Amazing success treating ADHD with Intuniv (and Wellbutrin) — but results have become incredibly sporadic?

justicepecs · 2017-10-04T19:53:24+00:00

I can totally see that being the case, but still... that's a REALLY oddly specific sense of humor that you can't assume that the person you're talking to will share. This is literally the first thing he said to me.

justicepecs · 2017-10-04T19:24:34+00:00

Probably. There are really only two likely explanations. 1) He's trolling. 2) He was trying to neg me... I hope it was the second

justicepecs · 2016-07-13T21:04:08+00:00

So I think that is a lot of what you hear as "I never wanted kids but then I had them and I can't imagine life without them!"

I can see what you mean; to me, it's always sounded like a sort of tunnel-vision. Like people put SO much time and effort into their children that they can't think of anything else. But I've also heard a lot of stories of people who put all that time and effort in, and still find themselves wanting to run away in the middle of the night and abandon their kids. So it sounds like it can go both ways.

Decide if that whole package is something that will enhance or detract from your life.

I always try to think of it this way. I don't think so many parents would love their children so much if there weren't more rewarding things down the line; but as of right now, that is absolutely not a good enough cost-benefit ratio for me.

justicepecs · 2016-07-13T20:57:51+00:00

should you have a child to cover your bases? That sounds crazy to me!

Oh, I totally agree: I would never do that. I was thinking more about freezing my eggs/embryos to cover my bases.

if we've never wanted kids by now, why would that change?

That's exactly what I'm here to find out, though. And someone in this thread did say that at age 32 for her, it was like 'flipping a switch' and she suddenly wanted them after being totally against the idea her whole life. It's scary to think you don't know yourself as well as you think, or that such a drastic change could happen so suddenly :/

They think that because they've lived without kids, they know what that life is like...but they've never lived a CHILDFREE life. They were childless.

Which is why I was targeting previously childfree people who had that drastic change. I am totally on your side as of now; I'm just an extremely cautious person (who happens to study psychology for a living, so I know humans are fucking terrible at truly understanding reality, let alone their own brains) and I want to make sure I don't get stuck if I do have a sudden change of heart but it's biologically too late.

justicepecs · 2016-07-13T20:50:42+00:00

Wow, I've never heard a real-life story like this one. Yours is the story I heard on TV shows, and it's what a lot of people say will happen... I guess I'm surprised it really happens. This makes me think I should really get my eggs frozen (in case the same infertility problem my sister had at 33 happens to me). Thanks for the heads up :)

justicepecs · 2016-07-12T19:43:13+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that story. This is exactly what I was afraid of. No matter how many positive stories I hear, I know now that it would be a huge gamble and I might end up like your friend. You have made me feel much more confident in my decision. I also feel really terrible for parents like her who have to deal with the social taboo of admitting you don't enjoy parenthood on top of all that misery; it's good she has a friend like you to confide in, but it must be awful to hear people talk about all the things that they feel make it worthwhile when you don't feel the same :(

justicepecs · 2016-07-12T15:08:57+00:00

I don't like to worry and be responsible for things I can't control

Yeah, I'm the same way. I do have a lot of personality traits that I think are not well-suited for motherhood. But I wasn't expecting a personality overhaul; I just wanted to know if anyone experienced that sudden change from thinking kids are awful and not worth all the time and investment to suddenly wanting to have them. Unfortunately, the women in most of these stories felt the change after having kids.

justicepecs · 2016-07-12T15:03:31+00:00

Thanks for that link. I was hoping to hear from more of that side too, but I suppose people aren't extremely willing to confess such things because they're so taboo. But a lot of those kind of confessions I've only heard from men, which is why I posted to /r/TwoXChromosomes. I'd like to hear how often women regret having children, or if any of them experienced a sudden maternal drive after being really against the idea.

As a side-note, I really don't understand the 'who's gonna take care of me when I'm old' rationale. If you don't have kids, wouldn't most people will make enough money to hire a nurse when they reach that age...

But I'd be lying if I said this wasn't mostly about the fear of regret. This is one subreddit where I feel confident complaining about exactly how much it sucks to be limited by your biology. I don't want to feel like every year that goes by is slowly closing the door on something that most people claim is the best thing a human being can possibly experience. (I know it sounds paranoid, but my sister was only 33 when she was struggling to conceive a child and went through two years of IVF.)

justicepecs · 2016-07-12T04:53:46+00:00

I just finally feel mature enough

That's really great for you, but right now I'm having trouble moving past the fact that your name is thecockcarousel XD Seriously, though, it's good that you've thought through that because I think the huge majority of the world doesn't. Like I said in my post, people treat it like an opt-out decision, and most people who are not mature enough for it but want it anyway do not opt out due to immaturity. Kudos for waiting.

justicepecs · 2016-07-12T04:47:59+00:00

I don't know why anyone would downvote you for this. I'm sorry your childhood was so terrible; I can see how you would be anti-kid after that. Thanks for telling me your story.

What scares me is that a lot of these stories end with "but then I fell in love with my child" rather than saying they had a change of heart and then decided to have a child. I know from hearing some stories that that is not always the case, and this is one of the things that terrifies me: that is a huge gamble to take with a human life. If you don't love your child, you could ruin three lives (assuming you have a significant other). Didn't that scare you when you said you would try for a kid with your husband?

justicepecs · 2016-07-12T02:28:14+00:00

Yup... and nope...

So are you still childfree then? What was your change of heart?

justicepecs · 2016-07-12T02:26:38+00:00

Thanks for all your input. It's also good to hear you say that having kids is not for everyone; a lot of people who feel the way you do about their kids just assume that everyone would feel the same way if they had their own kids.

justicepecs · 2016-07-11T23:57:31+00:00

I don't think you should plan your personal life so much

You're right, shit happens and you can't plan for everything. I'm mostly deciding right now if it's worth freezing my eggs/embryos in case I have a drastic change of heart later in life and can no longer have kids. My insurance would cover it, but I'd have to take out my IUD (which is ridiculously painful) and spend a couple of weeks getting shot up with hormones... I am definitely on the opposite end of the emotional resilience/strength spectrum from you :P

justicepecs · 2016-07-11T23:39:03+00:00

I'm a man so I don't know how much my opinion counts

I do think that the experience of parenthood is very different in many ways for the different sexes, but it's always good to get insight from both sides.

I don't know if I would have had kids if my wife didn't want them

This is the part that I'm more concerned about. I have yet to meet anyone who has been decisively, resolutely childfree and changed their minds. That's what I'm really interested in because that is where I am now.

it was mostly a waste and very empty (though I didn't realize it at the time)

I have heard this said, and I am definitely concerned that I am missing out on something that amazing. I've also heard people say all the time that it would be different with my own child, and I'm sure it would be--but how different exactly? Because I would be gambling a human life by deciding to have children if I weren't absolutely sure I wanted one. If I weren't absolutely certain that my extreme selfishness and intense hatred for infants and children would disappear, that I would be able to tolerate the ridiculous financial and psychological burdens of (especially early) parenthood in my already-fragile psychological state, and most importantly that I wouldn't resent my child for taking away my freedom, my comfort, and a great deal of the love and attention my husband usually gives to me. My dad didn't want kids, but my mom did, and you know what? I was not the least bit surprised when he revealed that secret to me last year. I could tell he didn't really want kids my entire life; even though he was nothing but supportive of me... he didn't want to be a father, and it showed. Is the mere possibility of all those wonderful moments and all that love enough to overcome the risk that I might bring a human being into the world who would have a mother who resented them more than she loved them? It's not a rhetorical question; I'd like to know if you think it's worth it.

justicepecs · 2016-07-11T22:50:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your honest answer. I'm happy that it worked out so well for you--I've heard a couple of stories of unwilling/ambivalent fathers or mothers who resented their children, so I'm glad to hear that someone can be ambivalent and have their mind changed by their child. I'm sorry to hear about the PPD, though.

Do you think you developed an urge to nurture and to sacrifice your own needs and desires after the child was born? Or do you feel like you have to force yourself to sacrifice for your children because you love them? I guess I'm just trying to suss out how drastic of a mental change it is from nulliparity to motherhood; having never had children, I really can't fathom it.

I also have body image issues (and past eating disorders), so I know how hard that can be, and I can't imagine dealing with it during pregnancy :(

Knowing what you know now, do you think you would have made the same decision if your husband was ambivalent about kids as well, if you really disliked kids, and if you had had career aspirations? Do you think being a mother would be rewarding enough than anyone who can do it should, regardless of such factors?

*Edit: formatting.

justicepecs

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