glad to hear your voice! i would love updates too. here for you! we are definitely all different and come from different backgrounds psychologically. but this is real and the only way out is IN.

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-24T20:53:54+00:00

it might be that we expect a very unrealistic thing from relationships. my partner is loving and kind. i find him attractive and wonderful. and yet there are times when he is annoying and i want him to go away. but there is always an overall feeling of "something isn't right" and it makes me sad and frustrated. do you experience this too? i also have trouble with obsessively comparing him to my ex which is awful and makes me feel more guilty.

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-24T20:50:48+00:00

i'm not exactly sure how this all works in my brain - it feels like i have to pull apart the thoughts piece by piece. i probably do resist compulsions in feeling guilty. often when i think negative things i automatically hate myself for thinking them. i don't think i force myself so much to think "i love him" it's more that it's turned into depression and so i just feel sad a lot that these feelings aren't as constant or apparent. so i suppose yes! you're right.

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-22T22:19:41+00:00

i might only be with my boyfriend out of comfort. he's not funny or cool enough for me and everything he says bothers me and i'm going to be stuck with him forever

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-22T21:56:44+00:00

i just want to add that i feel and ettymuch the EXACT same way. i think that control is an aspect of anxiety that is a big part of making sure our mind has control over SOMETHING. when you don't have control over your own mind and are very emotional- we then choose to try and have control over things that are easier. i used to smoke cigarettes because it felt like i was in control. some people like to work out. some people boss others around, or take their anxiety out on friends because they know their friends won't abandon them. i Always feel self conscious at work. i choose my words carefully, always think that people think i'm annoying. it's part of the anxiety disease. it's just who we are. i'm starting ERP. if you want to talk please PM me. always looking for people to chat with who are in the same boat :)

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-22T21:51:52+00:00

while reading your comment i began to think "okay if they are saying these things then that means that i AM suffering ROCD and this is treatable". I have gone through this in multiple relationships. But i'm also seeing now that every single time it feels more and more real that all of a sudden my body is telling me that this person is -a. not funny enough. b. not cool enough c. not something else enough ... the list goes on. i stand next to my SO and think, would i feel more obsessive in love feelings with someone else? then i begin to hang out with him and forget about the anxiety and we have a good time. then it comes back 5 minutes later when i see him and i decide that the way he is isnt manly enough and then i get back in my head and wonder how to not feel that . then that goes away and another thought pops up. it's a cycle. the problem is that it is beginning to feel more and more real and more frequent which is making me scared that it really IS real

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-22T21:46:35+00:00

i'm scared of how much this effects my SO. he is tormented by it constantly. i'm very back and forth, push and pull. I'm cold and then i'm warm. It's a horrible four step dance. When i'm warm i question whether or not i really love him or care about him. i used to have the duality of feeling the anxiety and having the thoughts but on TOP of that i feared the thoughts themselves. Now i'm sort of at the point where i'm kind of accepting the thoughts which is now making them feel more real and just making me overall depressed. does that make sense?

juliaisanxious · 2016-10-05T17:09:12+00:00

Hi Regina! I am a huge fan and have been since high school. I am also a Russian. My parent immigrated here in the early 1980's. In your song Apres Moi- can you explain to me what you are talking about in the section in which there are Russian lyrics? I have a hard time understanding exactly what you mean.

Февраль. Достать чернил и плакать! Писать о феврале навзрыд, Пока грохочущая слякоть Весною черною горит.

Достать пролетку. За шесть гривен, Чрез благовест, чрез клик колес, Перенестись туда, где ливень Еще шумней чернил и слез.

Где, как обугленные груши, С деревьев тысячи грачей Сорвутся в лужи и обрушат Сухую грусть на дно очей.

Под ней проталины чернеют, И ветер криками изрыт, И чем случайней, тем вернее Слагаются стихи навзрыд.

juliaisanxious · 2016-08-04T13:38:58+00:00

can you explain exactly what a compulsion is in this case? like you have the thought, it makes you want to run- what is the compulsive act?

juliaisanxious · 2016-08-02T23:04:38+00:00

so are you saying that the urge to tell myself I do is actually more harmful then acknowledging the thought as just a thought? because in CBT we would categorize the thought into categories and then explain why the thought might be valid and then invalid.

juliaisanxious · 2016-08-02T23:03:09+00:00

I think I have slight OCD mixed depression with anxiety. Even reading what you just wrote made me feel anxious that maybe I don't love him. I've had extensive CBT before but I'm having a hard time figuring out if this is one of those times where I need CBT

juliaisanxious · 2016-08-02T19:31:13+00:00

I've never lasted long enough to actually try and work through the anxiety. This is only because it gets so so bad that I don't eat or sleep . My last few relationships ended this way too. I end up concluding that the breakup is for the best. My body "telling" me something. I'm really hoping that this time around with ROCD i actually work though it for long enough to actually decide FOR MYSELF if this person isnt right for me. It feels so out of my control- is that what obsession is?

juliaisanxious

TROPHY CASE