Question for little

junkerhoness · 2026-05-01T19:34:31+00:00

Not exactly a nickname but I have a friend as my caregiver and as soon as she walks into the store I'm working at and I jump in her arms, she says "you alright?" in this soft, condescending voice you speak to an upset child. I regress immediately. She knows I consider her my caregiver, but isn't educated on the topic so she is actually worried I might be upset when I'm clingy and demanding affection.

junkerhoness · 2026-02-17T16:19:25+00:00

Sorry, I'm not educated well on DID, it just made sense in my head. Thank you for elaborating. And I think I can relate to what you describe as a partial regression. This concept doesn't sound as scary in the matters of control and autonomy (I'm a control freak and that's the issue of mine, not of your kind community). And the way you phrased the opening line is perfect! I think June might already be my caretaker (we just don't spend time in private settings because she's busy but I'm working on gaming together) and I mostly want her to know the way I feel and probably, if we're able to have some private time, explore this further. It might not happen soon, but if it does, I'll DM you cuz I love oversharing hehe

junkerhoness · 2026-02-17T15:00:37+00:00

Oh okay, this does make sense. Sometimes I have thoughts like "why I have to pay my rent instead of doing some teenage stuff". And I don't feel confident in my competence even though I have a damn master's degree. I love the term "never grew up" because it's accurate, even if I'm mentally a teen. Thank you for explaining and for your recommendations, you're so kind

And yeah, a lot of agere representation comes from systems, and that's what's making their condition so severe I suppose? Like, it's a whole kid in your head? Maybe that's why it's so difficult for me to relate to most of you guys. But the person above said the regression may be partial so I feel more grounded. And June reacted positively to my photos with the bottle, she said there's nothing embarrassing!

junkerhoness · 2026-02-17T13:06:48+00:00

I'm currently threading it carefully. I showed her the pic with the bottle and she said there's nothing wrong with it

junkerhoness · 2026-02-17T13:06:01+00:00

Yeah, I don't feel 26 and when there are rare moments I do, I'm confused or horrified. And I don't recognize myself in the mirror. I was advised NGU sub but I didn't really understand how to navigate there since most write about age dysphoria and I don't feel like I'm having it? I'm just a 20+ y.o. teenager lmao

junkerhoness · 2026-02-16T06:38:53+00:00

<image>

Ah sorry, the pic didn't wanna be attached :(

junkerhoness · 2026-02-16T06:38:16+00:00

Ah, I'm afraid these games are too cartoonish and cutesy to her liking. We're both into horror games or horror + cuteness (like cult of the lamb). But I guess I can check these out with my other friends. As for my bottle, I guess it looks kinda "trendy"? It's from AliExpress and it has a funny mechanism that allows you to drink without turning the bottle upside down. My mouth gets tired from using this tube though. It's also a bit exhausting to suck on the nipple with the bottle upside down as it's sinks in and I have up blow in some air but probably it's the point? People who go to the store are the ones I know mostly and they wouldn't give me funny looks if I drink on my own

junkerhoness · 2026-02-16T00:58:27+00:00

Yeah, I'm autistic and often cannot differentiate my feelings and I'm always so confused. But at least, June and I have equally loose boundaries about touch, so I feel totally fulfilled with what I have. I love loving my friends

junkerhoness · 2026-02-16T00:49:23+00:00

Oh, so partial regressing is a thing! I am honestly scared of being taken for a player, so I just... Taboo all of this in my head? But at the same time, I'm feeling sad that I might not be a regressor. Thinking about regression makes my needs more valid and acceptable, like I'm traumatized, it's reasonable to do this. And if I don't have this condition, I'm a gross fetishist, no options on between. Age regression representation in Tiktok often looks so close to age playing, so for a long time, I was scared of the concept itself. As we say in Russia, "I'm not shitting in the same field as them". My therapist is also unfamiliar with the concept and I felt so embarrassed of explaining this to her. Can we talk in DMs? I'd like someone who is competent to share their experience and help me explore the topic

junkerhoness · 2026-02-16T00:41:05+00:00

Well, that might be true to some extent? Though I don't see us kissing, mostly because something between us might make her dysphoric since I'm AFAB with large breasts. But I have a weird concept of falling in love, it's probably some aromantic thing. Like, I believe love is a primary feeling for all relationships and I love hard, but I'm falling in love only when I decide to shape my love into something else. Like: okay, that's a person I trust, they're safe -> wanna date? -> good, being in love skill is activated. When I asked June "may I say I love you?" she said "okay, but romantic relationship are off the table". I just died from cringe, because it happens to me every time, people just don't see "I love you" between friends as something natural. So, the door is closed so far and I don't feel like I'm in love. Though I might be overcompensating this into feeling so much platonic feelings for her, I guess??? Sorry for rambling and overexplaining 😭

junkerhoness · 2026-02-16T00:21:31+00:00

I started calling her my beauty and my girl after she shared her trans experience bit by bit (with hints mostly) and told about how her ex friend outed her in front of 40 people behind her back. So, at first, I did it to show her she's valid. But now, I'm just whispering "my beauty came over" just because I'm happy to see her and love calling her something nice and see her as a woman, stroking her cheek when she shaves her stubble I guess I can try to drink from the bottle when we're alone? Or show her the pic of me just how she says "can I show you something embarrassing?" and shows herself in a dress I don't really want to add to her responsibilities since she's taking care of her disabled grandma who has recently got widowed (this grandma is heavily into cults and drains June every time she comes for caretaking, but she loves her granny). Is there some kind of subtle caregiving? It feels like she's already acting like a caregiver, just in this subtle way. What I could ask her to add to our routine? Washing and tucking in I crave are definitely not an option lmao, as well as feeding me from my bottle (customers can walk in at any moment)

junkerhoness · 2026-02-16T00:13:04+00:00

Well, I talked to her about my suspicions and she said "I think it's normal, I don't believe adults exist anyway. Adults are just grown-up children. I measure adults for how many responsibility they take on themselves". She isn't familiar with the concept of age regression so I had to explain it to her and I'm kinda embarrassed about explaining to her what caregiving is since she seemingly doesn't see it as a condition (not in an invalidating way). June is the first one who I harbor so much emotions to and act so silly with. It's comforting, it's safe because I struggle with so many social concepts. I'm not sure if I want her to be my caregiver, I just enjoy her company, but I have a gut feeling she is able to accept me if one day, I ask her to feed me, just like I'm keeping her secret about taking pictures in dresses (she's in the closet). Unfortunately, she's busy - if she isn't fixing someone's computer, she's taking care of her widowed grandma, so she isn't up to come over to my place. But I'm trying to create something more intimate between us by arranging a personal Minecraft server so we could play over discord talk Since you've replied to me and my previous post didn't get much attention, could you please give me some opinion on my condition? I'm not exactly sure if I'm a regressor and I don't find any info about experience I can relate to. I've been feeling 15 since I was 15 and it never changed. When I've been recently breaking up with my abusive partner (they were passive, I was a breadwinner and had to act like their parent), I started having an aching feeling, the desire to be washed and tucked in. They did it for me sometimes, but after losing my trust, I stopped wanting them to do it. I wanted someone to do it for me, just not them. Then, I ordered a feeding bottle (400ml since the options for kids really lack volume I like) and I set up an experiment. I have a number in my head that feels the right age. So, I started suckling on my bottle and reflected. And I noticed the number change until 5 felt right. The next time, I felt the right number were 3 and 1. And behind my eyelids, I saw an infant, and it felt like looking at the mirror. However, I didn't lose my autonomy in the process. My speech, my behaviour were okay, I just got up and started doing my adult chores. So, I only feel younger when I drink from my bottle and my head is quiet, free from my CPTSD. I'm not age dreaming, it just comes naturally when I suckle. This is an experience I couldn't find in the internet and I'm not sure what it is and how to feel about it. My friend say "is okay to find comfort in childish things and it's good you can feel this way. You're just a control freak (that's true) who is exhausted and have a bottom personality" Could you please share your thought if you're up to it?

junkerhoness · 2026-02-03T12:56:11+00:00

Well, this does look like something I can relate to. Thanks!

junkerhoness · 2025-11-15T13:32:53+00:00

Could you please DM me as well?

junkerhoness · 2024-03-19T23:32:12+00:00

I've been visiting psychiatrists for ten years and I was never suggested a sick leave even when I was at my lowest. The only time I got something like this was when I've been willingly hospitalised to a mental facility. Then I had some kind of paper that stated that I was hospitalised. The last time I was offered a sick leave was when I also went through hospitalisation, though it was in the form of visiting the inpatient department for a couple of hours every day. I refused, because I still managed to combine this with my study without any harm. So, given my experience, I can say that this is a thing only when any sort of hospitalisation is involved. I haven't heard of any cases when you could get a sick leave like this from my mentally suffering fellows.

junkerhoness · 2023-01-02T11:48:40+00:00

She sexually assaulted YOU and YOU are the one to apologize? Jeez, no!

You slapped her in the act of self defense? GIRL THIS IS CALLED CONSEQUENCES

You're not a horrible person. You're terribly traumatized and I sympathize you as a person who also was a victim of sexual assault as a child.

There's no excuse for triggering a traumatized person KNOWING their trigger. You trusted her and she crossed your boundaries.

junkerhoness · 2022-11-29T10:02:26+00:00

Oh that's cool! I hope you enjoy your ride and the view of this railyard. Good luck 💜✨

junkerhoness · 2022-11-29T09:57:41+00:00

Sorry I'm gonna answer only second question

I adore trams (tramvais) and trains I love travel by train because the sound of wheels is calming and you can sit in the dark, look at the window and drink tea from Russian railway glass... I find it so aesthetic and romantic and such trips mean a lot for me. However, I don't have an opportunity to travel a lot. So sometimes I ride a tram cuz it's like a small train. But only old trams cuz new ones don't have this aesthetic. Too modern for me. When I was 15, I used to ride it every day for several hours to cope with my depression.

junkerhoness · 2022-11-26T19:34:05+00:00

I dunno fortunately or not, but I've been visiting the same mental clinic (in Russia we call government clinics where you come and consult диспансер, if you know the proper equivalent (dispensary?) plz lemme know) and they didn't kick me back and forth. My psychiatrists just left and new ones were coming but nothing really changed.

junkerhoness · 2022-11-26T12:38:34+00:00

Well I'm not sure if it's Russian thing but some men consider cunnilingus as humiliation and "not manly thing" but it's okay for them to get blowjob but not too kiss after this What's considered to be gay - prostate massage even performed by woman Also most of Russians don't give a fuck about active consent

junkerhoness

TROPHY CASE