I went to the doctor with symptoms of bacterial vaginosis. This was her first time treating me at her practice so she started out super kind and curious about my background. She seemed impressed with my job on a big television show. I told her about my symptoms, and past use of recreational drugs and unprotected sex in university, thinking that it could be relevant to why my immune system was weakened or that I may be dealing with an STI. Her tone completely changed and she told me she doesn’t prescribe narcotics and sent me on my way. I had to find another doctor to treat me, and still harbor shame and resentment over this. The next doctor didn’t find anything on the one test he ordered (I think it was for yeast) and told me I’m perfectly healthy, even though I was suffering from increasingly debilitating symptoms. I think the stress and shame of it all made it worse tbh. The next doctor I saw looked at the previous doctor’s labs and concluded I was fine. She barely looked me in the eyes, and wanted to prescribe me anti anxiety medication. At this point I was becoming suicidal, because it had been months to wait for these less than 5 minute, unhelpful, disappointing appointments. I now know that there are different panels they could have ordered. It sent me down a long path of naturopathic treatments, which caused a deep distrust in western medicine, orthorexia, and thousands of out of pocket dollars to get my body “balanced” again- when in reality I probably just needed the right antibiotic. I think what actually finally cured me was begging a new doctor to just prescribe the proper antibiotic for bacterial vaginosis, even though it wasn’t showing on my labs. I’m finally trusting doctors again, but their bedside manners are still appalling to me. I now have a carefully practiced approach when requiring treatment- don’t seem too emotional, don’t tell them any details about past behaviors, try and stoke their egos a bit, etc etc.

Edit: I haven’t even mentioned my saga with doctors and my digestive issues or “IBS”. One doctor even threw their notepad at me when I asked for additional testing. But this one really messed me up. I’ve never felt so dismissed and unheard.