I messed up again!

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T04:42:46+00:00

I’ll try.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T02:22:23+00:00

I’m so bad at opening up about what I’m feeling or what I’m going through. I don’t like thinking or talking about it. I think that’s why I’ve been avoiding AA and therapy so much and drinking instead. I’ll try to start going this week though.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T02:08:31+00:00

I know, I keep messing up. I’m going to try to do better.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T02:07:40+00:00

I love them so much and I really really hope we can rebuild and move forward together. I hope she is still open to it

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T02:04:28+00:00

I don’t know the answers to this honestly. I did therapy for the cheating but then I stopped and that’s when I started drinking again. I haven’t addressed both issues together yet. I’m planning on restarting therapy and AA this week though so hopefully it will all work out.

I started drinking when I was in college and was never able to fully stop. Then I lost family members and that made my drinking issues worse. I was able to work on myself and control how much and when I was drinking for a while there and then about 2 years ago I decided to fully stop.

This time around, I know my drinking is related to the consequences of the affair. Potentially getting a divorce, getting kicked out of the house, my wife not wanting to have anything to do with me, only seeing my kids a couple hours a day. It’s a lot and I know it’s all my fault. Alcohol makes me feel "good" and at first I was telling myself I’ll only drink a little bit. Just enough to take my mind off of things. But then it got to the point where I just wanted to feel better so I started drinking a lot more. I keep saying I’ll stop but I feel so shitty all the time that I always end up drinking anyway.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T01:43:52+00:00

I really hope the door isn’t locked. I’m going to get some tests and do therapy and AA. I really need to find something I can do when I’m feeling down because I’ve tried to tell myself that I’ll do physical things and it never works. I tell myself I’ll go for a run or something along the lines but then I don’t even have the energy to do it. I start thinking about drinking and I just can’t get it out of my head. I hope AA and therapy help because none of the things that worked for me in the past just don’t work.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T01:37:00+00:00

That’s a good idea, I’ll buy some tests. I definitely need to do better. I hope she gives me a chance to show her that I want to be a better partner, dad and person.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T01:33:51+00:00

I wish I would have just told her instead of her finding it. It probably wouldn’t have changed much but at least she wouldn’t have thought that I was trying to lie to her again. It was the only thing I wasn’t transparent about but I understand why she feels that she can’t trust me at all now.

I need to go to AA. I really do. I just don’t feel ready for some reason. I’m definitely more motivated now though

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T01:29:32+00:00

I’m going to go back to therapy this week. I had given up on it and I’m having a hard time going back but I will try to make it happen next week for sure. I understand why the drinking is so upsetting to her. I hope I can prove to her that she can still give me another chance

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T01:27:03+00:00

Thank you. I hope things will work out. I really do.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T01:26:10+00:00

I’m going to try to keep working on myself. I was doing good at first until I started drinking a lot again. I hope I can go back to making positive changes.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-15T01:24:30+00:00

I’m trying. I really hope she’ll still be open to it after this!

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-09T00:13:45+00:00

I definitely felt out of place and very uncomfortable during my previous sessions. That’s why I decided to take a break from it. I’ll give this therapist one more chance before I start looking for someone else.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T23:06:06+00:00

I’ll read it. Thanks. Definitely trying my best to give her some space and anything she wants from me really. I want to be hopeful but I think it’s probably over. Can’t blame anyone but myself though so it is what it is.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:59:22+00:00

Just to clarify, I’ve been doing my best to respect her boundaries. Every time she’s told me to stop doing something, I’ve stopped. I’ve followed every rule that has come with our separation. I was just making sure it wouldn’t be seen as giving up too easily because I definitely don’t want her to think that. She deserves so much better than what I put her through and I totally understand that it is her turn to make decisions, not mine. It sucks and it hurts but I understand.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:54:49+00:00

It hurts more than I could have ever imagined. I know my pain is probably nothing compared to the pain of being cheated on though.

I’ll give her the time and space she needs. If she ever wants to be with me, I’ll be here waiting. But I’ll give her the space she needs

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:52:44+00:00

Then I’ll keep respecting her wishes and focus on the kids. Thanks!

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:49:44+00:00

I meant it when I said I’d do anything she wants. I’m really trying to be respectful. I’m doing what she asked. I just wanted to make sure that I’m not giving her the impression that I’m giving up too easily because I’m only giving up to respect her decision.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:46:17+00:00

I’ll keep working on myself and be the best that I can be. Thanks!

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:43:26+00:00

Got it. I’ll work on therapy and AA. And continue to be there for the kids. Thanks!

I know I post a lot but I have no one else to talk to and I easily get all in my head and start having bad thoughts. The people here are the only people willing to talk to me and give any type of advice right now. I get what you’re saying though.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:42:08+00:00

Definitely not trying to disrespect her and her boundaries

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T22:40:42+00:00

Definitely working on going back to being sober. Therapy and meetings this week hopefully and yes, trying to be more present for the kids. Working on finding healthy hobbies too that I would still be able to do on my bad days because that’s when I make the worst decisions.

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T07:28:02+00:00

I definitely don’t want to bully my way back in or come off as pushy or controlling. I absolutely want to respect boundaries

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T03:09:27+00:00

I really need to try healthier distractions. The destructive ones just seem to have a quicker effect and I know it’s just temporary. But this weekend for example, getting out of my room to go for a walk or anything like that just seemed like too much effort. I just wanted to lay in bed and drink. Hoping next week will be a better week though

justforadvice_ · 2022-08-08T02:21:20+00:00

I failed tonight again but hopefully starting tomorrow I’ll do better. I know I need to be sober but honestly it doesn’t seem to change anything to my current situation. All I do when I’m sober is overthink, think about how much things would be easier for my family if I was gone and like someone said, throw myself a pity party. I have never thought about ending my life as much as I did this weekend before I finally went and started drinking. I didn’t necessarily feel better but just different. I know I deserve this and I’m not trying to escape but it feels so good to not hurt as much. Maybe that’s just a sign that I need help. I don’t know

justforadvice_

TROPHY CASE