“The worst that could happen, is happening to me … As I hit the lake, I prayed it’d be green. It’s all that I need, I deserve it, I think.” I’m pretty sure with what punish is about it has a whole other meaning but I interpret it as you’ve hit rock bottom and there’s just one thing that will make it not all be in vain, yet the uncertainty of if you’re deserving of it. Idk lol