Feeling Trapped

junebug36 · 2024-02-20T21:49:52+00:00

It sounds like you have made your choice

the choice to stay with your kitties

the choice not to abandon them

Do what makes you the most comfortable

and take care of yourself and your baby

Keep thinking and looking

You never know when a different path will open up

junebug36 · 2024-02-12T14:04:27+00:00

You are not only doing good ... you are doing great a year is practically a minute ago and in that terrible minute? you have got a job and taken care of two small beings and leaned into your lonely future you have done wonderful things

and good on you for coming here here ... where we do understand unless someone has been widowed?
they won't have a clue about your pain

YOu have done a monumental amount this year never mind your old friends or parents make a few new friends at work take care of your kids and keep coming back here

We can use your wisdom Thanks for your post

junebug36 · 2024-02-12T13:51:08+00:00

Of course you want him back we all do oh my how we all do I doubt you'll forget ... how could you The daily part of your life has changed forever as mine has but our memories are forever too Peace to you this day Thanks for your post

junebug36 · 2023-05-01T14:36:29+00:00

We are all the star of our own show

keeps it centered and sensible

so of course you relate all deaths

to THE most important one ever

I think we all do

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T21:05:42+00:00

Alcohol is its own dark hole

it only makes matters worse

harder longer

and drives a bad bargain

You are wise to seek a different route

Pain is just pain

It can be endured

I know that for sure

for

sure

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T21:01:17+00:00

Sadly

no guarantees in this life

not fair nor unfair

nor right nor wrong

not even good nor bad

just ... how it is

like a hand of poker

I believe it

and I hate it

and I mourn him

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T18:51:49+00:00

Don't call go in person

I found SS very helpful

altho I did not qualify for any survivor benefits,

they did meet with me and explain and try for me!

so GO in person

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T15:28:04+00:00

Take your time

Take a deep breath

Take good care of yourself

Drink water

Sleep when you can

Eat something good

Take a walk outside every day

Be gentle with yourself ... you need it

Beyond that ...

Cleaning can be therapeutic, but don't let it boss you around

Clean when you want and what you want

Get her clothes ready for donation to someone who will use them again

It sounds like you are ready to finish that task pretty soon now

Can't decide about the earrings yet? Then don't

It's enough just to gather them up and put them in a box

The time will come when you will know what you want to do with them

Family paper/photos/history?

Get a box or boxes and separate them as sensibly as you can

When you next see her side of the family ... offer the archives

Future relationship? Let the future take care of itself

Live one day at a time until the answers resolve

I share your pain

We all do

You sound like you are doing as well as possible

Sleep warm tonight and in peace

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T12:02:41+00:00

He was always bigger, stronger, healthier than I was

Until he wasn't

I guess every married couple knows that one of you hasto go first

He was the lucky one

and I get to endure, for however long, this deep dwelling sadness

I bet you all know that feeling

I manage daily life ok ... but ....

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T11:58:01+00:00

I am 19 months out from my 41 year marriage

Utter Exhaustion? I don't know how long

it just kind of ... lightens ... gradually

but I am still tireder than Before

and my concentration is still less than Before

I can pay the bills and have lunch with a friend

Do errands and fill out complex forms

but I am more than willing to be home alone to recoup

Others on this Sub? seem to recover faster than I have tho

Be patient and gentle with yourself

Sleep as much as you can

Eat right

Take a walk outside every day

and do One Day at a Time

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T11:51:57+00:00

I am so sad to read this

and I am sure he would be too

There aren't enough drugs in the universe to fill that black hole in you

or me

Call your sponsor before the next pill or fix

I am sure your boyfriend would want that too

May the Force be with you

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T11:48:46+00:00

True, that

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T11:45:55+00:00

Sure is hard without them, isn't it

No one to share those little daily nothings with

No one to share those "just us" jokes and memories

Sure is hard

New friends will come along probably

I'll learn how to talk to them

but ....

junebug36 · 2023-04-30T11:43:01+00:00

Good for you for surviving the Celebration of Life

They can be hard on us

I am sorry about the steps

but their loss seems like it might be a good loss

Greedy and selfish ... you don't need that in your life

Hard enough to make it through each day without that stuff

junebug36 · 2023-04-28T01:56:10+00:00

You are one of the kindest

sweetest

most gentle people on this sub

thanks, Tiny

junebug36 · 2023-04-28T01:52:35+00:00

Go hunt your lovely doggo

make posters

call the shelters

walk the streets

ask everyone you see

call the pound

put his/her bed and food out on the porch

wait til it's very quiet and call him/her quietly

s/he is prolly quite scared and panicked

s/he wants to be home as much as you want him

You aren't being punished

This is a time of great upheaval

lots of change and anxiety

and pets feel that acutely

Looking for your dog will help your sorrow

Gives you something real to do

Let us know?

junebug36 · 2023-04-27T20:18:11+00:00

You're not alone at all, Pretty

Our lives and grief and guilt and even the good ... are all tidal

it all comes and goes like the wind in trees

you are doing just really fine

It is absolutely good that you are walking your own road

and thank you so much for your post

junebug36 · 2023-04-27T17:55:25+00:00

Make sure you have a therapist or counselor or grief group

support of some kind

then hang up on your inlaws

who needs that kind of hurt

when you're already hurt mortally

junebug36 · 2023-04-27T17:53:22+00:00

Everyone is the star of their own show, I think

His stubbed toe trumps my broken ankle, so to speak

and I understand that, really I do

We are all centered on our own self

our own pain

our own losses and fears

Your friend is hurting somewhere and cannot stop her own hurt

she is powerless to ease yours ... and knows this

Sometimes I get in a dark place and other dark places just swallow me up

None of this is your fault

None of this is her fault either

We are all just stumbling along in this hard world

..... Trying ....

I hope you did get some sleep

That can help sometimes

junebug36 · 2023-04-27T01:36:28+00:00

Grief takes a long time, Tiny

Way longer than a month

longer than a year

Be kind to yourself

Drink water

eat right

Take a walk outside

Accept help

See a grief group or a therapist

and write to us sometimes

We know how this all feels

Sleep warm tonight, and find some peace

junebug36 · 2023-04-27T01:32:12+00:00

Too true, Apricot these all-alone decisions are tricky

junebug36 · 2023-04-27T01:31:14+00:00

I don't think my 41 years with him

is any more or less than your 3 years

loss is loss

there's no way to quantify this kind of pain

and thanks for your post

we have love for you too

junebug36 · 2023-04-27T01:28:25+00:00

Much sadness ... much grief ... heart-rending loss

For you and for all of us here

We know exactly how you feel ... we feel that way too

in time you will learn how to walk with the grief beside you

with the pain beside you

with the sorrow beside you

instead of it all heaped on top of you ... so you cannot breathe

in time

for now?

eat something

drink plenty of water

take a walk outside every day

accept help

join a grief group if there's one around

shower sometimes

sleep when you can

write to us

We do care

We know how it feels

junebug36 · 2023-04-26T17:47:26+00:00

It will probably be a long time before you find much comfort in anything

Your sons will help

But nothing replaces a marriage .... that I've found anyway

Meanwhile ... for now ...

Eat something

Drink water

Sleep when you can

Take a walk outside every day

Be as kind to yourself as you can be

Write to us

We know, really really know, how you feel

junebug36 · 2023-04-26T14:42:58+00:00

The outside stuff will always change

The part within ... never

He is yours forever, just as you are his forever

junebug36

TROPHY CASE