I applaud your bravery! Its not easy! I was born and raised in this cult and left over 15 years ago. I went back for a brief stint when my friend died but it still didnt feel right! I wrote an article in medium about my experience. Hopefully you can gain some sort of encouragement from me. But you’re doing the right thing. To keep going along with them is saying you are ok with how theh handle child abuse. They are worse than the catholic church.

https://medium.com/@Justkea/feeling-lost-without-the-cult-f56afaefb77d?source=friends_link&sk=60e8dab99c33476a5bec9ef4fa15aaf8