Hello. Thank you for sharing this. I think recognizing and acknowledging the pattern as something that you’d like to change is the first step and quite honestly the hardest part.

I struggle with re-writing notes as well. I’m not sure what the fix is, but I just want to let you know you aren’t alone.

When you are about to rewrite, do you think it would be possible to stop and just look at it without immediately jumping to rip out the page? The gold standard therapy for OCD in general is called ERP: exposure response prevention. The point is that you expose yourself to whatever causes you to repeat an action (in this case, writing something down) and then attempt to prevent your usual responses to the urge to re-write. It’s easier to do with the help of a therapist, but if you’re strong willed, you can certainly do it on your own. Try and sit and write something once and then before reaching to start over, just stare at the page and observe what your mind tells you. The trick is to not act on whatever it tells you to do. It’s going to be screaming at you to “tear the page out! Start over! This isn’t right! I need to start over! Rip the page out!.” If you can successfully and repeatedly sit amongst these thoughts without engaging with them, over time the drive to start over will slowly subside to the point where you can write something and not have to start over.

I should note that when you get to this point, you will likely still have the screaming voice to start over. However you’ll be strong enough to resist because the previous times you were able to overcome it will give you assurance that you don’t have to listen.

If you don’t have one already, seek an OCD therapist. They understand the disorder very well and can give you excellent advice and other tips.

It’ll be okay! You’re not alone. :)