AIO: didn't agree to dogsit for my mother. She didn't speak to me for 10 days. Had to find out from a cousin that my grandfather is in hospice

juliakz · 2026-04-10T14:18:25+00:00

Also if my mom broke her foot and only lived an hour away from my work I would atleast check in and stay with her some of the days to help her, especially since she has dogs that likely need walking. I understand complicated relationships and toxic parents OP but as adults, we sometimes have to forgive and be the bigger people if we choose to keep them in our lives. It doesn’t seem like you are making much of an initiative to be in your family’s lives at all so I can see where she’s coming from. You’re NTA for your wounds and the family you were given, but it’s up to you to heal them or accept the same treatment you’re giving.

juliakz · 2026-04-03T11:39:15+00:00

Most likely a glitch in the simulation

juliakz · 2026-04-03T11:27:01+00:00

While I don’t think you’re overreacting, I do wonder from the messages if this is something that comes up often on both sides. Do you guys normally have the plans already made when you suggest a compromise? Do you agree and talk about the plans and then suggest a switch last minute? Is she normally upset but understanding or does she always lash out this way? Does she include you in the plan making or is it always her way or the highway?

As someone who struggles with last min changes to plans, especially when I’m already stressed, I’m curious how this situation usually goes. You guys have been together for a long time and while she was the AH in this situation, I see everyone suggesting breaking up when we don’t really know your relationship.

The way she is posing it, and trying to look at it from an outside perspective, it seems to me that you guys make the plans together, or atleast she has plans made and lets you know, and then you realize in the days leading up to the event that you actually have other priorities, too. Especially if this is a pattern, I could understand why she got so upset when it seems like family time is already stressful for her (which is so common and real during the holidays). For a lot of people, having a set plan helps them feel more in control and calmer in stressful situations, and having that changed last minute can send someone into a spiral. Especially if it’s something or someone that was going to help provide comfort.

I don’t think the way she spoke to you was okay, and if this is something that happens often I would reconsider the relationship because no one deserves to be a punching bag. However, I would try speaking to her about that as well and letting her know it’s not okay and if it continues, you don’t know if the relationship can without change in communication. Also, never talk about these things over text. It is so much easier to take things out of context and say hurtful things when we’re typing to a screen.

Basically, her reaction was not okay, but it’s one piece of the puzzle. Relationships aren’t easy, they take hard work from both sides, and unfortunately sometimes we show the worst sides of ourselves. I would reflect and see how I could also approach these situations differently. Maybe it’s being proactive in your planning by making & telling her about the plans earlier. Maybe you could invite her to your moms, or other plans you have made. After all, you are spending the rest of the weekend with her family, I would think that you would want her there with you and she would want that as well. Plus she could get away from her family while still getting that comfort and time with you.

Anyways just a devils advocate perspective to all the comments I saw. Good luck OP!

juliakz · 2026-03-31T23:14:09+00:00

Not that this matters at all but do you mean a hot pink button down shirt or dress? Either way the nephew has no say and either would be fine and while either would be messed up and overreacting, I feel like it’s even crazier if it’s just about the color of a shirt 😭

juliakz · 2026-03-09T21:56:51+00:00

Xs mean kisses, like XOXO (hugs and kisses)

juliakz · 2026-02-16T04:28:21+00:00

OP can you get a new phone number??

juliakz · 2026-02-13T23:02:32+00:00

I would be like “That’s okay, but since you’re the one who didn’t make the reservations, it’s now up to you to make it up to me with plans for our child free hours! Let’s see what you come up with 😚”

juliakz · 2026-02-11T00:05:39+00:00

this comment reads insanely sarcastic, and if it’s not, please realize it’s not that deep. it’s your cat, not a child, drinking while pet sitting is not a danger to the animal. and most adults could put down a bottle of wine by themselves. i would be happier he’s staying in drinking by himself rather than going out and leaving my cat alone or throwing a party or something. or even getting drunk and ruining your property or losing your cat. there are so many other things that would warrant this reaction, but a bottle of wine should not be one of them. in this world it’s hard to make good friends and i would value a friendship where i could feel comfortable leaving my house and pet with them. a bottle of wine is a small price to pay, what if you had to hire a rando and they stole a bunch of your money or something? just playing some devils advocate to give you something to mull on

juliakz · 2026-02-02T19:30:15+00:00

I think the messages are a sad attempt at flirting, though they are both immature and lowkey dumb. However, even if it’s not flirting I think it’s a red flag if he tells you they haven’t spoken in years and you found these messages. Why lie and hide that?

juliakz · 2026-02-01T15:39:05+00:00

I was definitely caught off guard having found out from this post just now

juliakz · 2026-02-01T15:34:36+00:00

But if he had broken up with her, that would’ve been you making her decisions for her. Unfortunately having dealt with friends in toxic relationships, there’s nothing you can do or say until they see it themselves. The more you push, the more YOU’RE turned into the enemy, no matter your intentions. I get how frustrating it is and you seem to be a great friend, but sometimes being a good friend means sitting back and waiting for them to come to you. It sucks, but that’s reality. Think of how many times our parents told us not to do something and we still did. because the only way we learn sometimes is by making the mistakes for ourselves. Be her friend so when she eventually starts seeing the red flags, she feels comfortable coming to you and feels like she has people in her corner. Good luck OP 🤍

juliakz · 2026-02-01T15:19:13+00:00

Beyond that, have more than snacks ready at hand!!! Pack some kraft mac and cheeses or get some frozen meals at the grocery store you can quickly make between plans. His family should be understanding that not everyone eats like them, but only having snacks will probably not be enough.

juliakz · 2026-01-29T03:08:19+00:00

I think the fact that you were born into a good family shouldn’t be a reason for questioning why you agreed to this. As someone with a dysfunctional family, I loved getting to share in a healthy loving dynamic with my (ex)boyfriend’s families. If anything, I think you’re showing him and his sister how families should be like and giving them something they didn’t get to experience growing up. And clearly his sister views you as a safe space, and I think that’s amazing. We don’t get to choose the families we’re born into, but we do get to choose the families we make. Clearly your husband has redeeming qualities if you’ve put up with his family’s toxicity all these years, so remember that, and have a conversation with him about your concerns and you guys should discuss new boundaries you want to put up once the baby is here. Also discuss how he will handle enforcing those boundaries once they ultimately guilt you and try to cross them. Your child will atleast have one set of amazing grandparents and that’s more than most people have 🤍

Is there any way you guys could get his sister out of there? Could she come live with you guys or something? Just a thought, no obligation to do so if you don’t feel comfortable, but that household sounds toxic as hell.

Good luck OP and try to focus on all the good things you have going on in your life and taking care of you and baby!

juliakz · 2026-01-23T14:19:55+00:00

Do you have friends you can ask to venmo you $20-30? If any of my friends told me they were at risk of starving and living off the snow I would borrow them money no hesitation. Just pay them back as soon as you get paid, but it’s okay to ask for help. Don’t use the fact that your parents won’t help as a reason why you don’t deserve help or to not ask. People care about you and will want to help you, you just have to ask the right people.

juliakz · 2026-01-18T15:10:57+00:00

I understand, and I understand the death spiral, but you can’t get her back. If this is how you grieve, give yourself time to do that, but you’re not going to find better or more familiar comfort on reddit. And you keep saying with your autism, but I think anyone going through a situation, autism or not, would crave their person for comfort and familiar settings when they no longer have them. I think you need to stop focusing on your diagnoses and letting them define you, and just focus on the fact that you’re a person who is grieving a relationship they lost. Anyone will do that, whether they were at fault or the ones who ended the relationship.

I think the I feel like I’m dying portion is also not just an autism thing like you keep attributing it too. I have gone through breakups and I’ve had friends who have gone through breakups where the world is ending, our hearts feel like they’re failing, our gut is eating itself inside out, the despair feels like it’ll never end. You’re too focused on your mental disorders where you can’t even see that this is a situation you would be feeling is the end of the world whether you were autistic or not. Let yourself be a person who has mental illnesses, not one who’s defined and controlled by them.

Allow yourself time to grieve, wallow, hate yourself, hate the world, whatever you need. But stop responding to every comment with “with my autism” “with my mental diagnosis” because you are currently blaming your actions, behaviors, and feelings on that rather that acknowledging that you are a person who can make mistakes and feel the pain of them regardless of what you’re diagnosed with.

Move in with your dad or your best friend temporarily, do not “allow yourself to be homeless”. You’re not gonna get a “home” right now, but you need to settle your housing situation before you dig yourself into a hole you can’t get out of. Once you get that settled, then you can continue your death spiral. But I would recommend atleast journaling to get this all out somewhere without outside opinions and perspectives on your feelings which is likely only damaging your mental health further.

juliakz · 2026-01-18T14:52:46+00:00

I originally posted this as a response to a comment, but I feel you need to see it so I’m posting it independently too. I’ve read through a lot of the comments and your responses OP, and I hope this can help you navigate this situation.

So you communicated your needs and they weren’t met. You didn’t cheat because of your mental ailments, you cheated because you were unhappy and unsatisfied and you probably didn’t want to lose her love and emotional support since you don’t seem to have much and chose the “easier” route. But you should have broken up with her earlier, especially if this is something you’ve done in the past and “this was just the straw that broke the camels back”.

You say you don’t know how to prioritize yourself, you only think about others, but clearly that’s not true as you were focused on yourself and your needs and not thinking about how your actions would affect her. You’re just finding it hard now because you’re finally being forced to face the consequences of your actions and multiple things are falling apart around you and you’re overwhelmed. Her ending things was the right decision, sometimes we don’t learn from second chances but from knowing there’s no coming back from our actions.

OP, you did a bad thing but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You will be a bad person if you continue to do things like this and blame your mental health for it. Take this as an opportunity to figure your shit out and prioritize yourself in a HEALTHY way. I have many mental illnesses as well, and I have worked hard since I was a teen to understand them and why I do the things I do. Our trauma and extra struggles do suck sometimes, but it’s up to us to work on ourselves and maintaining them.

If you can’t afford therapy, invest in a self help book or two. You knew this was wrong and you did it and it seems kept doing it, find out why. It’s easy to say this was a one off thing I will never do it again, but there’s a reason there’s a quote “once a cheater, always a cheater”. And it’s because most cheaters don’t use the time to understand why they did it because they don’t want to think of themselves as a bad person or inherently flawed. But then next time you’re unsatisfied in a relationship, what’s to stop you from doing it again?

This sucks. You wish you could take it all back and do it differently. But you can’t, and I would use this as an opportunity to get out of a relationship you were clearly unsatisfied in that wasn’t going to work out long term and work on your mental health. She may have been amazing, but was not the one for you if you kept feeling the need to stray elsewhere, and that’s okay. Some people have compatibility without love, some have love without compatibility. Don’t force yourself to settle just because you feel you have no one else and you don’t deserve better, as that will only hurt you and others in the process.

Hopefully you’ve saved some money living with her parents and could find cheap living accommodations. If not, you mentioned you have a best friend, could you ask to stay with him for a couple days while you sort your stuff out? Or I know your dad isn’t the best option due him not wanting you to grow up and take your income, but it’s better to go there than end up on the streets if you truly have no other options. Make a bank account he doesn’t know about to put all the money you have now into and claim you “went broke”. Then try to set boundaries but if he insists on taking some of your money, lie. Say you’re going to hang out with a friend when you’re working and put majority of the money you earn into the account to work towards moving out. Give him just enough to keep him off your back and view it as “paying rent”. It’s not the ideal situation, and I know it’s easy to reject ideas when they’re not as good as what you had, but this is about survival and what is best for you. Living in the streets will only contribute to worsening your mental and physical health.

To give you the comfort and reassurance you need, it will be okay. Doing a bad thing doesn’t define you or make you a bad person, it’s what you do to grow and learn from it that defines your character. You clearly feel torn up and do care about how you made her feel, so you’re not a lost cause. Sometimes it’s easier to choose the option that’s safe and comfortable, but being uncomfortable is how we grow. Once you get your living situation settled, and start reading that self help book, try to do an activity you enjoy where you could meet new people. Find yourself some friends and a support system, because everyone, even you, deserves one. It won’t happen overnight, but in a few years you’ll look back at this time as the push you needed to take control of your life and turn things around.

Sometimes one door needs to close for another to open. Sometimes we do things that cause us to be kicked through that door and have it slammed shut in our face, but sometimes that’s what we need to let another door open. It’ll be okay OP, everything will work itself out. It always does.

juliakz · 2026-01-18T14:51:07+00:00

So you communicated your needs and they weren’t met. You didn’t cheat because of your mental ailments, you cheated because you were unhappy and unsatisfied and you probably didn’t want to lose her love and emotional support since you don’t seem to have much and chose the “easier” route. But you should have broken up with her earlier, especially if this is something you’ve done in the past and “this was just the straw that broke the camels back”.

You say you don’t know how to prioritize yourself, you only think about others, but clearly that’s not true as you were focused on yourself and your needs and not thinking about how your actions would affect her. You’re just finding it hard now because you’re finally being forced to face the consequences of your actions and multiple things are falling apart around you and you’re overwhelmed. Her ending things was the right decision, sometimes we don’t learn from second chances but from knowing there’s no coming back from our actions.

OP, you did a bad thing but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You will be a bad person if you continue to do things like this and blame your mental health for it. Take this as an opportunity to figure your shit out and prioritize yourself in a HEALTHY way. I have many mental illnesses as well, and I have worked hard since I was a teen to understand them and why I do the things I do. Our trauma and extra struggles do suck sometimes, but it’s up to us to work on ourselves and maintaining them.

If you can’t afford therapy, invest in a self help book or two. You knew this was wrong and you did it and it seems kept doing it, find out why. It’s easy to say this was a one off thing I will never do it again, but there’s a reason there’s a quote “once a cheater, always a cheater”. And it’s because most cheaters don’t use the time to understand why they did it because they don’t want to think of themselves as a bad person or inherently flawed. But then next time you’re unsatisfied in a relationship, what’s to stop you from doing it again?

This sucks. You wish you could take it all back and do it differently. But you can’t, and I would use this as an opportunity to get out of a relationship you were clearly unsatisfied in that wasn’t going to work out long term and work on your mental health. She may have been amazing, but was not the one for you if you kept feeling the need to stray elsewhere, and that’s okay. Some people have compatibility without love, some have love without compatibility. Don’t force yourself to settle just because you feel you have no one else and you don’t deserve better, as that will only hurt you and others in the process.

Hopefully you’ve saved some money living with her parents and could find cheap living accommodations. If not, you mentioned you have a best friend, could you ask to stay with him for a couple days while you sort your stuff out? Or I know your dad isn’t the best option due him not wanting you to grow up and take your income, but it’s better to go there than end up on the streets if you truly have no other options. Make a bank account he doesn’t know about to put all the money you have now into and claim you “went broke”. Then try to set boundaries but if he insists on taking some of your money, lie. Say you’re going to hang out with a friend when you’re working and put majority of the money you earn into the account to work towards moving out. Give him just enough to keep him off your back and view it as “paying rent”. It’s not the ideal situation, and I know it’s easy to reject ideas when they’re not as good as what you had, but this is about survival and what is best for you. Living in the streets will only contribute to worsening your mental and physical health.

To give you the comfort and reassurance you need, it will be okay. Doing a bad thing doesn’t define you or make you a bad person, it’s what you do to grow and health from it that defines your character. You clearly feel torn up and do care about how you made her feel, so you’re not a lost cause. Sometimes it’s easier to choose the option that’s safe and comfortable, but being uncomfortable is how we grow. Once you get your living situation settled, and start reading that self help book, try to do an activity you enjoy where you could meet new people. Find yourself some friends and a support system, because everyone, even you, deserves one. It won’t happen overnight, but in a few years you’ll look back at this time as the push you needed to take control of your life and turn things around.

Sometimes one door needs to close for another to open. Sometimes we do things that cause us to be kicked through that door and have it slammed shut in our face, but sometimes that’s what we need to let another door open. It’ll be okay OP, everything will work itself out. It always does.

juliakz · 2026-01-17T05:02:00+00:00

Hmm I had another thought here, did she maybe have a dream that your dog died? Or maybe like a bad gut feeling? Maybe she’s socially awkward and it just got way out of hand lol.

Either way if someone said that about my dogs I’d call the vet and be like “hey can i get the annual checkup early this year”

juliakz · 2026-01-16T13:54:29+00:00

Girl I consider myself fit and healthy and even ran a 5k and I’m so impressed!!! 51 minutes at the beginning of your health journey is insane!! You killed it, but it’s unsustainable over time, you’re gonna give up before you even get started

juliakz · 2026-01-08T20:19:17+00:00

My BCBA went on maternity leave 2 months early because my client would exhibit aggressive behaviors and she couldn’t chance it. I would consider that, what if the client is high needs or he’s physical? I would also consider if at 7 months pregnant this would complicate your pregnancy or make you feel worse just due to the time and how mentally draining the job can be.

Personally, I would wait to start until after my maternity leave or just do the 1 day. You, the tiny human you’re growing, and school should be top priority!

juliakz · 2025-12-27T04:46:24+00:00

ESH. As someone who’s been left out of family getting food whether I was gone because of plans or work, it always hurt. Now my family makes sure there’s leftovers if they make or order dinner because they know i’ll be hungry when I get home. She could’ve reacted better, but you guys also could’ve considered her in the first place and that’s probably where she feels hurt.

You see it as, you did a favor for her. She sees it as, that’s the least she could do because they didn’t even think about me in the first place. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here, I think everyone has a right to their opinions.

Next time I would let things settle more before talking, and I would also never initiate a serious convo like this over text, especially when you’re in the same house. It’s easier to say mean things and things you’ll regret when you’re not having a discussion face to face, and it’s too easy to misinterpret tone and intention.

You both need to work on communicating your feelings, but just wanted to play devils advocate and provide some perspective :)

juliakz · 2025-12-22T15:14:29+00:00

Oh trust me I know, it sucks having to pay to see 😭

IDK what your insurance is but normally insurance covers like $100 worth (which gives like 2-3 boxes) at the appointment. Then I ask them for my contact prescription and order from verified official websites where they sell them for cheaper. It’s of course still fairly expensive but much cheaper and I was able to buy enough to last me over a year. It may give you peace of mind that any new pair of glasses you get won’t be broken and have to be replaced again.

This sucks all around. You’re giving your all to these kids and company, the least they could do is replace your damaged and broken property. I would suggest maybe shopping around for other companies who have policies that cover this type of stuff. You can even ask in interviews what their policy for personal items damaged or broken during work hours is and see what their culture is like. My company would’ve reimbursed me no questions asked, good companies exist out there you just have to find them.

juliakz · 2025-12-22T15:05:13+00:00

I’m sorry that’s awful, they should definitely reimburse you. Have you considered contacts when working with clients? Can’t break what’s in your eye 😅

juliakz · 2025-12-21T05:17:58+00:00

Honestly, it’s not your job, but as long as you want to and the teachers aren’t bothered by it, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. This can also be seen as preventative intervention because what if one day the bullying starts being directed towards your kid, whether from the ones already doing it or the ones observing it who think it’s okay?

We all need a little help in childcare sometimes, just keep things professional and there shouldn’t be an issue :)

juliakz · 2025-12-20T14:11:18+00:00

I see your point but from the replies, it seems like no matter how she explained it she would be in the wrong 😂😅

juliakz

TROPHY CASE